19/7/24
His Lordship is back, and all is well. Lots of banter goes on continuously. They have been in and out often, and goodness only knows why and where. I was told it is none of a Gnome's business to understand what humans do when they go out. The Mistress says we already know too much and need to mind our business more often. Well, this is us told.
Today, things are happening in the garage. She tells me we won't recognize it. The last stack of boxes is at the door for his next trip down south. Maybe she will get the car in the garage!!
All we need now is a buyer. So, how do we find one in this challenging housing market? Patience is required.
20/7/24
You guessed it, I was kicked off here again. It is clear that I don't pay the bills, so I can't have a say.
There was action here this morning, as there was an open home, and the humans got the house ready. But today isn't Sunday, I asked. Nope, it's a change of day. I only had a small chat with the agent as some people came and just stayed. A lot of chatter was going on with the family, so now we wait.
It was a pity the sun wasn't shining, as nothing looked great on a dull day. But never mind—eventually, someone will like it. It only takes one person to say yes, the Mistress announces.
The humans took off and then out again, and I thought they would never return as they had been gone for ages. However, after the agent left, it was an excellent opportunity for us to have hijinks and jump all over the bed. Moonshine jumped over to the window ledge, too. The rest of us followed and looked to see what was happening in the village. There was plenty of room, too, as the giant Gnomes there got packed. Only the odd car went by, and I guess it was too cold for the oldies to head outside.
Jumping back to the bed was fun, and springing to the pillows was hilarious. They were so soft and great for jumping on and crashing into each other. The cushion was a bit hard to land on, so we did this infrequently, as the pillows were perfect. The golfer hopped over to the duchess and admired himself in the mirror like His Lordship does. The Mistress prefers the wardrobe door mirror to ensure all her bits and pieces are in the right places.
She had another toss-out yesterday. The floor was covered in maps and junk, so the red bin saw some extra trash. Of course, the maps were retained for future use.
I have been advised that we are going away next week, and I am joining these humans. The Auntie is 90, and they say it is time to celebrate. We are even staying in his Caravan. Cool, I can't wait. Now she just has to remember to take me!
17/7/24
What a night of Hi-Jinks we got up to. We had to wait so long for this Mistress to turn off the light and go to sleep. When she cannot sleep, she reads and reads some more. It must have been a juicy book to hold her attention. Yeah, then the light went out, and we all jumped down and got into the many oranges that were in a bag on the floor. Jeepers they were huge, and we could only kick or roll them. We are strong for our size, but there is a limit. The goal was to hit the front door, and some of us almost fell over with the strength of our kicks. Too bad about some of the oranges. Some made a splatter, oh messy, too.
With these oranges splattered, we played a game of splattering each other. It was so much fun, but the mess was too much to clean up. How do we clean this up? This is a human job, but then she will know it was us.
Getting into the bottom drawer was a bonus because we could reach the paper towels and destroy the evidence in the rubbish bin. This was a great idea, but the stickiness remained. What to do now? We had a significant problem on our hands. Heading into the garage to see what we could find made us shiver in our very brittle bones. It was freezing cold out there.
We found many bottles, and goodness only knows what they were for. The floor mop—hey, we see His Lordship work this thing just before there is an open home. He really likes to help his darling, and he is becoming very domesticated. He enjoys it by the look on his face and pity help her if she messes the floor again. He is far from impressed.
So how is a mere Gnome meant to work this thing? We watch His Lordship, and he makes it look so easy. It took nine of us to make it do the job. Such a mission, and it took so long, for goodness's sake. We just have to hope she doesn't see anything suspicious.
This relationship is fantastic, and they continue to be in awe of how they found each other. There was a very mushy conversation on the phone tonight, reminiscing about how they found each other. On the computer, she says. How can humans meet this way? I cannot imagine how this could be possible. The Mistress tells me I should look up in her book "Computers for Dummies."
I know she has yet to open this book that her daughter recommended. It was put in the too-hard basket. She has a massive phobia of understanding this Technology. So how is a mere Gnome meant to understand this thing?
15/7/24
It's a bit quieter here today. I have missed this young chap. He is quite a character. His room was empty of his bedding and good enough for us to explore the stuff The Mistress had sorted for the caravan. It has been a while since I had a sneak peek at everything humans require. Cor blimey, even the wardrobe is full. She assures me that everything will be used.
