29/6/24

The Mistress appeared a little sleepy this morning and did not move quickly.  She does it slowly, I maintain. She heats the wheat bag while cooking breakfast. Generally, this brings relief the minute she sits down. The morning soon got away from her. It was croquet again today, and she needed to do some jobs, but to me, the body wasn't willing. Eventually, motivation was found, and all was well, with her jobs done, lunch, and then out the door. 

Last night was enjoyable for us, as the policeman ensured that others were allowed through. As there were so many of them, they had to take turns. Sure enough, when all was quiet, about six came. We played on an exercise thing that these humans have stopped using. They have it for sale, as it is far too heavy for the caravan. Crickey, it was so hard to move. We needed seven gnomes on each pedal to make it move. 

30/6/24

She has been at it again and did not let me finish this blog yesterday. It's no good complaining around here. She is the boss, and I must just like it or lump it. 

His Lordship appeared in the afternoon after he watched her play croquet. She had a surprise in store: His mallet was in her car. She had bought one from another player who had a spare. Nope, not today, he said. 

There was another open house today, and all hands were on deck to get the house ready. They loved the fact that the sun was shining, and indeed, this would bring people out. His Lordship raised a concern that if he was going to play this game, then he would like to practice first. Thankfully, having a key to the place helps. 

I hear the Mistress was very impressed with his skills. Playing golf and pool helps because they also use strategies. They announced that she won the first game, but he won the second. Something tells me he will be a pro at this sport before you know it. But I am not sure she would be happy about this though. He is still going on about how the weight of his scooter on the back of the caravan would make things too heavy. She wonders if he could borrow or hire a scooter wherever they travel.

28/6/24

 I am so glad that the humans brought my friends inside. This has made life so much easier for us to do our Gnome stuff, some of which I will not divulge here. This must remain Gnome business only. When all was quiet, we gathered in the lounge with the ping pong balls and some mandarins. Oh, what fun we had. They were all flying everywhere, and lots of laughter was had. 

Trixie had pulled the bedroom door so we did not disturb the Mistress. Heaven helps us if we get caught. Life here could be limited, and this could drastically change. The thrill of the risk added an extra layer of excitement to our secret gathering. Before long, we knew they could use the bathroom, so packing up was essential and quickly. Gosh, it was so much fun. The policeman limited the number of gnomes who came through the door, and they all needed a lesson on how to behave inside, as the rules are quite different from those of living outside. To have an upset Mistress on the wall path is just indefensible. Being on the receiving end of her being quite angry with us is not an option. I need to attend this wedding in October; she could make this difficult for me. 

They went back to the garage, and the rest of us went back to our places on the shelves. Moonshine told us some jokes and stories to pass the night away. 

His Lordship made sure he tended to his darling before heading south. Today is a unique golf day, and it is a public holiday. The Mistress went about her chores and then went out the door. Due to this public holiday, she had a vital croquet fun day. Eventually, she appeared through the door. All was very quiet with us, and just as well. I am not about to let her know what we got up to in her absence. Her activities could significantly impact us, and the tension is palpable.

I did hear her on the phone making more wedding plans tonight. I didn't realize just how much is involved with these things. This will be the first wedding I have attended, and the anticipation is like a fluttering butterfly in my stomach. I can't wait. I believe some people will be getting into alcohol, so this could be an exciting experience for me. The last time I did this, I was far from popular. The Mistress hid all the alcohol and put it under lock and key.

It is so quiet here tonight. Just the Mistress and I are watching TV, and I see that she is enjoying a glass of wine. Bliss, she reckons. Jeepers, don't tell His Lordship this, for goodness sake. 

27/6/24

 News Flash

Children's book

now available on 

Amazon

The courier has been again. She is like Santa Claus because she delivered another box of books today. The Mistress is mighty happy about this. Overnight friends from overseas bought adult books, which also pleased the Mistress. She hopes they will, like others, leave a review and tell us what they think of the book.

