31/5/24

We are worried about these humans.

Well, NZ is experiencing the after-effects of this new Government's so-called budget. The Mistress has always said never to talk about politics here. But what am I to do? I am so worried about her suffering this financial blow with the cost of living. She tries so hard to stretch her measly pension, and the amount this government is giving is $2.10 per week—$4.20 per payday. This money will not pay for a whole loaf of bread, and no cup of tea at the local cafe. She likes her cups of tea too, but this is such luxury. There is water in the tap instead, but humans need food to survive. She may well disappear from us with this lack of nourishment. The situation is dire, and she's struggling to make ends meet. 

She has been ranting all day long about this terrible blow and is now getting to me. She has been talking to her friends about this, and they all agree. The stress and worry are palpable in her voice, and it's hard not to be affected. 

As a humble Gnome, I am at a loss. The Mistress suggests I should go and earn a living, but that's not what Gnomes do. I am desperate to help, to find a solution, but I am limited by my nature.

But I wanted to help, and needed to check with my mates whenever she leaves the room. 

We listen to many things, and there seem to be always petitions about something on Television. The Mistress is known for taking an interest in some things, which gave us an idea. When she sat down with her glass of water this afternoon, please note, and no cup of tea, I talked to her about why we should do a petition. Her eyes nearly popped out, and her mouth opened wide. When this suggestion finally made sense, she jumped for joy. The petition will call on the government to reconsider its budget decisions, particularly those affecting the elderly and those on fixed incomes like the Mistress. 

She reckons that going into Christchurch Cathedral Square with all of us will get our point across. O.M.G.M. What on earth is happening here? I need a lie-down.  She says we need supporters there, too. But where is a Gnome going to find supporters? The plan is to gather in a visible, public space to draw attention to our cause and hopefully attract the support we need. 

Any kind person who reads this will attend this gathering, and we will let you know when. The Mistress says on a Friday, but only if it is sunny. She is not prepared to go there in the rain. We need people to stand with us and show the government we are not alone in our struggle. Your presence and support make all the difference.

It would be terrible if she and her supporters got sick because the government isn't helping much with the Health System either. She reckons that the budget is full of broken promises, but my friends and I do not understand what she means. I do not buy political books and never will. My goal is to understand humans in their daily lives.

Feel free to show your support in the comments section below. 

 

30/5/24

 Well, what a cheek. This human just took off yesterday and didn't return until today. She even took the laptop with her. How dare she do this. There was no discussion of her plans either. We waited for her to come home and sat in our places on the shelf. We could have been doing all sorts of things that only Gnomes can do. She even turned the heat pump off, and we froze as there was a big frost. The curtains were open, which made me think she would return yesterday.

But when the garage door finally went up, and we found ourselves on the floor, surrounded by those kiwi fruits, it was hard not to chuckle. We were ready to kick up a fuss, as she walked in, but we let it slide, just as she does to us. After all, the Mistress is our teacher, and we've learned a thing or two about patience from her. 

I'm ready to kick when I get caught.

We wanted all the details on her absence, which were not forthcoming. She appeared busy as she scooped up and put all the kiwi fruit back into the fruit tray on the bench, unloaded the car, and went about her chores. While sitting for her lunch, she said she didn't think to tell us she was going to Ashburton for the night. She also suggested that since when was she supposed to tell us her plans? It is her life and house, and Gnomes should "mind their own business." We should be grateful that we live inside and not out, but this could be altered if we carried this gripe on. Jeepers, this is us told, that's for sure. We never uttered another word. 

Moonshine quietly asked me if she had left her brain cells down with Lover Boy. I didn't answer in case we were biffed outside!

I see those birds have been at it again, kicking dirt all over the lawn and path and making a mess. The Mistress will not be amused at all. The tree out the back has almost no leaves left to fall, so give the humans a job to tidy it up before the open day. 

Since The Mistress returned home, no TV or radio has been on, making it very quiet around here. Her friend popped in briefly, and as usual, there was lots of laughing going on. They will miss each other when and if we ever get into this Caravan life.

28/5/24

The Mistress is not at all amused. This book business and its attempt to publish it on Amazon is a nightmare. However, the daughter and she have gleaned some valuable insights from this experience, and they are confident that book 2 will be a more straightforward process. In fact, book 2 might even be published before book 1. They should have considered my expertise in getting it published.  Humans, what do they really understand!

It's the anniversary day, and they had some errands to run. Then, I overheard them planning to have lunch when they first met. Seizing the opportunity, my mates and I ventured outside. The sun was shining, and the frost had melted, creating the perfect conditions for our escape attempt. Moonshine bravely distracted the Policeman while the Golfer took a daring shot at him. The Policeman, enraged, jumped in fury, but we managed to slip past him. 

We were off like a streak of lightning. He couldn't keep up and fell over on a stone on the concrete. We were long gone, so we raced to the common area, climbed on the chairs and table, and then up the trees. We disobeyed his demands and made out we didn't hear him. Humans call it selective hearing when they want to. 

