10/5/24

Brrr, it was very chilly this morning. That Mistress is very wise sometimes. Last night, a memo came to her phone warning of possible power cuts from 7 to 9 a.m. today. She felt this was an excellent excuse to stay in bed, where it was very cozy and warm. So, this would have saved some electricity for those who needed it early. She felt that being retired and having nothing to get up for was pretty good.

She went out this afternoon, so we decided to just get on the floor and catch up. As usual, Moonshine shared a few jokes and had us all laughing and rolling around the floor. We were cozy inside and were not going to head outside for anyone. Looking out the ranch slider, we saw our mates begging to come in. Oh no, not today, we all said. They were unhappy with us, and pulling the curtain closed was required so they could not see in. 

Trixie felt this was quite mean of us. "Nope, I said". She saw that I was wearing pants around here and made the decision. The Mistress is teaching me to be assertive. She is frequently assertive around here, so if it is good enough for her, it is good enough for me.

Last night, we went to the garage for some ping-pong ball games but turned around very quickly. Jeepers, it was freezing out there. There was no place for a Gnome who was used to the luxury of warmth on my shelf. We all agreed very quickly and headed back in haste.

We made yet another attempt to rouse that perpetual sleeper. We thought tickling his toes would do the trick, but he is not ticklish. Hmm, what shall we do? Moonshine suggested we use the ping-pong balls for target practice on him.  Great idea, so we all took turns as we couldn't wake the Mistress. Mr. Grumpy woke all right, and then we regretted annoying him. He was eager to return to his state of noncompliance. Trixie wondered if he meditates, as some do, you know. 

Always asleep

Another man is constantly meditating, sitting cross-legged at the window. His nature is serene and calm, and he speaks like he is from another planet, so we should all try this. The Mistress does this meditating sometimes. We watch her drift off regularly. She is always in a state of deep relaxation afterward and says it is good for you. 

Ok, then we shall try this tonight. 

Meditating

 8/5/24

Do you know my memory is becoming like these humans I live with? Indeed, it must be something we are all breathing in because we live under one roof. I forgot to mention yesterday about a very happy romantic gesture that came from His Lordship. He arrived with a bunch of lovely flowers and delighted The Mistress with a huge kiss. Nope, he hadn't done anything wrong either. It was just a gesture of love. I just about had to leave the room, as it was too much for me. 

 

It's called love!

           It is so good to see these two love birds so happy. They seem to         giggle all day at times. This computer contraption has a mind of its own today. It won't do what I want, causing me so much frustration. I am almost ready to throw out the door and gate to the bin. The Mistress won't help me either. Some humans are so mean, I say.

Oh, heck, that Mistress took me off here because I was cursing this contraption. After all, it was going haywire. She could not fix it either and told me to work it out. But I am a Gnome, and we don't know this stuff. Her thoughts were that, due to being old, her brain was full. What utter rubbish, I say. What is wrong with being positive? Being negative won't help the situation. She has been teaching me this for years, and now, for some reason, she is not practicing what she preaches. Humans are a complicated species. I doubt I will ever truly understand them. As I am here to learn from them, I shall just quietly sit and rock away quietly in my chair. 

Last night, a storm hit Jeepers, and the mistress went out—crazy if you ask me. She said it would be an exciting night and felt like staying at home, but she knew she would enjoy it. So, we hunkered down, listening to the wind and rain.

 

            

 

 7/5/24

These humans took off this morning, and when the Mistress could stand up properly, she got around here with a wobble, and slowly, I might add. She announces that the wheat bag brought colossal relief and pleased His Lordship. He lovingly gets her breakfast and pills and generally runs after her. She enjoys the fuss, and he never complains unless he is having her on.  

So, while we had the place to ourselves, we ran outside and played in the leaves. It was so much fun. Moonshine hadn't done this before and was hooked when he saw what we were doing. Of course, the jokes flew out of his mouth and cracked everyone up. Luckily, we came in before the humans arrived home. Payday is always a shopping day here. His Lordship carries the shopping while the love of his life puts it all away, saving the stress on her back.

The Mistress had some sewing to do on a jacket. The sleeves were too long and needed attention. Sitting in the sun appealed in her chair. Being partly black, it was easier to see in the sun.  His Lordship jumped on board and suggested she might like to take up the hems of his jeans. Such a good idea, she thought while it was sunny. After jabbing herself with pins several times, she got the sewing machine out. 

I preferred to stay out of the way because she was very frustrated with this machine's failure to do what it was told. Cool air appeared briefly, so keeping my lips sealed was best. Trixie agreed, and we kept our lips sealed and watched over her shoulder. 

Job done. She is pleased with her efforts, and His Lordship is happy. She aims to please her man, especially as he does so much for her, especially in the mornings. 

I see those birds outside are still eating that chunk of bread. They seem to toss it all over the place and find the crust a mission to attack. That's probably why the birds are eating it.

Chicken and vegetable soup were on the menu tonight, and the humans enjoyed it. I can't see the birds getting this anytime soon. I have noted that this man is easy to please, especially if no pizza is on the menu.

By the looks of things, he is getting sorted to return to Ashburton tomorrow. It is golf day. I wonder what the Mistress has planned. I will have to wait to find out. 

 6/5/24

The Mistress has been scammed, and she is not at all impressed. A pretty tidy sum, she says, and too much for a pensioner to lose. She trotted off to the bank, and now it's in the hands of the fraud department. Fraud now is a new word for me to ponder. This is the first I have heard of this, and the Mistress says it is common now with technology. So, isn't technology meant to sort this so that fraud doesn't happen? Easier said than done, she announces. Oh, heck, this is hard for my poor head to understand. The Mistress says to let her worry about it and for me to focus on good vibes to get the house sold.

On a different note, I overheard a cryptic conversation today on the phone... I'm sworn to secrecy. The Mistress assures me that we'll have more information next week. For now, I've been instructed to keep mum about this topic. 