Today, she Googled her name and was surprised by what she found. It's fascinating, she says. She wonders who put this stuff there. Just as well, it is true, she says. The stuff that used to be on there has disappeared. It may be old news now. 

The Mistress is a Gnome Queen.

A Gnome Queen, fancy that. It is up here in print. Now I have heard of everything. 

I have heard that I can sit on the agent's motorbike on Monday and can't wait. He also wants a copy of our book. Crickey, there is a vast boxful here. A neighbor came and bought one, too.

These humans had a cheek this morning and put the Gnomes in boxes. They are in the garage waiting for the Grandson to wrap and pack appropriately. The Mistress worries that it could be a miserable day when he is here and does not want him to get wet or cold. 

When they went out, some of us went to investigate and jeepers; we will have a ball tonight while they sleep. Now we have to learn to use that heat pump as it is jolly cold out there during the night. The only problem is climbing up to the roof. We can hatch a plan somehow. If not, they can run in here to play. I also looked around the garden, and it was all bare. Only the lawn mower man is there. The place needs more color, she says. All we can see is lots of little stones. Oh well, too bad she announces.

His Lordship cooked dinner tonight. The Mistress was a bit off-color color, so he took over. She thinks she will keep him on. Chicken schnitzel, cauliflower, pumpkin, and spud with gravy. Yummy, I heard her say, and he, too, says he is a great cook. I would call this skiting. 

26/6/24

News Flash 

My First Book

Over 26,000 people have hit the blog!! World wide.

Wow, that's amazing. The Mistress is delighted that we have entertained everyone who reads the blog. A vast and hefty box arrived today, and we will autograph copies she sells from home. She even reckons they will make great Christmas gifts. Hey, it's only 6 months until Christmas.

Book 2 is being edited, and book 3 will start whenever we sell this place. We are waiting for the children's book to arrive in early July.

His Lordship didn't go south today. It is very wet underfoot, and it is not good to play golf. Just as well for the Mistress, as there was a village lunch today, and they would both attend. 

While they were out, we all decided to jump up and down on their bed as the sheets were off and in the wash. It's much better for jumping when the covers are not on. We got such a high bounce that we almost went out the window. This would not be funny if we ended up through the glass. That Mistress would get rather grumpy, and this would not be good. I doubt His Lordship would be happy, either. I haven't heard him growl before. I suspect he knows how!!! He is a quiet, gentle fella and very placid, she reckons. I do know he tells her to stop worrying. He goes with the flow in life and says it is the easiest way to be. I think he could teach her a thing or something. 

Luckily, we were just back in our places before they came home. Now I have heard that some gnomes will disappear soon. Whatever is going on, I ask, and I am told nothing. I shall tune in and see what I can find out. They can be quite secretive at times these humans, and I do not think it is at all fair. 

I heard about a motorbike our agent had in front of his office. Now I would like to ride this thing. I'd like to know if I can bend his arm and get this ride. I like motorbikes, as I have been on a three-wheeled trike up in Picton with a friend and the Mistress. It was so much fun with the wind blowing my hair. These ladies loved the ride and would like to do this again. 

I hear the agent uses this bike in the summer when he has open homes. A great gimmick. Oh, I do want a ride, pleeezzze.

25/6/24

Well, not much is happening around her these days. It is high time we were on the road and had our permanent holiday. What are these humans doing about this terrible dilemma, I wonder? That agent has people interested, and then they change their minds. I can tell you that Gnomes are like the Mistress and decide very quickly. This has annoyed her no end. 

It appears it is not meant to be, as the stars are not aligned. How on earth did she come up with this line, I wonder. Wisdom, she announces.

His Lordship appeared yesterday, and it is about time, too. The Mistress had missed him dearly, and by the heartfelt greeting she got, it was clear that he missed her just as much. Oh, Mushy mushy, their bond is truly special. 