16/7/24
Quick as a flash, I was shoved off here yesterday. How rude is this? I tried to persuade her I was busy, but there was no chance. Do you see what I have to put up with living here? It is a tough life being a Gnome.
Another complaint is that I was still at the window until this morning. They just forgot me. I was put there on Sunday while these humans played croquet on our lawn. They just forgot me. I sat at the window two nights in the freezing cold. There were no mates out there, either. They are all now packed in boxes. I saw a few bugs and birds during daybreak, two dull nights.
His Lordship left today after helping with the shopping. He loaded a heap of boxes into his vehicle and took them to the family to store. He also dropped some empty plant pots to a lady who wanted them. The Mistress was delighted to see the back of them and less to store. The young lady was delighted with her purchases. It looks bare outside now, and the mistress says there is no color. She spots Camelia's budding and getting ready for spring. She loves spring, but it cannot come quickly enough for her. I think she is getting fed up with winter somehow. The little plants she recently put in look fabulous; the buds are opening and displaying colors.
There have been mushy phone calls tonight. OMG, to listen to them hurts my ears. How long does this kind of stuff go on for? Surely not forever. Maybe when they eventually permanently live together, that nonsense will stop. Oh, I do hope it is soon.
14/7/24
It is just as well that this young grandson had to bring his blow-up bed to sleep on. It made a strange noise while blowing it up. I checked on him throughout the night and ensured it did not deflate. He had a little snore occasionally, and I nearly wiggled his toes to make him quiet. But I really didn't want to give him a fright. He looked so cute sleeping, and I wondered what he dreamt about.
When I returned from watching Levi, the wheelbarrow fella tipped all the balls out and ran chasing them. The balls were going in all directions. I did say they had to be quiet and not wake the humans up. Levi was wriggling in his bed and panic stations because I didn't want to wake him.
Morning arrived, and it was time to get cracking and get the house ready for the open home. I had an excellent talk with this agent about getting his butt into gear and selling this house. He politely informed me he was trying very hard and would do his best for us, and then some people arrived. They had a good look around and wanted to think about it. I hope they do not leave this decision too long.
The humans took off to play croquet. They took the child's size mallet they bought to make things easier for him. I hear His Lordship won the first game, and Levi and his Nana won the second.
After lunch, Grandad set up the child-size croquet pitch on our lawn, and they all took turns playing with Levi. This young fella is keen to win all these games and has a good shot at getting the goals through the hoop. I watched him from the window as I wasn't in the mood for him to miss his shot and bowl me over. The comfort from the heat pump at the window was a far better option.
Levi's parents arrived to take him home, and the Mistress gave him a big chunk of banana cake from the freezer. He looked mighty pleased about this.
13/7/24
Today, the Grandson arrived to assist the Mistress with packing my Gnome friends. Corr, blimey, this was quite a significant job, and they had a great production line going on, which I supervised. This small bloke was a dab-hand at putting paper around my friends and passing it to The Mistress, who placed them into banana boxes.
I heard the odd moan from my friends about being so restricted in their box that they couldn't possibly move or escape. I can tell you, they are not amused or impressed at all. I kept losing count of how many boxes they filled, then stacked them in the corner of the garage, ready to go south next week. The final count, checked by Levi, was 18 boxes. The Mistress was delighted that this task didn't take long to complete.
I also saw my friends packing from the bathroom, window ledges, and floor. She says they cannot fit in the caravan and mainly take the small ones. Gosh, I need some to play with. I am assured there will be plenty. Can I believe her, though? She can be pretty mean at times, too.
This young fella is very partial to the Mistress's banana cake iced with chocolate icing. I have lost count of how many pieces he has, but who is counting? His grandad, well, he is quite partial to it, too. You need to see the size of the pieces he cut for himself. The Mistress announces, just as well, that there is more in the freezer.
I also need to report that His Lordship was jovial when he arrived this afternoon. He brought his darling a cup of tea and then plonked himself on her knee. I nearly dropped my book when I saw this strange event happen. The poor Grandson didn't know where to look or what to say. He was speechless.