Before the phone call, the Mistress embarked on a massive project, sorting through numerous drawers and downsizing her belongings. It was a Herculean task, with His Lordship pointing out that the weight of her possessions was a significant concern for the caravan. She certainly has a substantial wardrobe, that's for sure. 

She also needed to find her sewing kit for the caravan as she had some sewing on cuffs and a jacket. This meant taking the wardrobe doors off. She had packed boxes out of the road. After some heavy grunting, she found what she was looking for. What a relief, I say. That grunting sounded painful. I hope she doesn't do this too often.

5/5/24

The Mistress was in a lot of pain today and moving very slowly. Her back is the problem, and she had to have extra sit-downs. Meds need to do the job, she says, but I saw her heating her wheat bag, which she only uses when it is awful. It is rather funny to see her doubled over while walking. Crickey, don't tell her this. I might have to start running.

Eventually, she sorted the house with His Lordship's help for the open home. As usual, all was looking great until the duster passed my nose. Why dust? It will all be back tomorrow!

Today, the fella was quite chirpy, introduced himself, and asked me where all the buyers were. Hey mate, that is your job. He was a nice chap, and we had quite a discussion about this buyer business. I politely said that we wanted to get on the road. He informed me that when people downsize, they do not realize how small these places are. 

I can hear the Mistress say, "Be patient."

After he left, we took off outside as we heard the birds enjoy some chunky bread these humans threw out. They dug right inside and made a cave. Clever little clogs they are. BUT The Mistress is not at all happy. She went out the front door to find a good chunk of garden on the path and lawn. All the plants she put in yesterday were all over the place. After sorting the garden, she shook pepper all around to make them sneeze. 

I have never seen a bird sneeze, so I must sit and wait for this one. This mission could get interesting. Why pepper? I asked her. It is a common deterrent.

Anyway, we honed around outside, and it was a nice day, so we caught up with our mates. That Policeman outside the gate wouldn't let us past. Who does he think he is? We wanted to go over to the common area. There is so much room to run around and climb the trees. There is even a garden there, and we could have hidden from each other, but that was not to be. He is so mean. I wonder if the Mistress pays him not to let us pass. 

I heard the Mistress talking to a lady we house-sat for in Paeroa. Gosh, that is a long way to go. Her cute, big, fluffy white cat, Milly, is no longer with them. I remember the Mistress giving her medicine every day, too. She and I had many chats on the floor, and the Mistress loved her. Just down their road, a lady gave the Mistress three Gnomes she didn't want, and they were part of a set she already had. The actual neighbors over the fence were great people, too. That lady took the Mistress to play croquet. 

I wonder what they decide regarding this place.

 3/5/24

The Mistress went out to the garden for a tidy-up before the next open home on Sunday. It was very messy and some of my mates you couldn't see. They got a talking-to simultaneously and were informed they had to keep it tidy. She even transferred plants around to fill a space. She looks proud now. We have to have a happy Mistress! 

His Lordship phoned, which also made for a very happy Mistress. They crack each other up a lot. They constantly fire potshots at each other with a lot of hilarity. They do miss each other, and I must listen to this talk. Well, then sell the house, and they will be permanently together.

Today and some other days, I catch the Mistress using her foot to push my friend the door stop into position. This is different from how gnomes like to be treated. Placing him with her hands would be far more pleasant for that old fella. He is getting fed up with the digs in his side to move. One day, he may lash out, which might not be funny for her. 

I hope he comes with us in the caravan. He is helpful and likes looking outside at the birds eating the bread they chuck out. 

I have just noticed she has had a haircut. She told me this was done on Wednesday, and I am too late to comment. Women prefer comments on the day, and I overlooked this matter!! Oh dear, it is tough to live being a mere Gnome.

Last night, we went to the freezing garage with the ping-pong balls and had a great bounce around. They make quite a noise on the concrete, so we had to watch out for the lady of the house. We saw her go to the bathroom and thought she was coming out to us. Phew, she changed her mind. 

Arh, the love birds have just been on the phone. One more sleep, she says. Great news: He is not going to kill those poor ducks. He has nobody to go with, so she is delighted about this. It's not suitable to shoot on your own. 

2/5/24

The sun was shining, and His Lordship went south. You see, he is hoping to do some duck shooting as it is always the beginning of May. Why, oh, why would a human want to shoot ducks anyway. I cannot see the logic in this at all. Some of his mates are unavailable, and the Mistress hopes he doesn't shoot alone. I had quite a chat with the Mistress about this business. She says it's a predominantly male thing and the thrill of being a good shot. I ask What he is going to do with this dead duck. 

OMG, I was not ready for her reply. Eat them. Do you mean to tell me he will shoot more than one? She announces that it depends on how good a shot he is. Let's hope he fails and lets the poor duck live. Fancy that. What else does this man do? He goes fishing, but since they have been together, he is too occupied to go. This is the goal when that agent sells this place. Well, I want to see this business. What does he do with the fish...eat them, she says. What, poor fish. Humans are a weird bunch. 

The Mistress sat me down and explained that the male human already has the hunting ability in them (they are born with it) to provide for his family. They also want to keep them warm, and the male gathers the wood for those with fires to heat their homes. If they are fortunate, females can help. 

I have heard him talk about cutting down trees and sawing them up small to burn. He sometimes helps people, and recently, his brother, as he has a hole in his arm. That sounds yucky, but he showed the Mistress, and I don't think she was impressed.

So, his Lordship has plenty of skills for doing all sorts of things, including towing a huge posh caravan and a massive car for towing this thing. Then he has to teach the Mistress. He has a very huge task teaching her. I hope he is patient because she is a challenge. Her friends seem to think females can do anything and are happy to learn most of the time! These friends tow their caravans to give their fellas a break. Also, if he pops his clogs, then she will know what to do. 

Living with this species is such an exciting life. I have learned so much, and The Mistress says we keep learning until the day we die.