He has had a few jobs to do around here, as the place is falling apart. He completed the rest of the list today, and now, she is happy. Then he goes away again tomorrow. Oh well, I guess they will be permanently together in our new caravan one day. 

Now, this winter weather is doing little for her morale. She reckons it is depressing, as so little sunshine does not make her happy. I am sorry to say, Mistress, but there are still a couple more months of winter. Spring may be the moving time around here. The Mistress likes the spring. She adores the flowers blooming after a long winter. I see there is a very pretty freesia blooming at the front door. A white, which looks so pure and angelic, she has thought about bringing it into the house, but it is the only one and will not last for long with the heat pump going. I am glad she left it out because my mates are looking after it. They are also watching the buds not far from blooming either.

A freesia

The Mistress loves freesias and will miss seeing them when she leaves this place. My mates also like the perfume they create. They get on a high when this blooms. They zoom around the lawn like crazy. I have also known them to throw dirt at the window when they know the humans have gone out. They try to get my attention. We head out to watch them play silly buggers. I shall refrain from smelling these, as someone has to have their wits about them. The Policeman out there holds the gate shut so they do not escape. Thank goodness they are too far gone, in the head, to remember where the escape route is. 

I would instead get into His Lordship's plonk. But this is always under lock and key, and we have given up looking for the key now. He has well and indeed planted it somewhere away from our eyes. He is a smart cookie, this fella. The Mistress always says he did not come down in the last rain storm.

 23/6/24

The Mistress left the house this morning after leaving it ready for the agent. She had been gone several hours, and there was no indication as to when she would be back. I say what a day to go out, as it has hardly stopped raining all day. My mates outside will get their annual clean, as they cannot duck for cover like me. I run away as soon as the Mistress takes me to the bathroom. I have a dislike for water; in fact, I am allergic to it! That is my story, anyway!

My mind was elsewhere when that agent turned the key in the door. He startled me as time had slipped away. We had a brief conversation before potential buyers arrived. One of them comments, oh, it's too small. Now, what on earth do they expect? Downsizing means just that. The other seems intrigued but needs time to ponder. No time for pondering; we need to hit the road. I am weary of waiting, and humans these days take an eternity to decide. Perhaps it's a generational thing! 
One thing that's become clear to me is the mistress's decisive nature. She doesn't waste time on indecision. Once she's made up her mind, that's it; she's off and running. It's the other humans who complicate matters, procrastinating and driving the Mistress to the brink of insanity. The signs are all there, but these people seem blind to the obvious, unable to see the forest for the trees. 

Gnomes make instant decisions. Whatever the issue, it is straight before us; we just get on with it. This is why The Mistress just clicks with Gnomes. No beating around the bush. I am still determining about His Lordship. He doesn't count his chickens before they are hatched. He has to steady his darling sometimes. He is a very patient and has taught his darling to slow down and stop jumping ahead. At least she gets the job done! I could get into trouble here, but thank goodness he isn't here to see or hear.

The Mistress made a dreadful noise, getting out this strange thing that I do not see much of. She had to explain that it was an ironing board. I haven't seen this thing for years. She plugged in this strange-looking thing that she pushed over a denim jacket. She reckons it irons out the creases. I have to believe her; this is something else I have learned today. She reminded me that when she worked, the ironing board was out often. So why does she not need to use the iron in retirement? No uniform, she says. 

Does she think that this vast ironing board is going in the caravan? I thought we were not taking so much stuff in the caravan because there was no room, and His Lordship was worried about the weight. I bet he blows a gasket when he realizes how much she has packed. The Mistress announces that, no it's not coming with us. Phew, thank goodness for that. 

with these conversa w

22/6/24 

The bossy human that lives here has kept me from reporting the daily events that go on here. A lot is happening here, and I don't appear to be in the loop with these conversations. Living here, I would have thought that whatever was going on was family matters and that I was part of this family, or so I thought. Oh well, like all things sometimes, it is really tough being a mere Gnome. Like it or lump it, she says. Huh....is all I say.