This action happens here with these humans at times. They seem to blame their age on this issue. Why do they blame others instead of owning up? Gnomes never ever own up. Why should we, I say? We are known for all sorts of naughty things, some of which humans do not know.  Some people in the village walked by, and we never let on where we were. Some stopped to chat with each other and, of course, moan about the cold. The sun was great, and they needed to know it was wintertime and needed to get used to it.

I also heard them say, "That unit is not sold yet." Hey, if there are no customers, there won't be a sale. I am doing my best to encourage them, but the agent is busy in the background, getting into his contacts. 

 27/5/24

The nights are growing colder in this place, a perfect time for humans to snuggle under their warm covers. But what about us? They refuse to leave the heater on overnight, leaving us gnomes to fend for ourselves. How are we supposed to cope? It's too chilly for us to seek warmth in the garage, running around to keep our tiny bodies from freezing. 

We should count our blessings that we're allowed to live indoors. I must tread carefully here for the threat of being banished outside looms. So, I'll refrain from mentioning this again.

Observing 'His Lordship' in the mornings is a fascinating study. He leaves his beloved to sleep in, a testament to her restless nights. It's a curious behavior, one that piques my interest and keeps me entertained. He never comes out blurry-eyed and is always wide awake. Checking his phone, a small rectangular object that seems to hold his attention is usually the first task after turning the TV on. When he is ready, the jug is on to cooking his toast, a ritual that he seems to perform with precision and care. This intricate routine, performed with such dedication, is a source of intrigue for us gnomes. 

This fella is a deep thinker, and his concentration on that little phone is immense. He only disturbs his darling when she wants to be woken at a particular time. Sometimes, I almost want to throw something at him as he has missed that time due to his immense interest in that TV or his phone. 

When he sees his darling getting dressed, he gets her breakfast and warms her wheat bag, ready to be placed behind her back for the pain. She staggers out here all hunched over and looks forward to sitting down. Argh he really looks after her.

These two humans really look after each other. Everything is teamwork, from my observation. She cooks excellent meals according to His Lordship, and I have heard her say, "The way to a man's heart is through his tummy." He has even folded the washing tonight. What a great man. 😍😍 

 26/5/24

These humans have been in and out again today. They got the house ready for an open home, and then The Mistress left His Lordship to do the floors and sweep the leaves outside. But what is the point, I say, as the leaves were still falling and now just as bad?

When the Mistress returned, she took His Lordship out so the agent could come in. He and I engaged in a lively conversation about the state of this terribly slow market. Just as we were about to move, a lady appeared, and I assessed her as a potential buyer for this place. The humans reappeared before we could proceed. It's just as well I have a stack of books to read. 

Today, the Mistress encountered a fascinating individual, a prolific author with three books under her belt and more on the horizon. The Mistress was inundated with information and contacts, her mind buzzing with possibilities. It's a situation worth watching, as who knows what could come next. 

News just in! The humans are preparing to celebrate their first anniversary. The air is filled with anticipation, and I'm already signaling my mates about the fun we could have in their absence.

The love birds left, and we bounced down to the floor and got into the ping-pong balls. They went in all directions, and some were taking potshots at me. One ball got me on the nose. They ganged up on me. Moonshine stayed on the shelf and told jokes while we all biffed with each other.

Oops, we got caught

This week is the first anniversary for these love birds, and they went out and celebrated. They are happy together and get on so well. They can't wait to be together permanently. 

The humans that live in my house.

The Mistress has just told me off. She reckons this is her house, and I don't pay any bills. I am mostly here as these two are often out. They are not even here to check out the buyers, which they should be. The Mistress reminded me that she provided this house for us to live in, and when I find a job to contribute to the household, then I will have a say. She is so mean and bossy, I say.

We all got frightened a while ago because His Lordship's phone made a considerable noise, causing me to almost fall off my perch. The Mistress's phone didn't make this noise at all. So, what is this commotion about? It appears the emergency phone advises of a drill to allow people to learn this for when a real emergency happens.

The human world is so complicated and contains so much useless information that Gnomes do not need to know it.

25/5/24

 Argh, the humans went out, and it looked like they were out for the day, so what mischief could we all get up to today? The frost lifted, and the sun was out, which was an excellent opportunity for the inside mates to head outdoors. Thank goodness the day warmed up a lot. So, we gathered around the pool to see how those fellas and ladies were coping with very little clothes on? Those ladies told us they run around to keep warm, but only when nobody is looking. They also said they sometimes get black eyes, but we won't investigate why. 

Our escape plan was in full swing, but the jolly policeman was on high alert. No amount of bribery could sway him. It seems these humans are paying him a pretty penny. Oh, how I wish I was on that payroll.

We peered through the fence to see what the neighbors were up to. The odd one stopped and chatted, and a few cars came and went. A couple of gnomes had fallen over. I couldn't figure out if they were drunk or not.

His Lordship, always one for fashion lately, was decked out in a massive wooly jacket straight from Peru. The Mistress claimed we were practically in the Antarctic and needed such warm clothes. No wonder those ladies outside were running around to keep warm.