1/5/24

His Lordship decided he wouldn't play golf today due to the rain. What is wrong with a bit of rain? My mates outside get rained on and find it refreshing. So why is this a problem for him?  He needs to harden up, I reckon. The Mistress enjoys time on her own as it is peaceful, but she is pleased to have him for one more day, and I doubt she is objecting. 

The humans went out today, and as usual, there is no sign of how long they will be there. So, we took off out to the garage. There is much more room for us to run around now that the Mistress has got rid of more stuff. We pinged from the garage door and bounced off the back door with a cushion. Plenty of room for Gnomes. 

I am pleased to report that our books are almost ready to buy. The daughter has spent many hours trying to sort technology and nearly pulling her hair out. She has long hair, so quite a lot to pull! The Mistress is excited, but again, she has to have patience. Mid-May looks promising. 

This patience word is coming up so often lately. The Mistress says there are many things in life that we need to have patience. She would be an expert by the time we hit our road adventure.

Gnomes don't bother with this stuff. Humans make life so complicated for themselves. Why do they do this? I am to learn more about this species, and I have more to explore in my books. 

The Mistress tells me she really misses not having a furry friend around. I see she watches cats on YouTube with His Lordship. They enjoy a good laugh seeing what that species gets up to. There are real belly laughs at times, and it is quite a sight from my place on the shelf. 

I used to watch the foster pets run around here like Luner ticks. They would be sound asleep, wake, run, jump, and never stop. It was quite tiring for a fella like me. I got dizzy at times. Maybe she will be happy house and pet sitting if we ever go on our road adventure. I shall have a talk with the agent and get him sorted. Man-to-man should do it. 

 30/4/24

These humans have been busy outside today, making the most of the sunshine, tidying up, and biffing out. She announces that I will be next if I get on the road. That's me told, and of course, I returned to my place on the shelf. Luckily, I could see what they were doing out the windows.

I saw His Lordship playing with the hose up the steps. He was deep in concentration and did not want to interfere, so she went the other way. He was cleaning the outdoor wooden seat and making it look friendly to the new owner. It is a great spot to sit in the sun or shade. When will this buyer roll up? The Mistress says we need lots of patience. Well, I say mine has run out. You would think she could do something about this. I really want to get into this new posh caravan. I am desperate to see what the humans are raving about. The Mistress says, "Like it or Lump it." They are my choices. I shan't tell you what the agent said to me on Sunday. This is just between me and him. I shall have to tell him he is not doing his job.!!

Rest and relaxation

Summer pool

She also washed out the pool, which she turned over for the winter. The water was yucky, too, with leaves. It's not a good look for a buyer.

Upside down for 
winter

The Mistress continues to be frustrated with these buyers of the stuff she wants to sell. Some people don't seem to understand what pending means. She wishes it was the house pending. 

 29/4/24

The mistress has been making sure I spend only a little time here. She is so mean and thinks I could get square eyes. The Grandson spends time on his devices, and by the looks of things, he wasn't allowed to bring any to our place. The Mistress says his parents try to limit his time on these because they should be doing other things. Poor lad, I know how he feels. His Mum and Dad must have known the Mistress had some jobs lined up. They were right. He did well, helping these humans, and achieved many tasks. He even dried some dishes, which did not go down well. Maybe he has a dishwasher at home as we do, but she has cleaned it and won't use it again. The Mistress says he is a very handy young chap to have around. Will he be around when it's time to pack all 400-odd Gnomes? I reckon he will scarper! 

There was another open home yesterday, and everyone is pleased that at least one person turned up. 

There is even more room in the garage now. The family took away a heap of stuff, and 3 bags went into the car for the op shops. 

The pantry spices got sorted today, and she is mighty pleased with her effort. Her motto was, if not used in the past year, it will never be used. I thought she would still cook in the caravan. Now I wonder what they will eat if she doesn't cook on this permanent holiday. Will it be love, maybe.....! Will His Lordship take her out for meals to avoid cooking? Somehow, I doubt it. Will she take him out for meals? Somehow, I doubt this too. 

From what I hear, when on holiday it means a holiday from everything.  Now, this could get very interesting. I shall have to report later. 

If she doesn't make that stinky pickle again, it would be too hard to escape the smell in a small environment, but her other cooking is okay. She does not usually burn things, which is a bonus, especially for Gnomes and His Lordship. 

It is getting rather chilly these days, and the humans say winter is near.  Oh, I do worry about those fellas outside. The Mistress is not interested and says we have been through this before. It is not her problem. I do know that the pool needs cleaning out; in fact, it is overdue. I wonder when she will get this sorted. I had better be careful; she could have handed me the scrubbing brush. 

 

27/4/24

His Lordship's Grandson arrived here for the night. The Mistress went and picked him up. They got cracking and prepared to make fudge cake. Now, this was an exciting process to watch. She made him wash his hands first, and off he scarpered. He was keen as mustard to get onto this. I wonder why? 

Smashing the biscuits

Yummy

He smashed the biscuits with the rolling pin while the Mistress prepared the chocolate mixture. Now, this lad mixed everything well; the best part was licking his fingers after mixing the mixture. He really enjoyed this part, too. He also licked the icing bowl with Chocolate from ear to ear.

Mixing the icing

Spreading the icing

Once Granddad arrived, the mixture was ready for a productivity test. It had set and was prepared to be cut. Everyone gave it a thumbs-up. This lad even asked for the recipe!! Poor Mum. 

His Granddad set him up outside to take the butterflies off the fence. This meant getting the small step ladder as he was only 10. He was really good at getting the screws out, and some of his grandad had to help to start them off. The Mistress packed them ready for storage.

Taking the butterflies down for storage.

Making the Roux sauce for Macaroni Cheese

This lad is keen to assist with the cooking and seemed to enjoy grating the cheese and stirring it into the sauce. He then added the cooked macaroni and kept stirring it all in. He even dished his meal, and the Mistress reminded him there was also pudding and to leave room in his tummy for it.