Yesterday, a lady appeared with the agent when the humans went out. I have seen her before. She quite likes this place, and I wish she would hurry up and buy it because we are on a mission to get on the road with this caravan. This process takes so long, and I am fed up with these delays, but it appears to be the human world where time is an important factor. Gnomes have a totally different way of dealing with things. We just jump to it and get on to the next project. 

Procrastination is a wasted opportunity. Life would be so much simpler if we didn't have these situations. This is where humans are just weird. Seize the moment, I say.

Moonshine has been at it again with his silly jokes. I wish he would find another book, as he can come up with good ones that crack us all up. We enjoy a good belly laugh and can't wait until he finds more books. These humans here always joke with each other and laugh a lot. His Lordship often fishes, and the Mistress bites hard, then he sits there and laughs at her expense. This tactic I must use myself. He calls it going fishing and gets her hook, line, and sinker!

We tried to go out and play in the garage last night, but opening the door and stepping in there, feeling the cold, made us come straight back in. Going outside was also off the agenda. I dislike the winter, and I am spoiled with the heat pump. 

I am fortunate; I enjoy these luxuries that my friends outside don't. They do not know anything different. The Mistress often says to count my blessings. She is a wise woman at times, but not when she is bossy.

His Lordship left this morning to play golf and won't return until Monday. He seems to have a very important appointment he has to attend. The Mistress enjoys some peace and quiet around here, but I know they will miss each other. 

19/6/24

Everything here got off to an early start. His Lordship was out of here by 6:30 a.m. Wednesday was golf day, and he had an important job to do very early first. The Mistress rose as he went out the gate. She, too, had an essential job to do. Make a wedding cake. I supervised, as she went about her task. Blimey, you should have seen this vast bowl; she mixed everything together. She could have had a bath in it.

Wow

All cooked

It was a step back  to watch each part of the process. Now, I must report that she used her hand in the last part of the mixing. I hope she washed it first! That mixture was all over her hand and partway up her arm. I thought she was supposed to leave the mixture in the bowl. It was a messy affair if you ask me. Then, putting a handful of mixture into the prepared tin was time. It appears there was no spoon big enough. Then another and another. Into the oven, it went for cooking. She told me that in the old days, before cake mixers, people used their hands for everything in the kitchen. She informed me that her cake mixer could not handle such a big cake. So, after going into the oven, she went out to meet a friend for a cupper. Yeah, High Jinx time. The dish had more Mandarins and apples, so we tossed them around while the cake was cooking. Eventually, we could smell it. It was not for me, I am afraid. Not as unpleasant as the pickle she makes but certainly not pleasant for a mere Gnome. 

The Mistress calls this education learning a lot. Indeed, this is what children do at school, and this house is not full of children, thank goodness, but Gnomes. We can learn only a certain amount before we select what we want to toss out—a bit like selective hearing that His Lordship does. Oh, dear, I may have to start running!

Another task the Mistress completed today was the invitations to the wedding. Jeepers, it is ages away and so organized. She announces that if she sells the house, she will have enough to do with moving out and to the caravan. These were two fewer jobs to be done down the track. Thinking about this now is an excellent idea. She has a few clues upstairs. His Lordship would say she didn't come down in the last rainfall. It may be wisdom from the older generation. 

nda

18/6/24

Overnight, we had a ball with the fruit again. The dish had a small amount, as it's payday today. We mixed them up with ping-pong balls, and everything was flying everywhere. That golfer climbed on the bench and gave a strong hit of anything he could find. He wasn't always a good shot, either, but occasionally, he had a successful hit into the wheelbarrow over the far side of the room. Even a Mandarin landed in front of the sleeping fella. He woke with a fright, and his choice of words would have horrified the Mistress. We had to tell him to be quiet as he could have woken the humans. Trixie pulled the bedroom door closed so they didn't hear us. Soon after, His Lordship got up and walked into the door, wondering why the door wasn't where he had left it.  I guess he thought the Mistress left it that way. Thankfully, when they got up today, no questions were asked. That really was a close call and too close for comfort.