There is an awful smell brewing in the oven, and I am not enjoying it. I hear it is a leg of lamb. All I can say is poo.
This grandson has just been informed that at 4 p.m., he has to come off his device and run outside five times to the letterbox and back and then five around the back. How stupid is this, I say. She says kids forget how to play outside, and she knows his parents try to get him to do other things, too. The run will do him good and use up energy.
I noticed she also got him to bring the cake mixer from the garage cupboard with help from Grandad. He managed independently without assistance but required his help to find it. I hear he will assist his Nana in making a special pudding. So, I will report later.
12/7/24
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His Lordship went south this morning, leaving his darling to fend for herself. She does it hard when he leaves because he always runs after her. She must be worth it. Gee, I might have to start running!
11/7/24
The human's routine is quite predictable each morning, with the only variation being their choice of toast topping. As for His Lordship, well, let's not even go there. The Mistress, on the other hand, has a penchant for marmalade, banana, or raspberry jam. Observing their body language as they wake up is a delightful spectacle. And I can't help but chuckle at the thought of other people's habits as well.
I can see that I will have to escape and observe the neighbors' behavior and body language in the mornings. Knowing me, I will probably get caught out, which could land me in heaps of trouble.
There is always enough going on here in my own backyard, and too much information to gather would make my tasks very difficult. There is always something to report on these humans, and I must pace myself like the Mistress does daily.
She had been out in the garage again with my mates and came inside growling. Some of the Gnomes she had wrapped had become undone with newspaper, and she wondered why, as they were not left the way she had found them. My lips are sealed.
Eventually, she gave up and had to sit down for a big rest and a wheat bag for her poor back. She was even brought a cup of tea for her efforts.
A neighbor popped in for a chat and a laugh. She thinks our book is fantastic and enjoyed reading it. She especially liked the part where the red and blue lights roared up behind us, and the lovely policeman asked the Mistress what speed she should be doing? She said she didn't know as she hadn't driven on those roads before. What an answer. He enjoyed the comment and wrote out a ticket. I recall that it cost more than a couple of bottles of wine. Jeepers!
When we arrived home, another ticket was waiting for her. Gosh, she could start a collection, I reckon. But despite these setbacks, the Mistress remains undeterred. She knows we have to travel slower whenever we get the caravan, and she's ready to take on this challenge with determination!
Another thing she is organizing for tomorrow night is a village social. People are phoning or texting a booking and ready for the Club shuttle to pick them up. The shuttle will be full of people, which may surprise the driver. His Lordship is returning to Ashburton tomorrow for some peace, he says. The Mistress says he is a bit cheeky.
10/7/24
Overnight, we had a lot of fun and games in the garage. We unwrapped some Gnomes. Core, don't tell the Mistress. She would be ropeable. They were screaming to get out. There are 3 boxes on the floor with heavy concrete gnomes in each Corner; the grandson can fill the spaces. I can see that there will be a production line on Saturday. The Mistress is great at organizing things. One large Gnome is still waiting to jump into a giant box. She suggested a coffin might be big enough. Oh, no, this is not at all amusing.
I hope this lad knows what he is getting into when packing these friends of mine. I hear he is getting paid for his services and has money to spend over the holidays. Kids like spending money. He is a very sensible young kid, and she knows he will spend it wisely.
His Lordship didn't go to golf today. He went out with The Mistress to an early appointment. He is such a kind and caring man, and he had to ensure he got her up at 6 a.m. She protested that it was the middle of the night. He wasn't amused. They were out the door before 7 a.m. She doesn't function well in the mornings, so it was "easy does it."
"A friend was curious yesterday about whether I am delighted or bewildered by this human custom."
Being a mere Gnome, I am continually bewildered by the happenings around me. I have a passion for figuring out what makes these humans tick. Are they the same as other humans? I am still working on this; it may take a lifetime to completely understand their psychology.
They still have stars in their eyes for each other, which is so different from everyday day-to-day events. This getting mushy stuff really does bewilder me. Gnomes definitely do not carry on like this. We just shut our eyes or read a book during that process, as we do not like to see this stuff going on. It hurts our eyes!