Next, it was time to get his bed sorted with Grandad. He brought a blow-up, and I sat on it while it was done. It was a weird experience. I rocked around a bit and nearly rocked over, too.

Hey, what's happening.

Rocking around 

His grandad really enjoyed Levi's cooking and baking. I think he might like to come back again. We will have to try another kind of meal next time.

 

26/4/24

 This morning, there was concern because the Mistress didn't wake up until very late. We waited and waited for her to rise. She was up several times at night, walking around and catching us out. She says our noise kept her awake, and we needed to be quiet for a while. At 3 a.m., she was grumpy, so we stayed out of her way and remained very quiet.

Eventually, she stopped coming out, allowing us to assume she had gone to sleep. So, she has to sleep late to make up for what she missed. His Lordship texted her at 9.30, which woke her up. She was still a bit grumpy when she came out. Why do humans do this? I checked out my books for answers and found nothing. Humans are so complicated to understand. Why? She and I discussed this business and reminded me that Mr. Grumpy Gnome lives in front of the house. She is asking me why he is grumpy. How would I know? 

She took me outside to discuss his features. It appears the girl gnome in the garden opposite him was getting on his nerves. He kept telling her to be quiet, but she didn't notice. Like most females, they have a mind of their own. She is the only female out the front, so my mates suggested we gang up on her and put her in her place. 

Now, Mr. Grumpy makes a habit of this mood. We shall devise a plan to put a smile on his face. Should we move him or the female gnome? I need some time to ponder this. 

There was a very mushy phone call tonight from His Lordship. Arh, these humans are missing each other. He told her he would play golf in the morning and come home in the afternoon, which pleased the Mistress no end. 

The Mistress did some baking this afternoon, hoping he would approve. The Grandson is coming over tomorrow to stay the night. I wonder where he will sleep, as the humans sold the bed in the spare room. He might enjoy this baking, too, and the Mistress has something else for him to make. The Mistress's kids love this stuff and feel he will, too. She may have to hide it from His Lordship, too. I also heard her say he might like to help cook dinner too. I am looking forward to watching this.

 25/4/24

It has been tranquil around here. The Mistress potters around, and His Lordship went south to play golf. The garage is clear of junk, and all the packed boxes go to storage, leaving much more room for Gnome antics. More cupboards have been cleared, which pleases her. I reckon she is a hoarder, as she is known for "in case I need it."

We have heard that an oversized load is going to the dump at the end of moving out. The red bin is packed weekly, and only some things will fit. 

Last night, we skated on the garage floor. Most of us skated on the seat of our pants and fell about laughing. Running and then crashing into the garage door wasn't so much fun. We made considerable noise and feared the Mistress would storm through the door, so we changed direction and ran the other way, but she had moved a cabinet around, and the glass door was at the end. Now, this would not go down well if we broke it and us too. We spotted a cushion and put it at the door for some padding. Lowering the noise and our pain was a bonus.

Our tiny legs got tired quickly, and like the Mistress, we rested often. Moonshine cracked some jokes. As always, this cracked everyone up, and we rolled around the floor with sore tummies from laughing.

The Mistress went out today, and as usual, no time was given for her return. We headed outside and played in the leaves around the back. We had so much fun and cannot wait to do this again. We are hoping the Mistress won't sweep them up.  Being very crisp to listen to meant an exciting experience, and the wind started to blow more down, adding to our fun. 

 23/4/24

The Mistress announces that it is one year since we arrived from our big North Island holiday, which included touring and house sitting. We also caught up with family and made friends with our homeowners, who trusted us to look after their furry friends and sometimes walk the dog. We enjoyed these experiences and are looking forward to doing some more, and maybe farm sits too, as His Lordship has these skills. 

I'd like to know if we can go to the Hot Air Ballooning again. The Mistress eventually enjoyed this experience. I would like another crack at getting on the tour of our parliament buildings. Last time, I was not allowed this experience and had to stay in the Mistress's bag in a particular room. This was hardly good enough, and boy, I told her too. It was the rules, she says. But I am a Gnome and harmless. She said I could have had a gun or camera hidden on me and this is not allowed. 

I also recall getting an article on stuff news. TV 1 breakfast show and Suzuki Cars wanted us to pose for photos for their magazines. A local paper in Tauranga put an article in their paper, too, and Season magazine also printed an article. 

Now look what has happened since we came home. We have become Authors, and 2 more books will soon be published. The Mistress met her Prince Charming. Now we are selling up and going to live on the road all over NZ in a flash caravan, and another article in the newspaper recently.

To top this off tonight, we have had over 22,200 hits on this blog. Who would have thought this would happen?

We only need a producer to contact us and make a movie! Now, this is the icing on the cake.

Jeepers, this has been a fantastic ride these past couple of years. The Mistress says life is moving very fast, and we need to get cracking and get on the road, but hang on, there is a house to sell. 

The Mistress always says it is not about being famous; it is about touching people's lives and giving them a laugh.

22/4/24

There was another open house yesterday, and nobody showed up. So, what is wrong with this house? It is warm, cozy, low-maintenance, great for oldies, and perfect for Gnomes. The agent indicated that he had four open houses and only one customer. How boring for him. The Mistress works hard to make the house look great, but all for nothing.

I hear these humans went for a posh lunch at the Raspberry Cafe. The Mistress had wanted to visit this place for a long time and finally got her wish today. It was a ride in the country, and they did not take me. I need more than this and am still waiting for a ride in this rental car. Her own car is still being repaired from her accident. 

These humans haven't taken me on any trips lately, and I need to complain, but I doubt they will listen. It is a callous life being a Gnome at times. I am privileged to live with these humans, so I better button up.

They are still selling stuff here, and I would like to know when it is my turn to get a photo taken and posted on Marketplace. They are taking pictures of all sorts of things, but I could end up worse off going to another home and missing out on our caravan life on the road, traveling to goodness only knows where. I shall remain silent and read up on the South Island and the places we should visit if we ever sell this place.