The humans went out shopping today with a very long list. She has a vast cake tin on the bench to make a wedding cake. So, buying the dried fruit was a high priority. Crickey, she made more cheese rolls again. She reckons they could be handy when they shift. Are we shifting soon I asked, and the reply was I don't know? Hmm. I also checked out the bottle and had a sniff. It is almost as sour as that pickle she makes. It is not the stuff His Lordship drinks, either! We hope she puts this in the locked cupboard, as Moonshine could have a blast. I had never seen this label before and asked the name...Sherry, she announces. Really good in a fruit cake, she says. One mouthful and everyone will be pickled. I hope nobody is driving home after it. 

She perched me up high for a good view of this cake carryon. 

Poo, what a smell this sherry is

She nearly knocked me out with the smell of this stuff. His Lordship seemed to approve, and I do not eat this stuff.

I asked her when this wedding was, as I had forgotten. It was on 5 October. It's not far away, she says. So, do I get a new outfit, I wonder? She bounces back with a wait-and-see. 

What will His Lordship wear? The Mistress, too, but she is tight-lipped about this one. All will be revealed on the day.

 16/6/24

The Mistress eventually rose this morning and was served breakfast by her Prince. He also knows to heat the wheat bag each morning to ease her pain. She has him well trained. He doesn't appear to object, either. In fact, he does make her sit and be told if she doesn't. 

It's open home again today. The sun is shining, making the Mistress extremely happy. A spruce-up was required, and the humans had the house looking pretty spiffy.

They went out, and sure enough, the agent unlocked the door, and he waltzed in. It was an exciting day. My lips are sealed. The Mistress goes crook because I sometimes say too much here, and she does her nanna. She is good at it, too. 

She even went out in the cold again tonight. Goodness only knows what she is doing, and when I ask, I get an extremely black look. His Lordship seemed to like her lips, oh mushy stuff. You will never see Trixie and me with this behavior. 

They are pretty happy, these two. She asked him today what he liked about her. What a thing to ask a man, especially this one. He's a shy fella and prefers to keep tight-lipped. The Mistress should know this by now anyway.

The other day, she Googled marriage vows and wrote some down, ready to spring on his Lordship one day. Today was the day, and she read them out for him to choose. He liked them all, but he chose the short one and announced that even that was too long. She definitely was not amused. 

Poor man, but Trixie has had her say on this and she reckons he could do better if he tried. Moonshine had his say, too, and it wasn't good either. It appears His Lordship should do better in this day and age. These are modern days, and the trends have changed. He must think about this, or she will be on his tail.

14/6/24

 The Mistress has been out the door two days by 8.30am. Indeed, we won't have 3 days in a row tomorrow. For goodness' sake, it is Saturday, and I thought she was retired. What on earth could be so important that she has to be out the door. 

I was politely told to M.Y.O.B.  That was cheeky of her. She was in and out several times today, too. I got dizzy just watching her vanish and return. The house got a spruce up, too, but she didn't say why. 

Sure, after one of her absences, the door opened mysteriously. Who could this be? Robbers maybe. Heck, what am I to do now. I don't have a gun, a stick, or a taser. I am trying to think fast, and I have no time to look this up in my books either. Next thing my mate the agent appeared. Phew, such relief. A lady appeared soon after, which confused me; it was not a Sunday. Oh well, we need this house sold, and any day of the week is ok, but the Mistress could have warned me as my stomach did some cartwheels. I am eager to get out on the road and explore. 

15/6/24

Without any warning, I had to leave here, as the Mistress wanted to do something, and whatever it was, it sure was less important than a blog. Argh. Well, I am regularly reminded that I don't contribute to the finances, so I have to do as I am told. It is a tough life being a mere Gnome in this home, I can say to you. 

