20/5/24

Big News Flash 

The Mistress is like a cat walking on hot bricks. The news is fantastic, and I must share it right away. Her hard copy of our first book has arrived. She is so excited, and His Lordship doesn't see what all the excitement is about. I just wish he was happy for her. 

I am proud of her and the daughter who helped bring this together. It has been a long time since we got this underway, and now it is accurate. She is grinning from ear to ear. 

This is a sample. It will soon be available on Amazon, so everyone should watch for it. She will authorize printing once she has screen-proofed it in the next few days.

I shall check this book out tonight while the humans sleep. She tells me all the house sits we did and looking after their pets. Pictures and a brand-new home of a family member (Amy) are all in it. Of course, her son and his flash car picture and his partner's cats and horses are in it, as are photos of her daughter and their cat and granddaughter. 

The next book will be about her new family, and the third book will be about caravan life. I asked her what would happen if people did not buy it. Um, we won't go there.

Now she has me so excited that I can hardly work this computer. I type all sorts of things, then forget to push the space bar, and all the words run together. This holds me up as I am now bursting with excitement. It is not every day a mere Gnome writes a book.

I just remembered more news: We have over 24,000 hits on our blog. I can see the Mistress celebrating tonight with some bubbly. I hope I get to have some too. 

Celebrating together

Arh, she poured me a glass, too. Please note mine is a small one. She knows what I would be like if I had had too many! How many will she have? His Lordship is on cooking duty. 

Rather lovely, too. Cheers!

Duh....this thing drives me nuts. Why does it change the size of the print? I cannot get this to change at all.

I do see the Mistress enjoying her glass of bubbly. I think she is on her second, having had her dinner, and the glass almost needs filling again. 

A neighbor came over to share the news and is proud of the Mistress. She had a few words with His Lordship about his lack of words. He is wondering why she has gone quiet. If I were him, I would speak up pretty soon, or he could be in the doghouse for a long while. 

 19/5/24

This morning, the Mistress limped around here and was generally very uncomfortable. Getting the house ready for an open home took a lot of work for her, and His Lordship assisted. She has him trained well, and she erupted when he went to wash his hands in a spotless and sparkly sink. Then he went to another sink, and a full eruption occurred. He was unimpressed. Poor man, I really felt sorry for him.

The house was ready, and they headed out and were away for ages. I thought they had forgotten where we lived and wondered if they had gotten that substantial posh caravan. It appears they went to the caravan show. They looked pleased when they wandered in, and The Mistress headed to her chair. 

Upon my Eves dropping, I heard they bought a fancy bed that does more than the current one and will fit into the caravan. The pain she suffers may just help her and anything for peace. I hear her saying His Lordship made her buy one. Let me tell you, he did not. A lovely salesperson, Sarah, told them all about this item. They enjoyed the gentle massage it gave them and reckon it is quieter. The saleslady did her magic, and The Mistress made a deposit. His Lordship has been talking about putting the massager on before she gets out of bed and see if it helps her. Good idea. It will be delivered once the caravan is purchased and the house is sold. 

But when I say, and I am so tired of waiting., the Mistress says that word again. "Patience" 

A fancy new bed

I had quite a good chat with the Agent again today, and he, too, is wondering where all the customers are. It appears that he only had one in his other open homes. It must be too cold. There is snow around some parts of the country. It will be the oldies who are buying this place, and they do not like the cold at all.

As for my friends outside, they want to come in, and I will not let them. Imagine the eruption that would happen if they got caught. We do not require any more outbursts from her. As for His Lordship, he is very placid, which sometimes ruffles her feathers. You should have heard him doing the dishes when the Mistress found the dishes were not washed properly. I better be quiet here, as I could get into intense trouble again.

workds

 17/5/24

I am so excited and feel that I am going to burst. Our snazzy car is home. I missed seeing it, and the mistress took me out to view the work done on it. It looks brand new. She says the fellas loved working on it and would miss it. It is one of the best they have worked on.

We have our car back. Yippy. 

Can you see me? The roof is so shiny I could skate on here, but something tells me I better not. She wouldn't know, would she?

I better not, especially If I ever want to ride in it again.