We headed back out to the garage during the night, as the humans had made a lot more room to move. The Mistress had washing hung up, so this was great entertainment for us, swinging around like monkeys. It was so much fun as we hadn't done this before. When Moonshine got his head out of his book, he joined us and cracked a few jokes while swinging on His Lordship's trousers. 

There was something else on the stand that we had not seen before, and we wondered precisely what part of the body these were worn on. Moonshine put these on his head and down to his feet. He tried to put his knees in but could see these were far too small. We sat around to discuss this weird piece of clothing, and nobody could work this out. We asked if it was for a male or female. Again, nobody could figure this out. 

Sitting around later with some books has yet to solve the issue. We do not have the correct book for the answer. This is a huge dilemma. It is obviously going to take time to find the answer. Trixie says Google, try Google. What is Google, for heaven's sake? Trixie says Google knows everything. How do I go about this? The Mistress is always reluctant to allow me on this device. I need a lie-down. This is just too much for my relatively small head to contemplate.

 20/4/24

These humans got all dressed up last night and went out. Jeepers, His Lordship scrubs up well, and the Mistress is very proud of him despite his moaning. Her friend suggested he looked younger and that she was to look out because the young ones would be after him!

 We had the feeling they could be a while. Both cars were still in the driveway, so we worked that out. Did they walk? Nobody outside could tell us. They were gone for quite some time, which was just what we needed. Still, it was daylight, so we headed outdoors. Peeking out the gate was attractive until Mr. Policeman decided we were to go no further. He is such a meanie. We tried bribing him, but this failed dramatically. He was not having a bar of our pleading.

If he thinks he has us right where he wants us, he has to think again. Our determination to explore our options was unwavering. The Mistress sold the ladder and a heap of stuff we could climb on. This was hardly fair. We tried climbing the Hydrangea, but some branches didn't like this at all. It wasn't very tall as it had been pruned recently. Botherations. What a dilemma to have. We knew we would jump over the fence if we could get high enough. 

Soon, we ran out of ideas for what to climb on and had to abort our plans, leaving Mr. Policeman delighted and with a massive smirk on his face. If I were a little thinner, then maybe I would crawl under the gate and start running. We will work on this in the coming days. Our disappointment was palpable.

The humans rolled in the door, eventually catching us out yet again. We had all the ping pong balls in all directions when we heard the garage door open. What could we do in a hurry? Trixie said just to go to our places and apologize. The Mistress wasn't in the mood to pick up balls as her back had been playing up this afternoon. She struggled away, and soon, the floor was back to normal. Anyway, we had loads of fun, and worth the telling-off we got.  

His Lordship wandered out this morning later than usual and got ready for his golf day. Then he went away and left the Mistress to sleep in. 

 18/4/24

The Mistress pottered around the house until it was time to go and meet her friend for lunch. Moonshine couldn't wait for her to go out because he had plans. He didn't expect the door to open, and in comes His Lordship. Moonshine nearly dropped his book onto Trixie, who was below the next shelf. So, that mission was aborted. We will just have to wait until these humans go to bed tonight.

The Mistress left instructions on what jobs needed to be done in her absence. He seemed happy, and off she went. Pottering around, he was glad to have some peace to do his own thing when he was ready. He is an interesting character to watch when he is doing his chores. The facial expressions are worth watching. Moonshine, always ready to find amusement in the mundane, gets a giggle every time. 

19/4/24

The Mistress was at it again and shoved me off here. It is just not fair. She reminded me she would wait her turn if I started paying some bills. Well, this is me told. It's a tough life being a Gnome amongst these human species. 

Now, where was I? Oh yes, Moonshine. Well, he entertained us all night with his jokes about human body language and facial expressions. He had us rolling around the floor laughing. We had to lower the noise in case the humans woke up. He didn't stop all night. So today, we are exhausted and need a rest. 

It can be a bit tricky when these humans are going about their day. Hopefully, they will go out and give us some peace. 

The Mistress bought home some empty banana boxes yesterday. The car was chocka. It appears these are good for packing the gnomes in the garden that are going into storage. This place was sold, and that owner is now on the road in his caravan.

 These chaps won't be happy about this caper. They will have no freedom. We will miss going outside to talk and play. At least those who are not fully dressed will be much warmer. 

However, life moves on, and we, the selected few, will be enjoying this caravan life and seeing NZ. The only problem is when?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

17/4/24

There was no sign of the Mistress this morning as His Lordship rises exceptionally early daily. The Mistress didn't sleep well, so she stayed in bed. Peaceful, I say, with just His Lordship and I, but he took off early as it was golf day and loaded more boxes for the family to store. 

The Mistress enjoys time alone, allowing him to pursue his interests. She would never deprive him of his sport. So, off out to the garage while Trixie and I listened to the radio. We spent a lot of time wondering about our caravan life and everything we could see, similar to when the Mistress took me on the five-month holiday. I learned so much about this human and am eager to learn more this time with His Lordship. These two humans are like two peas in a pod. I have had to teach Trixie about these sayings that humans use. I have become quite clever at listening to these new little stories. Passing my knowledge on to our other Gnome friends is a great help. I shan't tell you what Moonshine said about these peas in a pod. It's just not for humans to hear. His head is full of jokes and always comes out with something funny, causing us much laughter and fun.

Today, the mistress finds people strange when they can't read the measurements in the advertisement. One lady came and was expecting a smaller shelf, but despite the instructions, it turned out much more significant, and she couldn't get in her car with the kids, either. She paid her and said she would be back. It would still fit the area she has. A small car too, and the Mistress doubts it will fit in when she eventually returns.

So, more boxes are packed, and the red bin is complete, with more to go in when it's empty tomorrow. The opportunity shops will be glad to have some more bargains and fundraising. They all will have done well by the time the Mistress has finished. 