All was very quiet this morning as the Mistress had a sleep-in, and it was daylight, too. She was rudely woken by the garage door opening. Opening her eyes was a mission until His Lordship appeared, and all was well. He announced it was still raining down there at 5am, thought the ground was too wet to play golf, and wanted to get back to the love of his life. Mushy stuff is going on here. Argh.

Wedding talk is happening here again, so it must be quite a shindig if you ask me. Photos of a ring appeared when a friend popped over. I didn't get the privilege to see, though. The joys of being just a Gnome. I hope someone feels sorry for me soon.

13/6/24

It was an exhilarating morning, with the Mistress up and about early. She was a woman of mystery, always having her own agenda. She paced herself, not a morning person by any means. Crickey, she was out the door at 8:30 a.m., leaving me in a state of uncertainty, not knowing when she would return and fearing the consequences of being caught out again. 

It was another cold morning; everyone gathered around on the floor, and Mr. Wheelbarrow man dumped his ping pong balls on the floor. We all kicked and threw them around, filling the room with laughter and joy. Moonshine, true to his name, preferred telling jokes while we played. Sometimes, we rolled around the floor, our sides aching from laughter. The guys on the see-saw fell off with a tremendous thud. They were very slow at returning to the see-saw, and I hope they didn't break any bones. Eventually, all was well, but they were not as vigorous as before.

The golfer, a man of questionable ethics, took a potshot at the sleeping man. To our surprise, he didn't stir, not even after several attempts. We were left to wonder, why does this man sleep so profoundly? I delved into my books for answers, but all I found was a hint of his possible age, a mystery yet to be solved.

Eventually, The Mistress found her way home, and she was buzzing. I wondered what she was on because I wanted some! She caught up with two friends separately, as these two didn't know each other. One is from Tauranga, and she has published a book, too, so these friends have much in common. They only had an hour, so they made the most of their time. It sounds like the Mistress learned something, too, but she will not share this private information.

The next stop was to see her friend at "The Cup" cafe up the hill. These two mates talk and talk with hilarity and laughter. The owner they got to know, and she checked that all was well with their food and drinks. She gave them refreshed hot water, and her service was excellent, as always. These two like the view over Christchurch, too. Goodness only knows how many times these two pop up there. The Mistress discussed/hatched a plan with her about her book, so watch this space.

The Mistress really cares about her friends, and these two are always planning something. How will they get on when we travel in the caravan? There will likely be lots of phone calls.

The other thing she is buzzing about is that the Agent phoned to say someone is coming tomorrow afternoon, and he has had some phone calls of interest. No wonder she is happy. I shall have to check them out. 

12/6/24

A lot is going on here, and now there is a wedding to plan, which, of course, The Mistress has everything under control. Yesterday, these humans were in and out like Yoyos. An all-in-one ring has been purchased, and she is chuffed about this. She is not allowed to wear it until the wedding, although I have seen her look at the photos a few times. They also met the celebrant and were delighted with their choice. For some reason, he seems to know a fair bit about me. I hope they tell him that I am the star of this show. I want to be up close and participate to avoid missing anything. 

Argh, a photographer is coming; I hope they know that my poses for the camera are always perfect, as I have had plenty of practice. Gee, I hope this fella knows what he is taking on. She can be quite a handful at times. 

It's minus 4 today, and His Lordship had to clear his window screen before he set off on his golf day. I am so glad I live inside and get spoiled with the heat pump, but I do shiver through the night because they turn it off. Trixie tells me to think of our friends outside, which will warm me up knowing they are frozen. Thank goodness the sun is rising here, and I recall the Mistress saying that the moon was on his back when they came home, which means a frost overnight. She wasn't wrong on this. A wise woman, maybe!