The blokes out there say the women need to harden up. They do not feel the cold and tell like it or lump it. Luckily, we were back inside before the humans arrived home. Hopefully, there are no more big dents in that car!!

 23/5/24

That Mistress has been in and out like a yo-yo today. She has been out bragging about our book. I do not blame her, as it is something to brag about. I may be on that bandwagon, too. She has a dear friend who is extremely unwell and wanted her to see it. 

Last night, I had a perfect chat with my mates. I showed them the book, and all the pictures brought back memories of our holiday. They really could not understand what I was talking about. Some of them are so dumb. They knew we were missing for a long time. Oh well, I was very privileged, and I do know this and will never forget it. The photos will remind me of the book, and I can read the book, of course. But it is so much bigger than me. I must get my mates to hold the book open and turn the pages. I would never have believed that books could be so big, and she says the next one is even bigger. 

His Lordship was meant to return today, but his truck is not ready until tomorrow. He is not impressed, as the bill will not be good, and he is considering quitting. It appears to be causing a lot of problems and dollars. They will buy a brand new 4WD to tow this ginormous caravan, so there's no point in keeping it. That is my opinion anyway. But what would a mere gnome know.? 

I hear the caravan fella phoned today to check on the house sale. He saw it on Trade Me, said it was a lovely house, and saw all the toys in the garden. The Mistress was most upset that he called them toys and politely corrected him. She even had the cheek to ask him if his mother needed a house like this. Hehehehe. She suggested he keep an eye out for the right person.!!! She has the jolly cheek but knows he took it correctly. He is a lovely man, she says. 

She never misses an opportunity this Mistress. She reckons he could know people as a businessman and wants to sell her this caravan. Anything to help this process. 

Another phone call tonight for these lovebirds. Argh, do I have to listen to this mushy stuff? You do not hear of Gnomes carrying on like this. 

hw

 22/5/24

On a chilly Wednesday, it was golf day for His Lordship. With everything meticulously organized, he set off. The weather, though sporadically clear, was biting cold. Meanwhile, the Mistress, in her element, declared it cheese roll making day. And there I was, yours truly, given the rare privilege to witness this culinary spectacle. I clambered onto the bench, and she ingeniously propped me up on containers and the toaster.

Washing her hands first, how stupid is this. Hygiene, she said. What's hygiene. Oh, heck, I am to look this up in my books. She is far too busy to explain. Grating the cheese is weird, but I was assured it would melt with the other ingredients. 

Observing the cook.

The Mistress informed me that her late mother made hundreds of these with her local Lions Club, raising money for community activities. 

It was interesting watching each process of making a cheese roll. I thought you would just push the roll, and it would be made, but no, it was pretty technical. 

Melting the cheese

Making the cheese roll

All rolled up

It was quite an exciting process, and I feel privileged to watch her in action instead of from my position on the shelf. Gee, she is pretty quick to take these away. Most went into the freezer. It is an easy meal for these retired humans. 

Her son recently requested the recipe for a mate, and he reckons they are very yummy. She tells me that he asked her to show him and his son how to make them years ago, and they were all gone in a flash as they had hollow legs. 

It appears the pillboxes were empty and needed filling, all 7 weeks supply. Quite a complicated process for this human. She seems to take a heap of pills. I hope they all know where they are to go.

His Lordship phoned twice tonight; argh, must be love.

21/5/24

It is not much of a day here; the rain still falls, and these humans went out twice today. How stupid, I say. The Mistress did say, a good day to go back to bed. However, there was the shopping and a batch of sultana scones to make for their friends who live in a rest home apartment. This chap has been sick lately, and he is partial to these. She put spice and brown sugar in to try to jazz them up, as plain sultanas are dull and boring, she reckons.

They went down well, and he told his wife he hoped we would bring some today. She picked up on his request telepathically. 

This reminds me of something else that happened this past week. The Mistress was awake in the early hours when her darling was in Ashburton. She found the piece that fell off his neckless. Knowing what this meant to him, she texted about 2am to let him know she saw it. Now get this, at the same time, he was awake and looking for it in his bed. What, oh heck, this is incredible. What is going on here between these humans? She says they are in sync with each other. Weird is all I can say.

So when the humans went out, we all tore into their bedroom and went up to the window. It was too cold and wet for us to venture outside, and we wanted to check out the neighborhood from up there. A few cars were coming and going, and we wondered where the Mistress's friend lived. We had lots of guesses, but who would know. Oops, and we were off to our places. That little r1ed/black swift flew in the drive with His Lordship driving. We only just made it too before they came in the door. 

They have a system for getting the groceries away and then lunchtime. Watching these scones being made was an interesting sight. The Mistress grated the butter into the flour; now, this was odd, but she knew what she was doing. They didn't stink while cooking, and they did just as well. That pickle stuff she made in the summer I will never forget. I hope there will never be this event again. Indeed, living in the caravan will put a stop to this, I hope!