The Mistress is happy she didn't have to pay the bill because the insurance company picked up the tab. The panel beating place even cleaned the inside of her car, which she is delighted about, too. Even her phone worked, which she was worried about. The lovely young chap was there to assist with the technology if she needed it.

The steering wheel is a bit high, and His Lordship has a few jobs to do tomorrow. He will be busy, and there will be another open house on Sunday. 

So, last night, we gave this meditation stuff another go. There was a problem, though. The Mistress couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned for several hours, and we were worried she would come out and see us. We had been in enough trouble this week and couldn't take another ear bashing. My mates agreed, too, so we quietly waited and waited. 

When she went out to pick up the car, we ran around in the garage, but we only stayed for a short time due to the temperature. Despite the sunshine outside, it was freezing. So, we honed around the inside because the heat pump was on, and the carpet was on the floor.

Great fun was had by all, and we look forward to tomorrow. The Mistress told His Lordship on the phone that she was going out and may not be here when he arrived. It sounds like they are having problems fixing his truck, as it is still in the garage.

Arh, these humans are missing each other. I had to be subjected to this lovey-dovey stuff again on the phone. Only one more sleep, I say. Is this why she couldn't sleep? Better not go there.

16/5/24

 It is awfully quiet here; his Lordship has gone home for golf. The Mistress potters around, has a sit down then goes out to who knows where. We are left to our own devices. Moonshine heads straight to the Mistress's bed for more high jinks. He enjoyed jumping around the other day and decided we would do this again today. As soon as the garage door went down, he was off as quick as a flash.  All the pillows went flying, and the bedspread was in all directions. 

Moonshine was cracking jokes as usual, and the rest of us nearly fell to the floor laughing. That bed is relatively high up and was hard to climb up in the first place. Pulling the drawers out and climbing to the next was a better option. The golfing dude hit his ball to the window, and we waited for the crash. Nope, he is safe for another day.

We saw people taking their rubbish bins in. They made a noise along the concrete, and we hoped they didn't see us jumping around. They would be sure to tell the Mistress.

We were in trouble because we did not hear the garage door open, and the Mistress waltzed in. She looked across the room and saw us in all sorts of positions. Her face told us we were in deep trouble. We had seen this face before, and she was far from impressed. 

It's not good to have an unhappy Mistress. We shall devise a plan to win her over again. It might take a while to come up with something. Trixie reminded me that females generally like chocolate and wine!! They especially like flowers, too, but there are none in the garden to pick. Moonshine reckons we could raid the neighbors' gardens. Mr. Golfer said, "You fools, it is wintertime, and none are around." The only things around are the leaves, making a huge mess.  

Some exciting news has happened today. While out to lunch today, the Mistress's phone rang, and she told her friend it was about her car. Sure enough, it will be ready to pick up tomorrow. Now I want to know how she knew it was about the car. The fella asked if she was psychic. I wonder what that word means. I shall have to ask her sometime.

That has been just over 6 weeks. She is chuffed as the rental is driving her nuts. She reckons the vehicle tries to steer her and gets annoyed with it. Its pick-up at the lights always frustrates her. The Swift has a turbo and a beauty. I know she sometimes drags off other cars, and one day, Mr. Policeman may just catch her.  Don't tell her that I told you, as I may never get to ride in it again. Speaking of which, I haven't had a ride in the rental yet. It sounds like I may never get a ride in it, either. I also hear that the car they need to tow this whopper caravan has a turbo and has more grunt than the Swift. This could be a problem, too, as she has a heavy foot. Believe me, she sure knows how to put that foot down.

14/5/24

It has been a busy morning at this house. The agent came to talk; the news was as the Mistress thought. The housing market, in a state of deep depression, is posing a significant challenge, and we are to sit it out. Luckily, the Mistress understands the gravity of the situation and is prepared to work with whatever is required. 

Patience is required.

His Lordship had to suddenly leave, and then they had to go to goodness only knows where. We wondered for how long and, as usual, who would know. 