I have so many books on this human psychology subject, and it is so complicated. I have to stay on each page for a very long time and then look up a dictionary to find the meaning of these complicated words. Being a very determined young fellow, I shall eventually master this.
Another project for me is to really get to know other humans. I guess when we go traveling, we will meet plenty to chat with. Oh, I do wonder if this ever happens. I do know that my humans are now wondering, too.
These two seem to like the YouTube channel. They watch cats, dogs, and birds interact with each other and humans who play pranks on them. These animals have very bewildered faces when things don't go to plan. The animals even bewilder each other too. The Mistress enjoys a real hard belly laugh and reckons this is great exercise for her stomach muscles. His Lordship gets a giggle too and only an occasional outburst of laughter.
9/7/24
There has been a hive of activity going on here today. These humans have been very busy bees. A discussion took place to help this poor grandson out this weekend of packing 400 Gnomes. Trying to find boxes that were large enough took a lot of work. They now have a head start for Saturday, and my job today and Saturday is to keep an eye on this packing business. These Gnome friends of mine are all extraordinary fellows and will be in storage for quite some time. They hope to continue with what the humans are doing to the planet. Some of them will be spies and sneak out from time to time. They will be bored out of their tree and need to keep occupied. Their unique and private way of informing the others about what is happening is truly fascinating. Some humans are rapidly polluting the atmosphere, which must be corrected immediately.
The paper these fellows were wrapped in, past my test, is very combustible. I observed what exactly she used and passed my test.
8/7/24
Things freeze again when they barely thaw out. The joy of Winter announces the Mistress. Spring will be here before we know it, and things will bloom and not be as cold. These humans had the clothesline full this morning and were hoping to get it dry. I watched the sun and wasn't out there for long. His Lordship assists in both hanging it out and bringing it in for the Mistress. She processes it all, and it sounds like she has the dryer going to finish it.
Let me share an amusing story about the dryer. The other day, the Mistress informed me that it is 47 years old—the same age as her son. Jeepers, that's quite a number! I don't think her son will be thrilled to know he's being compared to a dryer. But it's a testament to the quality of the machine that it's still going strong after all these years.
They disappeared this afternoon, and I reckon they delivered some books to her late mother's friends. Her mother will look down on what is happening here and will not be missing anything.
We had a catch-up out in the garage with the fellas that were outside. They are packing a few of the large Gnomes this morning. Crickey almost took up the whole box. Indeed, they won't need 400 boxes, will they?
I hear she has been getting on to His Lordship about cleaning his vehicle. She doesn't like dirty vehicles up her drive. She also doesn't like the birds digging in her garden. She has also stopped her darling from throwing bread out for the birds. They will have to look elsewhere. Poor birds, I say. My mates who used to live in the garden watched these little monkeys dig away and scatter the dirt everywhere. They don't care what doesn't grow as long as they have full tummies.
7/7/24
I have tried to get on here many times, but the answer is always NO. It's a tough life being a Gnome living with these humans. These two worked as a team and prepared the house for an open home.
I really wonder why they bother. Nobody turned up. I chatted with the agent and advised him that the humans and I were getting impatient. He knows this and is looking at what else he can do.
The humans went to the garden shop and returned with some plants to fill a section of the garden. I can't help but think about those birds that always seem to be causing trouble. They could easily uproot these 40 plants and create a mess. The Mistress would be furious. But really, what's the point? I believe his Lordship might share my sentiments.
The Mistress is obsessed with color—or the lack of it. She is not at all impressed with such bare areas. The agent called in to pick up the sign he left behind and chatted about the state of the day. I couldn't hear them because they were outside, and the door was shut. I wonder if she did this on purpose or maybe kept the heat inside.
I can report that her back was very sore after planting. She had to sit down and recover. His Lordship went out and checked on her while she was out there, ensuring she wasn't doing too much. I have noticed that he does this frequently, and she is not accustomed to this type of caring. It must be love!! This is why she agreed to marry him.
I overheard him talking about playing croquet yesterday with The Mistress. It appears he is moaning about his golf, as he is not doing well at all. He shows her his golf score again, and he admits it is shocking, but she rarely comments. He did well and played with very experienced players.