Some scones were left on the bench when they went out, so we climbed up to check them out in their absence. It's not bad if you are into this stuff. Us Gnomes live in fresh air and sunshine. The stuff that humans eat is nothing short of amazing. From what we can observe, they always seem to enjoy these meals. His Lordship does tell her she is a good cook and is putting on weight. What does weight mean? I ask. I hear him say we can't take that as we will be overweight in the caravan. The Mistress explained it to me, and I was better informed. Maybe some humans here need to lose weight before we set off on this expedition. Gee, I better stop and head for the hills. 

20/5/24

Big News Flash 

The Mistress is like a cat walking on hot bricks. The news is fantastic, and I must share it right away. Her hard copy of our first book has arrived. She is so excited, and His Lordship doesn't see what all the excitement is about. I just wish he was happy for her. 

I am proud of her and the daughter who helped bring this together. It has been a long time since we got this underway, and now it is accurate. She is grinning from ear to ear. 

This is a sample. It will soon be available on Amazon, so everyone should watch for it. She will authorize printing once she has screen-proofed it in the next few days.

I shall check this book out tonight while the humans sleep. She tells me all the house sits we did and looking after their pets. Pictures and a brand-new home of a family member (Amy) are all in it. Of course, her son and his flash car picture and his partner's cats and horses are in it, as are photos of her daughter and their cat and granddaughter. 

The next book will be about her new family, and the third book will be about caravan life. I asked her what would happen if people did not buy it. Um, we won't go there.

Now she has me so excited that I can hardly work this computer. I type all sorts of things, then forget to push the space bar, and all the words run together. This holds me up as I am now bursting with excitement. It is not every day a mere Gnome writes a book.

I just remembered more news: We have over 24,000 hits on our blog. I can see the Mistress celebrating tonight with some bubbly. I hope I get to have some too. 

Celebrating together

Arh, she poured me a glass, too. Please note mine is a small one. She knows what I would be like if I had had too many! How many will she have? His Lordship is on cooking duty. 

Rather lovely, too. Cheers!

Duh....this thing drives me nuts. Why does it change the size of the print? I cannot get this to change at all.

I do see the Mistress enjoying her glass of bubbly. I think she is on her second, having had her dinner, and the glass almost needs filling again. 

A neighbor came over to share the news and is proud of the Mistress. She had a few words with His Lordship about his lack of words. He is wondering why she has gone quiet. If I were him, I would speak up pretty soon, or he could be in the doghouse for a long while. 

 19/5/24

This morning, the Mistress limped around here and was generally very uncomfortable. Getting the house ready for an open home took a lot of work for her, and His Lordship assisted. She has him trained well, and she erupted when he went to wash his hands in a spotless and sparkly sink. Then he went to another sink, and a full eruption occurred. He was unimpressed. Poor man, I really felt sorry for him.

The house was ready, and they headed out and were away for ages. I thought they had forgotten where we lived and wondered if they had gotten that substantial posh caravan. It appears they went to the caravan show. They looked pleased when they wandered in, and The Mistress headed to her chair. 

Upon my Eves dropping, I heard they bought a fancy bed that does more than the current one and will fit into the caravan. The pain she suffers may just help her and anything for peace. I hear her saying His Lordship made her buy one. Let me tell you, he did not. A lovely salesperson, Sarah, told them all about this item. They enjoyed the gentle massage it gave them and reckon it is quieter. The saleslady did her magic, and The Mistress made a deposit. His Lordship has been talking about putting the massager on before she gets out of bed and see if it helps her. Good idea. It will be delivered once the caravan is purchased and the house is sold. 

But when I say, and I am so tired of waiting., the Mistress says that word again. "Patience" 

A fancy new bed

I had quite a good chat with the Agent again today, and he, too, is wondering where all the customers are. It appears that he only had one in his other open homes. It must be too cold. There is snow around some parts of the country. It will be the oldies who are buying this place, and they do not like the cold at all.

As for my friends outside, they want to come in, and I will not let them. Imagine the eruption that would happen if they got caught. We do not require any more outbursts from her. As for His Lordship, he is very placid, which sometimes ruffles her feathers. You should have heard him doing the dishes when the Mistress found the dishes were not washed properly. I better be quiet here, as I could get into intense trouble again.

workds

 17/5/24

I am so excited and feel that I am going to burst. Our snazzy car is home. I missed seeing it, and the mistress took me out to view the work done on it. It looks brand new. She says the fellas loved working on it and would miss it. It is one of the best they have worked on.

We have our car back. Yippy. 

Can you see me? The roof is so shiny I could skate on here, but something tells me I better not. She wouldn't know, would she?

I better not, especially If I ever want to ride in it again.

The Mistress is happy she didn't have to pay the bill because the insurance company picked up the tab. The panel beating place even cleaned the inside of her car, which she is delighted about, too. Even her phone worked, which she was worried about. The lovely young chap was there to assist with the technology if she needed it.

The steering wheel is a bit high, and His Lordship has a few jobs to do tomorrow. He will be busy, and there will be another open house on Sunday. 