We jumped around on the human's bed. It was amazing how high we could jump. The pillows were spongy, too, and we had a great bounce around. Crickey, don't tell the Mistress, though. We could be in serious trouble. We made sure to fix the bedspread as it was all crumpled and all over the place. The pillows ended up on the floor, so they returned to bed before we left the room. 

We kept checking out the windows to see if the neighbors were watching. For some strange reason, they don't usually miss anything happening here. We were not all that noisy, but we did enjoy ourselves. We must do this again sometime, as it was so much fun. 

Oh, they got home and noticed we still needed to put the fancy pillow on the bed. This meant, "How did this get on the floor?" She was far from amused or impressed. "Sorry, Mistress". 

She did something strange with dinner tonight. His Lordship put whole potatoes in the microwave this morning, and it helped her for tonight. These potatoes were huge, and tonight, she dug out the center and made stuffed potatoes. It was rather interesting watching His Lordship mash up all sorts of things. Then she re-stuffed the potatoes and topped them with cheese, but His Lordship says only a little cheese for him. 

They enjoy dinner with a salad, a glass of bubbly, and some yummy comments. 

13/5/24

The Mistress went out last night, leaving His Lordship and me at home alone. Like me, he enjoys having the house to himself and does not have to negotiate the TV remote. 

Now I want to know why no one came yesterday despite the agent saying he had a group from another agent. Is he telling porkies? All will be revealed when he visits us tomorrow. These humans are itching to sell this place and move on to the next chapter. 

We carried on with this meditation fiasco. Trixie and I did much better than previously, but we still have a way to go. The Mistress says it takes practice and patience. Arh, that word again. Moonshine went to sleep. He snored and snored and was not quiet about it at all. I know someone else who snores, and the Mistress digs His Lordship in the ribcage, especially if he is on his back. He usually grumbles a bit and always denies snoring.

The Mistress struggled again today while walking around the place. The Wheat bag was heated, and she remained in her chair with room service doing exactly what she wanted. Breakfast went down well, as usual. 

A discussion occurred about the fact that she had already packed her winter clothes and needed them. His Lordship assisted with the large containers, and she was happy to see some warmer clothes. A friend popped over from within the village to get assistance with her phone. There was no point in getting stressed when the Mistress could help her. They are going to miss each other when we get out of here. They will have many chats on their phones.

Another friend the Mistress has known for many years popped in this afternoon for a catch-up. She even spoke to me, which was extremely good of her. The Mistress said they met in 1990. Jeepers, that was a long time ago. I ran out of fingers to count on. Some of my mates are that old too, and others are younger. 

A birdie told me she saw a Gnome to buy yesterday, picked it up, looked at it, and then put it down again. I wonder if someone had a word in her ear. It was a wise decision, I would say.

There has been some talk about packing up some Gnomes. I don't know about this, as we need to keep an eye on them. On a nice sunny day, if the coast is clear, we head out for a catch-up and a few games. I might have to step in and say a big NO. 

11/5/24

The Mistress was cooking up a storm this morning. She purchased a 10k bag of potatoes yesterday and has a potato chowder recipe in her head, so she processed a crockpot full. She seemed to know His Lordship would enjoy this tonight. At least it doesn't smell like that pickle stuff she makes. 

The Mistress is getting ready for tomorrow's open home. She cleaned the inside windows and thought the outside needed doing, too, when His Lordship arrived. The sun was out; she swept up many leaves from this week's storm out the front and her neighbors, too. His Lordship arrived in a borrowed car. His 4WD died while driving. It just stopped, he said. It appears it has done this before. So now it's at the garage being fixed. The joys of motoring, she says.

Speaking of which, her car is still being repaired after our crash. It has been away for weeks and weeks. So why the delay? She asks. They told her all the parts were available in NZ, so there was no problem. 

I was in a great position to see the outside windows being washed. His Lordship was a great help, and they are all sparkling again. It appears the agent has some people coming tomorrow. Well, it's about time, I say. We want to get this caravan and get on the road. Hopefully, I will check these people out and tell them this is a great place to live. It will be seven years since we arrived in August. 