5/7/24
Oh boy, I have some news for you all. That Mistress has done it again. She took me in the car to see his Lordship yesterday, and now we are home again, and I have not seen him yet. I was left in the car, and she forgot me. No amount of yelling was heard from deep in a bag with lots of padding around me. They were in and out of the car several times, too, and I could not make myself heard. Worse still, she completely forgot me, and it was His Lordship's birthday, too, and I missed it. There was a dinner with cake and candles last night, and the twins blew them out in my absence. I really wanted to attend this event, but she forgot.
As if this wasn't enough, there was a 4-degree frost this morning and no heat pump in her car. I was rock solid when she eventually loaded the car and left Ashburton after stopping all over the place, still with no thought of me on the floor behind her seat.
She took me to a strange place that made lots of noise, and I could not figure it out. Finally, she told me when she took me inside to the heat pump and thawed out that it was the car wash. I forgot that she said the car was dirty and needed a clean.
Who do I complain to about being strongly neglected and left in the freezing cold car? It's no good telling His Lordship, as he is not here and is due back tomorrow afternoon. The Mistress must be "IN LOVE." I have been told that this is what happens, and because she is now in the high numbers for her age, this will be her excuse. Oh, it is tough being a mere Gnome living with these humans. The thought of complaining may get messy due to her ongoing threats of getting packed in a box and put into storage. There is no heat pump in that garage, either. I could well be permanently frozen.
This is a risk I have to take, but it is a biggie! Hum, I shall think on this for a while.
Tonight, there was a phone call about mushy stuff. She told him about my colossal dilemma. He also said poor Winkle.
3/7/24
Jeepers, it is quiet around here. The Mistress has been out most of the day, so we had the house to ourselves. We explored the garage and talked to our friends, waiting to be packed. They are unhappy about this next process, but I doubt these humans will change their minds. We talked about the good old days outside and all the mischief we got up to. We wondered what the Mistress did today, but it is not a Gnome's business. Moonshine continued his stupid jokes. Some could be more exciting, and he needs to find new books.
Since arriving home, the Mistress has been busy. She had a pavlova to make and a cake to ice. As for tidying up, it is a small kitchen, and everything is on the bench. She announces that she has to get into a mess to get out of a mess. Jeepers, what kind of human psychology is this. Very strange.
A couple of phone calls, love, and mushy stuff are in the air. For goodness' sake, she will see him tomorrow. I hope she remembers to take me this time. I cannot wait for a ride in the car, but I wish it was the caravan.
No blog tomorrow.
2/7/24
It was all go here this morning. It was a shopping day, and then His Lordship left as he had another appointment today. He could assist his darling by carrying the groceries inside before he left. Huh, then she went out again this afternoon with me as well. This means I will see this Vespa scooter at the real estate office.
1/7/24
The joys of being a mere Gnome. Sometimes, life is just not at all fair in this house. Today, I was taken out of the car and supposed to see this Vesper motorbike. Guess what? I am still in the car. Looks like they forgot and went home, leaving me in the cold car, and I can hear the rain pelting down. It's lonely out here, and I wish they could listen to me.
So, what am I supposed to do out here? I cannot see what they are both up to, and I could miss something important. Being in the Prime position on the shelf, I see everything, but I am wrapped up in plastic bubble wrap and a bag and do not have any way of getting out of here.
Argh, the guilt the Mistress feels and comes to rescue me. Phew, I am so glad to see her. She did apologize, which was decent of her. I told her I was far from a happy Chappie, but now all is forgiven. I am now blessed to have her in my life. Amazing just how life can turn around in an instant.
She announced that if I was lucky, I could get a ride to Ashburton on Thursday and return on Friday. We will stay in His Lordship's caravan. I hope he has a heat pump, as I am not accustomed to being cold. I hear it is his birthday. Humm, I wonder how old he will be. He also has a twin brother, and it is his birthday, too. Fancy that. I guess he will be the same age! Maybe they will catch up to the Mistress. She has a big birthday this year and may celebrate at their wedding.
There seems to also be an essential appointment he must attend and another on Friday, which the Mistress needs to attend with him. How can I make sure she does not forget to take me? I shall work on this. Maybe I could get on the floor and trip her up. Oh, hang on she could well have another fall. Like last week, oops maybe I am not meant to say here.