So, last night, we gave this meditation stuff another go. There was a problem, though. The Mistress couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned for several hours, and we were worried she would come out and see us. We had been in enough trouble this week and couldn't take another ear bashing. My mates agreed, too, so we quietly waited and waited. 

When she went out to pick up the car, we ran around in the garage, but we only stayed for a short time due to the temperature. Despite the sunshine outside, it was freezing. So, we honed around the inside because the heat pump was on, and the carpet was on the floor.

Great fun was had by all, and we look forward to tomorrow. The Mistress told His Lordship on the phone that she was going out and may not be here when he arrived. It sounds like they are having problems fixing his truck, as it is still in the garage.

Arh, these humans are missing each other. I had to be subjected to this lovey-dovey stuff again on the phone. Only one more sleep, I say. Is this why she couldn't sleep? Better not go there.

16/5/24

 It is awfully quiet here; his Lordship has gone home for golf. The Mistress potters around, has a sit down then goes out to who knows where. We are left to our own devices. Moonshine heads straight to the Mistress's bed for more high jinks. He enjoyed jumping around the other day and decided we would do this again today. As soon as the garage door went down, he was off as quick as a flash.  All the pillows went flying, and the bedspread was in all directions. 

Moonshine was cracking jokes as usual, and the rest of us nearly fell to the floor laughing. That bed is relatively high up and was hard to climb up in the first place. Pulling the drawers out and climbing to the next was a better option. The golfing dude hit his ball to the window, and we waited for the crash. Nope, he is safe for another day.

We saw people taking their rubbish bins in. They made a noise along the concrete, and we hoped they didn't see us jumping around. They would be sure to tell the Mistress.

We were in trouble because we did not hear the garage door open, and the Mistress waltzed in. She looked across the room and saw us in all sorts of positions. Her face told us we were in deep trouble. We had seen this face before, and she was far from impressed. 

It's not good to have an unhappy Mistress. We shall devise a plan to win her over again. It might take a while to come up with something. Trixie reminded me that females generally like chocolate and wine!! They especially like flowers, too, but there are none in the garden to pick. Moonshine reckons we could raid the neighbors' gardens. Mr. Golfer said, "You fools, it is wintertime, and none are around." The only things around are the leaves, making a huge mess.  

Some exciting news has happened today. While out to lunch today, the Mistress's phone rang, and she told her friend it was about her car. Sure enough, it will be ready to pick up tomorrow. Now I want to know how she knew it was about the car. The fella asked if she was psychic. I wonder what that word means. I shall have to ask her sometime.

That has been just over 6 weeks. She is chuffed as the rental is driving her nuts. She reckons the vehicle tries to steer her and gets annoyed with it. Its pick-up at the lights always frustrates her. The Swift has a turbo and a beauty. I know she sometimes drags off other cars, and one day, Mr. Policeman may just catch her.  Don't tell her that I told you, as I may never get to ride in it again. Speaking of which, I haven't had a ride in the rental yet. It sounds like I may never get a ride in it, either. I also hear that the car they need to tow this whopper caravan has a turbo and has more grunt than the Swift. This could be a problem, too, as she has a heavy foot. Believe me, she sure knows how to put that foot down.

14/5/24

It has been a busy morning at this house. The agent came to talk; the news was as the Mistress thought. The housing market, in a state of deep depression, is posing a significant challenge, and we are to sit it out. Luckily, the Mistress understands the gravity of the situation and is prepared to work with whatever is required. 

Patience is required.

His Lordship had to suddenly leave, and then they had to go to goodness only knows where. We wondered for how long and, as usual, who would know. 

We jumped around on the human's bed. It was amazing how high we could jump. The pillows were spongy, too, and we had a great bounce around. Crickey, don't tell the Mistress, though. We could be in serious trouble. We made sure to fix the bedspread as it was all crumpled and all over the place. The pillows ended up on the floor, so they returned to bed before we left the room. 

We kept checking out the windows to see if the neighbors were watching. For some strange reason, they don't usually miss anything happening here. We were not all that noisy, but we did enjoy ourselves. We must do this again sometime, as it was so much fun. 

Oh, they got home and noticed we still needed to put the fancy pillow on the bed. This meant, "How did this get on the floor?" She was far from amused or impressed. "Sorry, Mistress". 

She did something strange with dinner tonight. His Lordship put whole potatoes in the microwave this morning, and it helped her for tonight. These potatoes were huge, and tonight, she dug out the center and made stuffed potatoes. It was rather interesting watching His Lordship mash up all sorts of things. Then she re-stuffed the potatoes and topped them with cheese, but His Lordship says only a little cheese for him. 

They enjoy dinner with a salad, a glass of bubbly, and some yummy comments. 

13/5/24

The Mistress went out last night, leaving His Lordship and me at home alone. Like me, he enjoys having the house to himself and does not have to negotiate the TV remote. 

Now I want to know why no one came yesterday despite the agent saying he had a group from another agent. Is he telling porkies? All will be revealed when he visits us tomorrow. These humans are itching to sell this place and move on to the next chapter. 