Now, overnight, we tried this meditation stuff. Oh, my goodness, whose idea is this? Crazy, if you ask me. First, we had to shut up. Trixie says nobody should talk while we close our eyes and breathe deeply; if your mind is open and outside influences are closed off, you may see something. Moonshine went to sleep and started snoring. I had several goes until I was happy. It was very relaxing, I felt. Must try this again. The Mistress says it is good for me. I shall reserve my judgment at the moment.    

I have watched her meditate, but sometimes, she goes to sleep. It's no wonder she cannot sleep at night when this happens. As for His Lordship, he just sleeps in his chair and bypasses the meditation. Probably has no intention of doing it. 

 10/5/24

Brrr, it was very chilly this morning. That Mistress is very wise sometimes. Last night, a memo came to her phone warning of possible power cuts from 7 to 9 a.m. today. She felt this was an excellent excuse to stay in bed, where it was very cozy and warm. So, this would have saved some electricity for those who needed it early. She felt that being retired and having nothing to get up for was pretty good.

She went out this afternoon, so we decided to just get on the floor and catch up. As usual, Moonshine shared a few jokes and had us all laughing and rolling around the floor. We were cozy inside and were not going to head outside for anyone. Looking out the ranch slider, we saw our mates begging to come in. Oh no, not today, we all said. They were unhappy with us, and pulling the curtain closed was required so they could not see in. 

Trixie felt this was quite mean of us. "Nope, I said". She saw that I was wearing pants around here and made the decision. The Mistress is teaching me to be assertive. She is frequently assertive around here, so if it is good enough for her, it is good enough for me.

Last night, we went to the garage for some ping-pong ball games but turned around very quickly. Jeepers, it was freezing out there. There was no place for a Gnome who was used to the luxury of warmth on my shelf. We all agreed very quickly and headed back in haste.

We made yet another attempt to rouse that perpetual sleeper. We thought tickling his toes would do the trick, but he is not ticklish. Hmm, what shall we do? Moonshine suggested we use the ping-pong balls for target practice on him.  Great idea, so we all took turns as we couldn't wake the Mistress. Mr. Grumpy woke all right, and then we regretted annoying him. He was eager to return to his state of noncompliance. Trixie wondered if he meditates, as some do, you know. 

Always asleep

Another man is constantly meditating, sitting cross-legged at the window. His nature is serene and calm, and he speaks like he is from another planet, so we should all try this. The Mistress does this meditating sometimes. We watch her drift off regularly. She is always in a state of deep relaxation afterward and says it is good for you. 

Ok, then we shall try this tonight. 

Meditating

 8/5/24

Do you know my memory is becoming like these humans I live with? Indeed, it must be something we are all breathing in because we live under one roof. I forgot to mention yesterday about a very happy romantic gesture that came from His Lordship. He arrived with a bunch of lovely flowers and delighted The Mistress with a huge kiss. Nope, he hadn't done anything wrong either. It was just a gesture of love. I just about had to leave the room, as it was too much for me. 

 

It's called love!

           It is so good to see these two love birds so happy. They seem to         giggle all day at times. This computer contraption has a mind of its own today. It won't do what I want, causing me so much frustration. I am almost ready to throw out the door and gate to the bin. The Mistress won't help me either. Some humans are so mean, I say.

Oh, heck, that Mistress took me off here because I was cursing this contraption. After all, it was going haywire. She could not fix it either and told me to work it out. But I am a Gnome, and we don't know this stuff. Her thoughts were that, due to being old, her brain was full. What utter rubbish, I say. What is wrong with being positive? Being negative won't help the situation. She has been teaching me this for years, and now, for some reason, she is not practicing what she preaches. Humans are a complicated species. I doubt I will ever truly understand them. As I am here to learn from them, I shall just quietly sit and rock away quietly in my chair. 

Last night, a storm hit Jeepers, and the mistress went out—crazy if you ask me. She said it would be an exciting night and felt like staying at home, but she knew she would enjoy it. So, we hunkered down, listening to the wind and rain.

 

            

 

 7/5/24

These humans took off this morning, and when the Mistress could stand up properly, she got around here with a wobble, and slowly, I might add. She announces that the wheat bag brought colossal relief and pleased His Lordship. He lovingly gets her breakfast and pills and generally runs after her. She enjoys the fuss, and he never complains unless he is having her on.  