We are hoping there is more room out in the garage for us to explore. So tonight, we shall check this out. 

16/4/24 

Oh dear, these humans spent the day at home today, doing their usual, tossing out or selling stuff. The mistress gets very frustrated with people who have a limited understanding of English. She gives clear instructions and numbers, but these people need help understanding. I have often heard the odd not-so-nice word, and there have been a few. She got His Lordship to go with her in the dark to the street tonight as she wasn't feeling safe. 

Because this was a man, then enough said. But hang on a minute. A lady eventually turned up this morning after the Mistress said to drive in several times. Duhhh.

His Lordship had the job of getting some technology going and disposing of or fixing things. She always keeps him busy, and mind you, he doesn't usually mind, even though he always complains. It is only a smoke screen. 

This afternoon, he announced that the police are auctioning off jewelry. The Mistress wonders why the interest!! Hmmm, watch this space. 

The Mistress announces that the outside windows need washing today. A moan from His Lordship pops out, and off they go. Watching the teamwork from my perfect position on the wall unit is attractive. He washes with exciting body language and facial expressions. His enthusiasm is evident with each stroke, then on to the next. The Mistress has the hose to wash off, and he politely tells her he is getting wet, and so is the washing on the clothesline. He suggested she turn the fancy spray gun to another setting. Of course, she does as he suggests with a positive effect. She is pleased with the result, and he is delighted. 

They enjoyed dinner, and while washing up, the Mistress got several texts and had to leave her slave to it. It was important, too, as she was answering her adverts to sell this stuff now banking up in the lounge. She offered to finish drying soon. His Lordship had other ideas and wanted to help. Now, just where did she find her fella? 

14/4/24

 The humans were up early and away out. Another open home and they are very pleased it stayed sunny for it. The Mistress went out and left His Lordship to wash the floors and vacuum the floors. He did a mighty fine job from what I could see. Then he went out too. So how long have we got for Gnome business today? This is a guess only, as nobody said. 

So where were all the buyers today? Nobody wants a nice home. The country is in a recession according to the Mistress. People don't want to move maybe, maybe not. Being a Gnome I find this knowledge hard on my mega brain. Sounds like politics to me and I am not getting involved.

It is like religion I do not discuss here either. If it was the environment, then I am all in.   

This afternoon, these humans went out again and His Lordship came home with huge bags and a box. The Mistress made it very clear that the strong paper bags would be useful to recycle. Sounds to me like she has a plan brewing.

The Mistress was mighty chuffed with his purchases. This now means she will have to share the wardrobe as he has stuff to hang up now. 

15/4/24

As usual, I get interrupted on here as the Mistress wants to do something. She has been a busy bee again out in the garage and getting stuff sold. She has been sorting the pantry today and things are flying everywhere. His Lordship doesn't get much peace at times either, as there is always a job for him, or several lined up if he delays getting into gear. 

From my prime position on the wall unit, it was clear the Mistress was cooking up a storm with dinner tonight. The only problem was the amount, of dishes for His Lordship to wash. She wonders why he moans when she dries the dishes. Obviously, he used to live on his own and vegetables were not usually on the menu. 

The Mistress believes in eating a good amount of them to keep healthy. That large wok was almost full and far too much for these humans to eat tonight. Spare meals for the freezer when nobody wants to cook is very handy, she says.  

These humans seem to enjoy watching YouTube cats and dog antics. From the look at her body language, she loves watching their antics and always gets a great laugh. She happens to say that it is very healthy to have a belly laugh now and again. Also, because she can't have a cat this is the best way to enjoy these creatures. 

She really misses them too and always looks forward to house-sitting where she can love them to bits.

13/4/24

What a peaceful day I was going to have today. The Mistress was away early, and I heard her say she didn't know how long she would be.  Whippie, we could get up to all sorts of things and take our time. There was a mad scramble because we heard the garage door go up. Oh heck, who could this be?  

Quick as a wink, we all raced to put away the Ping-Pong balls, falling over each other in the process, and jumping up to our positions on the wall unit. Who should walk in the door, but His Lordship. It was Saturday for goodness's sake and golf day. It appears it was raining down in Ashburton, and when the Mistress left, it was starting to clear here with a small amount of sunshine. 

So, our peace went out the garage door, as His Lordship came in. He sits in his chair with a cup of tea and the TV on. Later the Mistress texted him asking if he was home, and the twit said, "At golf". He could have fooled me, but the Mistress unbeknown to him had a call from a friend in distress and needed her. So, she could have picked him up. His view was he would surprise her, but it backfired, and she went to her friend. 

Wherever she went today she was given an idea about this publishing stuff. To do an audiobook. Now this could well help those poor people who can't hold a book and what about those poor blind people. She tells me she will give it some thought. No good thinking about this I say. Just get on with it.

So, what can we get up to tonight? 

12/4/24

My goodness I stepped outside when the Mistress went out. It is a bit chilly and wet out there. My poor friends are a bit cold around and, in the pool, but they are getting the BBQ set up and standing around it to keep warm. Stupid fellas, no brain I would say. 

So winter is here and making the days very dull, and boring. The Mistress prefers the sunshine these days. Some days we need the lights on here very early. Not being able to see her from my prime position on the wall unit, isn't funny. I watch her body language like she has been teaching me, and I see all kinds of things. I am not about to divulge what I see either, as more trouble could be ahead if I do.

The daughter has been getting these books ready to publish sometime soon. She asks lots of questions at times, and the Mistress almost needs a lie down to recover from this thinking business. Being retired means her brain doesn't always function the way it used to. Some of her friends are saying the same it appears. Surely this retired business doesn't have to mean that you stop your thinking process. Gnomes don't retire you see. We just carry on the same thing every day.  