We carried on with this meditation fiasco. Trixie and I did much better than previously, but we still have a way to go. The Mistress says it takes practice and patience. Arh, that word again. Moonshine went to sleep. He snored and snored and was not quiet about it at all. I know someone else who snores, and the Mistress digs His Lordship in the ribcage, especially if he is on his back. He usually grumbles a bit and always denies snoring.

The Mistress struggled again today while walking around the place. The Wheat bag was heated, and she remained in her chair with room service doing exactly what she wanted. Breakfast went down well, as usual. 

A discussion occurred about the fact that she had already packed her winter clothes and needed them. His Lordship assisted with the large containers, and she was happy to see some warmer clothes. A friend popped over from within the village to get assistance with her phone. There was no point in getting stressed when the Mistress could help her. They are going to miss each other when we get out of here. They will have many chats on their phones.

Another friend the Mistress has known for many years popped in this afternoon for a catch-up. She even spoke to me, which was extremely good of her. The Mistress said they met in 1990. Jeepers, that was a long time ago. I ran out of fingers to count on. Some of my mates are that old too, and others are younger. 

A birdie told me she saw a Gnome to buy yesterday, picked it up, looked at it, and then put it down again. I wonder if someone had a word in her ear. It was a wise decision, I would say.

There has been some talk about packing up some Gnomes. I don't know about this, as we need to keep an eye on them. On a nice sunny day, if the coast is clear, we head out for a catch-up and a few games. I might have to step in and say a big NO. 

11/5/24

The Mistress was cooking up a storm this morning. She purchased a 10k bag of potatoes yesterday and has a potato chowder recipe in her head, so she processed a crockpot full. She seemed to know His Lordship would enjoy this tonight. At least it doesn't smell like that pickle stuff she makes. 

The Mistress is getting ready for tomorrow's open home. She cleaned the inside windows and thought the outside needed doing, too, when His Lordship arrived. The sun was out; she swept up many leaves from this week's storm out the front and her neighbors, too. His Lordship arrived in a borrowed car. His 4WD died while driving. It just stopped, he said. It appears it has done this before. So now it's at the garage being fixed. The joys of motoring, she says.

Speaking of which, her car is still being repaired after our crash. It has been away for weeks and weeks. So why the delay? She asks. They told her all the parts were available in NZ, so there was no problem. 

I was in a great position to see the outside windows being washed. His Lordship was a great help, and they are all sparkling again. It appears the agent has some people coming tomorrow. Well, it's about time, I say. We want to get this caravan and get on the road. Hopefully, I will check these people out and tell them this is a great place to live. It will be seven years since we arrived in August. 

Now, overnight, we tried this meditation stuff. Oh, my goodness, whose idea is this? Crazy, if you ask me. First, we had to shut up. Trixie says nobody should talk while we close our eyes and breathe deeply; if your mind is open and outside influences are closed off, you may see something. Moonshine went to sleep and started snoring. I had several goes until I was happy. It was very relaxing, I felt. Must try this again. The Mistress says it is good for me. I shall reserve my judgment at the moment.    

I have watched her meditate, but sometimes, she goes to sleep. It's no wonder she cannot sleep at night when this happens. As for His Lordship, he just sleeps in his chair and bypasses the meditation. Probably has no intention of doing it. 

 10/5/24

Brrr, it was very chilly this morning. That Mistress is very wise sometimes. Last night, a memo came to her phone warning of possible power cuts from 7 to 9 a.m. today. She felt this was an excellent excuse to stay in bed, where it was very cozy and warm. So, this would have saved some electricity for those who needed it early. She felt that being retired and having nothing to get up for was pretty good.

She went out this afternoon, so we decided to just get on the floor and catch up. As usual, Moonshine shared a few jokes and had us all laughing and rolling around the floor. We were cozy inside and were not going to head outside for anyone. Looking out the ranch slider, we saw our mates begging to come in. Oh no, not today, we all said. They were unhappy with us, and pulling the curtain closed was required so they could not see in. 

Trixie felt this was quite mean of us. "Nope, I said". She saw that I was wearing pants around here and made the decision. The Mistress is teaching me to be assertive. She is frequently assertive around here, so if it is good enough for her, it is good enough for me.

Last night, we went to the garage for some ping-pong ball games but turned around very quickly. Jeepers, it was freezing out there. There was no place for a Gnome who was used to the luxury of warmth on my shelf. We all agreed very quickly and headed back in haste.

We made yet another attempt to rouse that perpetual sleeper. We thought tickling his toes would do the trick, but he is not ticklish. Hmm, what shall we do? Moonshine suggested we use the ping-pong balls for target practice on him.  Great idea, so we all took turns as we couldn't wake the Mistress. Mr. Grumpy woke all right, and then we regretted annoying him. He was eager to return to his state of noncompliance. Trixie wondered if he meditates, as some do, you know. 

Always asleep

Another man is constantly meditating, sitting cross-legged at the window. His nature is serene and calm, and he speaks like he is from another planet, so we should all try this. The Mistress does this meditating sometimes. We watch her drift off regularly. She is always in a state of deep relaxation afterward and says it is good for you. 