So, while we had the place to ourselves, we ran outside and played in the leaves. It was so much fun. Moonshine hadn't done this before and was hooked when he saw what we were doing. Of course, the jokes flew out of his mouth and cracked everyone up. Luckily, we came in before the humans arrived home. Payday is always a shopping day here. His Lordship carries the shopping while the love of his life puts it all away, saving the stress on her back.

The Mistress had some sewing to do on a jacket. The sleeves were too long and needed attention. Sitting in the sun appealed in her chair. Being partly black, it was easier to see in the sun.  His Lordship jumped on board and suggested she might like to take up the hems of his jeans. Such a good idea, she thought while it was sunny. After jabbing herself with pins several times, she got the sewing machine out. 

I preferred to stay out of the way because she was very frustrated with this machine's failure to do what it was told. Cool air appeared briefly, so keeping my lips sealed was best. Trixie agreed, and we kept our lips sealed and watched over her shoulder. 

Job done. She is pleased with her efforts, and His Lordship is happy. She aims to please her man, especially as he does so much for her, especially in the mornings. 

I see those birds outside are still eating that chunk of bread. They seem to toss it all over the place and find the crust a mission to attack. That's probably why the birds are eating it.

Chicken and vegetable soup were on the menu tonight, and the humans enjoyed it. I can't see the birds getting this anytime soon. I have noted that this man is easy to please, especially if no pizza is on the menu.

By the looks of things, he is getting sorted to return to Ashburton tomorrow. It is golf day. I wonder what the Mistress has planned. I will have to wait to find out. 

 6/5/24

The Mistress has been scammed, and she is not at all impressed. A pretty tidy sum, she says, and too much for a pensioner to lose. She trotted off to the bank, and now it's in the hands of the fraud department. Fraud now is a new word for me to ponder. This is the first I have heard of this, and the Mistress says it is common now with technology. So, isn't technology meant to sort this so that fraud doesn't happen? Easier said than done, she announces. Oh, heck, this is hard for my poor head to understand. The Mistress says to let her worry about it and for me to focus on good vibes to get the house sold.

On a different note, I overheard a cryptic conversation today on the phone... I'm sworn to secrecy. The Mistress assures me that we'll have more information next week. For now, I've been instructed to keep mum about this topic. 

Before the phone call, the Mistress embarked on a massive project, sorting through numerous drawers and downsizing her belongings. It was a Herculean task, with His Lordship pointing out that the weight of her possessions was a significant concern for the caravan. She certainly has a substantial wardrobe, that's for sure. 

She also needed to find her sewing kit for the caravan as she had some sewing on cuffs and a jacket. This meant taking the wardrobe doors off. She had packed boxes out of the road. After some heavy grunting, she found what she was looking for. What a relief, I say. That grunting sounded painful. I hope she doesn't do this too often.

5/5/24

The Mistress was in a lot of pain today and moving very slowly. Her back is the problem, and she had to have extra sit-downs. Meds need to do the job, she says, but I saw her heating her wheat bag, which she only uses when it is awful. It is rather funny to see her doubled over while walking. Crickey, don't tell her this. I might have to start running.

Eventually, she sorted the house with His Lordship's help for the open home. As usual, all was looking great until the duster passed my nose. Why dust? It will all be back tomorrow!

Today, the fella was quite chirpy, introduced himself, and asked me where all the buyers were. Hey mate, that is your job. He was a nice chap, and we had quite a discussion about this buyer business. I politely said that we wanted to get on the road. He informed me that when people downsize, they do not realize how small these places are. 

I can hear the Mistress say, "Be patient."

After he left, we took off outside as we heard the birds enjoy some chunky bread these humans threw out. They dug right inside and made a cave. Clever little clogs they are. BUT The Mistress is not at all happy. She went out the front door to find a good chunk of garden on the path and lawn. All the plants she put in yesterday were all over the place. After sorting the garden, she shook pepper all around to make them sneeze. 

I have never seen a bird sneeze, so I must sit and wait for this one. This mission could get interesting. Why pepper? I asked her. It is a common deterrent.