We are getting great feedback about the eBook now available online. Some people even want to do a review, as they think it is so good. Now this has puffed up The Mistress's shoulders no end. Being a Published Author now is an interesting occupation to have. Another string to her bow, whatever this means. I guess I will have to consult my books as to what this all means. Her current body language looks like I am not to ask questions. The face is stern looking, and I shan't interrupt right now. 

She has other friends who are authors too, which is very interesting for the Mistress. One of them we house sat for, up north and these two can't wait to catch up again. They like caravaning too and probably meet up on the road somewhere. They won't have their two cats with them, Ziggy and Bindi. The Mistress just loves these furry friends, and the Granddaughter does too. The Man of the house really likes the pictures of our new Caravan, and says he approves of it and what we are about to do. That cat Ziggy, well his photo is in the children's book sleeping on the bed. The Mistress loves that photo the illustrator copied. She had a special program to do these drawings.

She is into the wine tonight. It appears she is missing His Lordship. Arh you should hear their phone conversation tonight. Mushy, mushy. Sounds like he is missing her too. If it continues to rain, then he will be back tomorrow. Getting wet is not part of the game for him. 

I do know she is going out tomorrow and could be for most of the day by the sounds of it, but the trouble is I won't know if he is returning or not. Just how is a gnome meant to do their gnome business. I shall have to ponder this tonight and call a meeting with my mates.

11/4/24

Sometimes the Mistress doesn't let me use this platform, and it can be frustrating. However, she's been teaching me the importance of being patient, so I try to remain calm. 

However, what I don't understand is why she's not patient when it comes to selling our house. She complains about it every day, but I think she should practice what she preaches. Oh heck, maybe I should hide for a while as she could tip me out with heaps of other stuff.

She slept in this morning, which meant her day got off to a different start. Must have needed this extra sleep I would say. We couldn't attend to our Gnome business until very late as she was watching TV. 

When it was safe, we snuck past her bedroom, and out to the garage. The Mistress has emptied the very large emergency kits, so we had lots of fun, playing with these face mask things. We used the cutlery to biff things around to each other. There was a towel on the floor, so Moonshine went under it to hide. It was ages until Trixie found him and he was trying to tell her to be quiet, an impossible task for a woman I would say.

He soon started on his jokes about Woman, and she was far from impressed, so went back to the living area and left him to it. 

Today the Mistress has sold more stuff and a lovely lady bought other stuff and the 2 rather large lions at the entranceway. She had intended on leaving these here, as they were so heavy. This poor lady lifted both of these into her car. She announced to the Mistress that woman, can do anything. The Mistress used to anything too, but I have noticed that lately, she leaves certain things to His Lordship. Poor man I say!! 

9/4/24

The Mistress shared some exciting news with us. Her eBook is now available on Amazon, and the hard copy will follow soon. She feels accomplished as an Author/Writer, and her daughter deserves credit for helping upload the eBook to the platform. However, the hardcover book is facing some challenges in getting to the market, which is taking longer than expected. They are hoping to get it published in NZ in a few months. 

The Mistress is relieved that her car will not be written off and will be fixed by the insurance company. But unfortunately, it won't be able to tow the new caravan, and it has to go into storage. 

She also had a prospective buyer come to see the house with the agent, which sounds promising. The Mistress is excited to start her big caravan adventure, and we are too! She has been cleaning out drawers in the kitchen today but still has plenty more to do. 

I wonder how many traffic tickets she will get on this next adventure. Now it would be terrible if she became famous having so many tickets. 

The other day His Lordship was shredding all her papers in files, and he came across them. There was quite a debate, and this was an interesting conversation to listen to. 

It appears, His Lordship hasn't had quite so many but maybe there are other tales that I better not talk about here, because I can see me getting tipped out, so my lips are sealed.

He has the job of teaching the Mistress how to tow this giant caravan, and of course, back it, and park it.  She reckons she has to learn because if he pops his clogs then she has to do this towing business and of course empty the wastewater. I just hope she knows what she is doing when completing these tasks. She reckons Woman, can do anything. !!

7/4/24

The humans went out last night, so we had extra time for Gnome activities. Moonshine went to find the key to the plonk cupboard. He searched for ages, but the Mistress had been packing, so what did he expect. No key was found so his mood wasn't flash. Anybody would think he had withdrawal symptoms. 

The rest of us, however, ran around like lunatics. Hoening here and there and having a blast. Recovery took us a while, as we were not at all fit. 

The humans had another open home today, which meant getting the house in order. People were also coming to buy stuff, which kept her on her toes. 

To add to the chaos the humans forgot to put the clocks back last night, so needed to not sit around today, despite the extra hour. There is also a drop in temperature these days and very chilly nights. My concern is these mates outside in the pool in this freezing weather. The Mistress says that they make their choices. That is so mean. 

8/4/24

The other worry is the fella who sits on top of the human's toilet. He is still naked. Maybe he just wants to flash things about. Now there is no female Gnomes who would enter this room. They do not tolerate such a carry-on. On our travels, I hope the Mistress doesn't buy more Gnomes. His Lordship is very concerned about our weight. Imagine if we were one Gnome too heavy. They may have to choose. OMG, this is a real worry. I can see Moonshine getting into trouble very quickly. Hmm. As long as it is not me that is all that matters.

His Lordship has been hanging out for the Mistress to make Date scones. Today she cleaned out the baking drawer and found some dates and small packets of assorted fruits that needed using up, so they all went in the bowel. He got his scones, and she wasn't impressed when he put jam on them. Weird she reckons. It appears they enjoyed them with a cup of tea, and with Margarine on them.  

6/4/24

There is a blue rental sitting in our driveway. Looks pretty cool too. The Mistress's other car still waiting to see if they can repair it. She is a bit nervous about this driving business. His Lordship and I were left alone last night while she went out with a friend. It was peaceful until a fella turned up to buy the ladder and changed his mind. He didn't have a happy look on his face either. 