Ok, then we shall try this tonight. 

Meditating

 8/5/24

Do you know my memory is becoming like these humans I live with? Indeed, it must be something we are all breathing in because we live under one roof. I forgot to mention yesterday about a very happy romantic gesture that came from His Lordship. He arrived with a bunch of lovely flowers and delighted The Mistress with a huge kiss. Nope, he hadn't done anything wrong either. It was just a gesture of love. I just about had to leave the room, as it was too much for me. 

 

It's called love!

           It is so good to see these two love birds so happy. They seem to         giggle all day at times. This computer contraption has a mind of its own today. It won't do what I want, causing me so much frustration. I am almost ready to throw out the door and gate to the bin. The Mistress won't help me either. Some humans are so mean, I say.

Oh, heck, that Mistress took me off here because I was cursing this contraption. After all, it was going haywire. She could not fix it either and told me to work it out. But I am a Gnome, and we don't know this stuff. Her thoughts were that, due to being old, her brain was full. What utter rubbish, I say. What is wrong with being positive? Being negative won't help the situation. She has been teaching me this for years, and now, for some reason, she is not practicing what she preaches. Humans are a complicated species. I doubt I will ever truly understand them. As I am here to learn from them, I shall just quietly sit and rock away quietly in my chair. 

Last night, a storm hit Jeepers, and the mistress went out—crazy if you ask me. She said it would be an exciting night and felt like staying at home, but she knew she would enjoy it. So, we hunkered down, listening to the wind and rain.

 

            

 

 7/5/24

These humans took off this morning, and when the Mistress could stand up properly, she got around here with a wobble, and slowly, I might add. She announces that the wheat bag brought colossal relief and pleased His Lordship. He lovingly gets her breakfast and pills and generally runs after her. She enjoys the fuss, and he never complains unless he is having her on.  

So, while we had the place to ourselves, we ran outside and played in the leaves. It was so much fun. Moonshine hadn't done this before and was hooked when he saw what we were doing. Of course, the jokes flew out of his mouth and cracked everyone up. Luckily, we came in before the humans arrived home. Payday is always a shopping day here. His Lordship carries the shopping while the love of his life puts it all away, saving the stress on her back.

The Mistress had some sewing to do on a jacket. The sleeves were too long and needed attention. Sitting in the sun appealed in her chair. Being partly black, it was easier to see in the sun.  His Lordship jumped on board and suggested she might like to take up the hems of his jeans. Such a good idea, she thought while it was sunny. After jabbing herself with pins several times, she got the sewing machine out. 

I preferred to stay out of the way because she was very frustrated with this machine's failure to do what it was told. Cool air appeared briefly, so keeping my lips sealed was best. Trixie agreed, and we kept our lips sealed and watched over her shoulder. 

Job done. She is pleased with her efforts, and His Lordship is happy. She aims to please her man, especially as he does so much for her, especially in the mornings. 

I see those birds outside are still eating that chunk of bread. They seem to toss it all over the place and find the crust a mission to attack. That's probably why the birds are eating it.

Chicken and vegetable soup were on the menu tonight, and the humans enjoyed it. I can't see the birds getting this anytime soon. I have noted that this man is easy to please, especially if no pizza is on the menu.

By the looks of things, he is getting sorted to return to Ashburton tomorrow. It is golf day. I wonder what the Mistress has planned. I will have to wait to find out. 

 6/5/24

The Mistress has been scammed, and she is not at all impressed. A pretty tidy sum, she says, and too much for a pensioner to lose. She trotted off to the bank, and now it's in the hands of the fraud department. Fraud now is a new word for me to ponder. This is the first I have heard of this, and the Mistress says it is common now with technology. So, isn't technology meant to sort this so that fraud doesn't happen? Easier said than done, she announces. Oh, heck, this is hard for my poor head to understand. The Mistress says to let her worry about it and for me to focus on good vibes to get the house sold.

On a different note, I overheard a cryptic conversation today on the phone... I'm sworn to secrecy. The Mistress assures me that we'll have more information next week. For now, I've been instructed to keep mum about this topic. 

Before the phone call, the Mistress embarked on a massive project, sorting through numerous drawers and downsizing her belongings. It was a Herculean task, with His Lordship pointing out that the weight of her possessions was a significant concern for the caravan. She certainly has a substantial wardrobe, that's for sure. 

She also needed to find her sewing kit for the caravan as she had some sewing on cuffs and a jacket. This meant taking the wardrobe doors off. She had packed boxes out of the road. After some heavy grunting, she found what she was looking for. What a relief, I say. That grunting sounded painful. I hope she doesn't do this too often.

5/5/24

The Mistress was in a lot of pain today and moving very slowly. Her back is the problem, and she had to have extra sit-downs. Meds need to do the job, she says, but I saw her heating her wheat bag, which she only uses when it is awful. It is rather funny to see her doubled over while walking. Crickey, don't tell her this. I might have to start running.