Anyway, we honed around outside, and it was a nice day, so we caught up with our mates. That Policeman outside the gate wouldn't let us past. Who does he think he is? We wanted to go over to the common area. There is so much room to run around and climb the trees. There is even a garden there, and we could have hidden from each other, but that was not to be. He is so mean. I wonder if the Mistress pays him not to let us pass. 

I heard the Mistress talking to a lady we house-sat for in Paeroa. Gosh, that is a long way to go. Her cute, big, fluffy white cat, Milly, is no longer with them. I remember the Mistress giving her medicine every day, too. She and I had many chats on the floor, and the Mistress loved her. Just down their road, a lady gave the Mistress three Gnomes she didn't want, and they were part of a set she already had. The actual neighbors over the fence were great people, too. That lady took the Mistress to play croquet. 

I wonder what they decide regarding this place.

 3/5/24

The Mistress went out to the garden for a tidy-up before the next open home on Sunday. It was very messy and some of my mates you couldn't see. They got a talking-to simultaneously and were informed they had to keep it tidy. She even transferred plants around to fill a space. She looks proud now. We have to have a happy Mistress! 

His Lordship phoned, which also made for a very happy Mistress. They crack each other up a lot. They constantly fire potshots at each other with a lot of hilarity. They do miss each other, and I must listen to this talk. Well, then sell the house, and they will be permanently together.

Today and some other days, I catch the Mistress using her foot to push my friend the door stop into position. This is different from how gnomes like to be treated. Placing him with her hands would be far more pleasant for that old fella. He is getting fed up with the digs in his side to move. One day, he may lash out, which might not be funny for her. 

I hope he comes with us in the caravan. He is helpful and likes looking outside at the birds eating the bread they chuck out. 

I have just noticed she has had a haircut. She told me this was done on Wednesday, and I am too late to comment. Women prefer comments on the day, and I overlooked this matter!! Oh dear, it is tough to live being a mere Gnome.

Last night, we went to the freezing garage with the ping-pong balls and had a great bounce around. They make quite a noise on the concrete, so we had to watch out for the lady of the house. We saw her go to the bathroom and thought she was coming out to us. Phew, she changed her mind. 

Arh, the love birds have just been on the phone. One more sleep, she says. Great news: He is not going to kill those poor ducks. He has nobody to go with, so she is delighted about this. It's not suitable to shoot on your own. 

2/5/24

The sun was shining, and His Lordship went south. You see, he is hoping to do some duck shooting as it is always the beginning of May. Why, oh, why would a human want to shoot ducks anyway. I cannot see the logic in this at all. Some of his mates are unavailable, and the Mistress hopes he doesn't shoot alone. I had quite a chat with the Mistress about this business. She says it's a predominantly male thing and the thrill of being a good shot. I ask What he is going to do with this dead duck. 

OMG, I was not ready for her reply. Eat them. Do you mean to tell me he will shoot more than one? She announces that it depends on how good a shot he is. Let's hope he fails and lets the poor duck live. Fancy that. What else does this man do? He goes fishing, but since they have been together, he is too occupied to go. This is the goal when that agent sells this place. Well, I want to see this business. What does he do with the fish...eat them, she says. What, poor fish. Humans are a weird bunch. 

The Mistress sat me down and explained that the male human already has the hunting ability in them (they are born with it) to provide for his family. They also want to keep them warm, and the male gathers the wood for those with fires to heat their homes. If they are fortunate, females can help. 

I have heard him talk about cutting down trees and sawing them up small to burn. He sometimes helps people, and recently, his brother, as he has a hole in his arm. That sounds yucky, but he showed the Mistress, and I don't think she was impressed.

So, his Lordship has plenty of skills for doing all sorts of things, including towing a huge posh caravan and a massive car for towing this thing. Then he has to teach the Mistress. He has a very huge task teaching her. I hope he is patient because she is a challenge. Her friends seem to think females can do anything and are happy to learn most of the time! These friends tow their caravans to give their fellas a break. Also, if he pops his clogs, then she will know what to do. 

Living with this species is such an exciting life. I have learned so much, and The Mistress says we keep learning until the day we die.