He even cooked some chips for his dinner and didn't offer me one either. Just one is all I needed. He looked like he enjoyed them too. 😕

The Mistress staggered in the door without a drop of alcohol. It helps when the place she went to isn't licensed. Vegetarian too and not a drop of meat in the place. Both enjoyed it too. 

Last night we explored the garage as these humans have been out there tidying it up. The Mistress was tired of the mess and wanted things in order. We are mighty pleased about this because it means we now have more room to toss the Pin Pong balls around.  Oh, what fun we had. Trixie hid around the corners because we were attacking her. Females, I do not know. They spoiled our fun, but the pole dancer was in Moonshine's team, and they won the game. We cannot wait until tonight as these humans are going out, we hear.

The phone has been busy again with all these things they have for sale here. I reckon the Mistress is overselling stuff because people do not always turn up. This causes a lot of frustration, so I keep an eye out on her because I do not want her stressed. 

 I have just been told to get off here, how rude. I was enjoying myself too. There is always another day or night!!

 4/4/24

Oh, my goodness, I don't even know where to begin today. So much can happen in a day. His Lordship went golfing, and the Mistress and I had a peaceful day. She did some chores around the house and rested, as she planned to take me out that evening. I hadn't been out in ages, so she made me go to the bathroom to clean myself. However, she must have forgotten that I never, under any circumstances, go near water. She gets forgetful at times, and so does that man of hers. 

We had quite a difference of opinion about this business of washing myself. She hands me the soap, expecting me to use it. Gee, I sure had news for her........No way mam. I was out that door before she had another go. 

Next, we negotiated going out, if I was washed only. So, thinking on my feet very quickly I had to agree or stay home. This is not part of a Gnomes task. Most of us live outside and play or dig in the dirt. Looking after the environment is our mission and this outing, we were going on was a Nerd Nite. She assured me that other Gnomes may be there and that I would have others for company. So, in that case, I headed to the bathroom and pretended to wash while she wasn't in there. Then very quickly reported that I was clean and smelling fresh.

The Mistress was worried that this place was right in the city and darkness is early now and not keen to be in this part of the city. 

Eventually, we headed off, after I was stuffed in bubble wrap. Now I am quite partial to this stuff as I enjoy popping the bubbles, and this fills in my time traveling.

What the ............ has happened here. There was an almighty noise as we spun around and the Mistress was trying to keep away from other cars, so drove up the Kerb on the corner, between the power pole and the building. First, I must say we are both ok. No injuries at all. Just her pride and confidence.

Two delightful girls came to check on us laughing and saying, "You should be a stunt woman driver" They admired her skills at navigating just where to go that would cause the least amount of damage. Surely this would please the insurance company she thought. 

It turns out a very nice young chap at a stop sign didn't see that we were coming over in the other lane. It was peak traffic, and all had come to a standstill except us. We merrily danced all around the place.  His poor car was undrivable too and his first accident, a young driver. The Mistress felt sorry for him and gave him a big hug.

The policeman made her count into a gadget, as he said she may have come from a champagne lunch!! 

Oh dear

We are ok and this is all that matters. The insurance has given the Mistress a free rental car, which she picked up today. No stripes on this one. 

2/4/24

Now I can see at the top of this page the date is 24 24. How unusual is this? Interesting I say. It's not every day that numbers play a part in our day. My guess is that this won't happen that often. 

Last night we went outside hunting out this rat business. We got into the peg tin ready to fire shots at these stinky creatures, but none turned up. I suspect they have gone to greener pastures. The Mistress will be mighty happy about this business. 

The humans have been in and out all day. It made me dizzy seeing them coming and going. Of course, I do not know how long they will be.  They did buy rat poison though. His Lordship placed it outside.

I see His Lordship loading up his car tonight with boxes going into storage in Ash Vagas. This means he must be going South. I am to learn that he cannot play golf on Saturday due to championships being played. So, he will be back on Thursday.

Those who are interested, buyers must submit their offers on or before the deadline sale date for the house is 10 /4/24. Jeepers what happens if nobody puts an offer forward. The Mistress doesn't want to think about this for some reason. She heard that a few people were interested and now not so much. This does not please the Mistress at all. 

1/4/24

Luckily the Mistress had her phone off through the night. She had 12 texts from people who wanted one clothes horse and when she rose the phone was still beeping. She had been led on a merry dance this morning when these twits kept texting her and then they sent a picture of the letterbox they arrived at. It was her unit number, not street number. Eventually, they sent a photo of the for-sale sign. She suggested they drive in. What part of drive-in did they not understand. Many minutes later they walked in from the road. Then the bombshell statement. We pay you later in internet banking. No, she says, it must, be cash. So off they went to an ATM.

Oh heck, where are they? Lots more people wanted this, and she is hanging out for just $10. At long last, they turned up with the cash. It appears they had only been in NZ a, few months and limited English. Most of the stuff was sold, leaving a small amount and 67 texts she was done for the day. 

There was a panic here after dinner. The Mistress yelled, "Look a RAT". It was looking at her through the ranch slider window. It ran around the concrete and around the pool that my mates were in. Goodness me I hope it didn't go near my friends. I will investigate when the humans go to sleep tonight. Oh, I wonder what I will do if I see it. I shall have to come up with a plan. 

The Mistress phoned some neighbors to keep their doors and windows shut as these things climb walls. We don't want these dirty smelly things running around here. She is talking about getting some rat bait. His Lordship says that will do the trick. I heard her say, what about cats. Evidently, cats do not touch the bait, and the rats take the bait away to their nests, then eat and slowly die. That is a good thing. It appears His Lordship knows a lot about these horrible creatures as he comes from a farming background. He has just informed us these stinky fellas also live in trees, especially water rats. There are lots of trees over the fence and a good lot of blackboy peaches too. I also know there are apples over another fence too. I guess they will not go hungry. 

These small creatures usually have a lot of mates they hang out with....the Mistress is far from impressed at this knowledge. I bet she comes home with the bait tomorrow, and I shall report back what I find.