Eventually, she sorted the house with His Lordship's help for the open home. As usual, all was looking great until the duster passed my nose. Why dust? It will all be back tomorrow!

Today, the fella was quite chirpy, introduced himself, and asked me where all the buyers were. Hey mate, that is your job. He was a nice chap, and we had quite a discussion about this buyer business. I politely said that we wanted to get on the road. He informed me that when people downsize, they do not realize how small these places are. 

I can hear the Mistress say, "Be patient."

After he left, we took off outside as we heard the birds enjoy some chunky bread these humans threw out. They dug right inside and made a cave. Clever little clogs they are. BUT The Mistress is not at all happy. She went out the front door to find a good chunk of garden on the path and lawn. All the plants she put in yesterday were all over the place. After sorting the garden, she shook pepper all around to make them sneeze. 

I have never seen a bird sneeze, so I must sit and wait for this one. This mission could get interesting. Why pepper? I asked her. It is a common deterrent.

Anyway, we honed around outside, and it was a nice day, so we caught up with our mates. That Policeman outside the gate wouldn't let us past. Who does he think he is? We wanted to go over to the common area. There is so much room to run around and climb the trees. There is even a garden there, and we could have hidden from each other, but that was not to be. He is so mean. I wonder if the Mistress pays him not to let us pass. 

I heard the Mistress talking to a lady we house-sat for in Paeroa. Gosh, that is a long way to go. Her cute, big, fluffy white cat, Milly, is no longer with them. I remember the Mistress giving her medicine every day, too. She and I had many chats on the floor, and the Mistress loved her. Just down their road, a lady gave the Mistress three Gnomes she didn't want, and they were part of a set she already had. The actual neighbors over the fence were great people, too. That lady took the Mistress to play croquet. 

I wonder what they decide regarding this place.

 3/5/24

The Mistress went out to the garden for a tidy-up before the next open home on Sunday. It was very messy and some of my mates you couldn't see. They got a talking-to simultaneously and were informed they had to keep it tidy. She even transferred plants around to fill a space. She looks proud now. We have to have a happy Mistress! 

His Lordship phoned, which also made for a very happy Mistress. They crack each other up a lot. They constantly fire potshots at each other with a lot of hilarity. They do miss each other, and I must listen to this talk. Well, then sell the house, and they will be permanently together.

Today and some other days, I catch the Mistress using her foot to push my friend the door stop into position. This is different from how gnomes like to be treated. Placing him with her hands would be far more pleasant for that old fella. He is getting fed up with the digs in his side to move. One day, he may lash out, which might not be funny for her. 

I hope he comes with us in the caravan. He is helpful and likes looking outside at the birds eating the bread they chuck out. 

I have just noticed she has had a haircut. She told me this was done on Wednesday, and I am too late to comment. Women prefer comments on the day, and I overlooked this matter!! Oh dear, it is tough to live being a mere Gnome.

Last night, we went to the freezing garage with the ping-pong balls and had a great bounce around. They make quite a noise on the concrete, so we had to watch out for the lady of the house. We saw her go to the bathroom and thought she was coming out to us. Phew, she changed her mind. 

Arh, the love birds have just been on the phone. One more sleep, she says. Great news: He is not going to kill those poor ducks. He has nobody to go with, so she is delighted about this. It's not suitable to shoot on your own. 

2/5/24

The sun was shining, and His Lordship went south. You see, he is hoping to do some duck shooting as it is always the beginning of May. Why, oh, why would a human want to shoot ducks anyway. I cannot see the logic in this at all. Some of his mates are unavailable, and the Mistress hopes he doesn't shoot alone. I had quite a chat with the Mistress about this business. She says it's a predominantly male thing and the thrill of being a good shot. I ask What he is going to do with this dead duck. 

OMG, I was not ready for her reply. Eat them. Do you mean to tell me he will shoot more than one? She announces that it depends on how good a shot he is. Let's hope he fails and lets the poor duck live. Fancy that. What else does this man do? He goes fishing, but since they have been together, he is too occupied to go. This is the goal when that agent sells this place. Well, I want to see this business. What does he do with the fish...eat them, she says. What, poor fish. Humans are a weird bunch. 

The Mistress sat me down and explained that the male human already has the hunting ability in them (they are born with it) to provide for his family. They also want to keep them warm, and the male gathers the wood for those with fires to heat their homes. If they are fortunate, females can help. 

I have heard him talk about cutting down trees and sawing them up small to burn. He sometimes helps people, and recently, his brother, as he has a hole in his arm. That sounds yucky, but he showed the Mistress, and I don't think she was impressed.

So, his Lordship has plenty of skills for doing all sorts of things, including towing a huge posh caravan and a massive car for towing this thing. Then he has to teach the Mistress. He has a very huge task teaching her. I hope he is patient because she is a challenge. Her friends seem to think females can do anything and are happy to learn most of the time! These friends tow their caravans to give their fellas a break. Also, if he pops his clogs, then she will know what to do. 

Living with this species is such an exciting life. I have learned so much, and The Mistress says we keep learning until the day we die.