On Monday, her aunt, uncle, and their family delivered a bunch of flowers to celebrate their engagement. The Mistress was chuffed when she opened the door. She thought they were from the lover boy, but nope, the card revealed who it was. It was a lovely gesture, she felt. 

More Mandarins were bought yesterday; you can guess what we did overnight. The golfer was pretty stroppy with his stick, and one went under their bed. He got tangled up in the duvet and couldn't escape. The humans stirred as he thought he had woken them, so he waited until they settled. His Lordship heaved the duvet up, so he must have got cold. With all this heaving, the golfer fell to the floor. He was a stunned mullet and needed to rest before returning to the living area. He reckons he saw the stars for a while, but what would he know about the stars. He always has golf on his brain.

 10/6/24

It was a day of contemplation, relaxation, and laughter. These humans, and one in particular, spend a lot of time texting or on other digital contraption. She is still busy organizing a wedding. She is trying to tell the love of her life that if they sell this house, she will not have time to arrange a wedding; hence, her organizational skills are going full bore now. It is less to worry about later. She has a method in her madness and prefers to reduce the stress load. Now I can understand this, so why can't he be a mere male and understand a basic fact. You see, I know female psychology better than he does. 

She is a bit worried about the menu, but she will no doubt get this sorted to her liking. The younger generation prefers plainer food, and the current menu does not do it for her. Crickey, I have seen the list, and there seem to be some young ones attending, and their taste buds are a bit different, she reckons.  

She has even sorted the music. I thought this was his problem. She pulled some out and said what da ya reckon. He either gave a yeah or nay. She could see this was in his too-hard basket and wanted to leave until nearer the time, but this was not good enough for her. It is now or never. Her theory is that they will be busy leaving if this house sells. Having all these things done means she can breathe and enjoy her nuptials. 

I had better not comment on this for fear of letting the male species down. 

 

8/6/24

It is great being back in the warm house with that heat pump. My poor friends outside do it tough but are well used to the changing elements. I watched His Lordship today as his darling went out for the morning. He didn't feel great last night, so he decided to stay and keep The Mistress company. Strange, I say, as he is a golf man, and it is Saturday. He must have been sick.

He vacuumed and was ready for tomorrow's open house. Now, there is less to do. Great work. Moonshine has been a natural pest today. He has told jokes all day, and luckily, His Lordship is a bit deaf and doesn't hear everything. 

I have been mulling over yesterday's protest. It was exciting, and some people wanted to buy some of us. What a cheek. We were mighty pleased the Mistress said, sorry but not these are not for sale.

9/6/24

The Mistress here forced me to get off this contraption yesterday, just when I was getting the hang of it. She can be so bossy, it's quite annoying. The humans went out for dinner last night, which meant it was our time to explore and stir up some mischief. The dish had all sorts of fruit, so we had a ball kicking them around the floor. We made sure to clean up everything in case they came home and caught us. All was going well until the Mistress found a mandarin on the floor under the table. She did wonder, but luckily, she thought she might have knocked it herself. Phew, close call!

It was open home day, and another fella turned up, as the agent had another open home simultaneously. I was extremely pleased to see two lots of people interested in looking around. They are lovely people, and I can see them living here. We promise we won't leave any Gnomes here for the next person. The Mistress would not want to lose any, that is for sure. 

I overheard a conversation tonight about His Lordship buying his wedding trousers. The Mistress is mighty pleased about this, I can tell you. He says she looked at ties, too, but not today. She wants to take the hems up as he bought a pair of blue and a pair of black for a reasonable price. Looking at ties was too much for this poor fella. Another day, he reckons. We just do not rush this man, she reckons. 

The jewelry shop had a sale, and they entered to take a good look. I hear they both liked one, but they were gutted that not getting the right size would have made it weaker and not last the distance. Crickey, we can't have this. I am not allowed to say anymore here because I could get into trouble again.

7/6/24

Seized the opportunity to promote my book 

Life started for this human family early today as they were on duty for this protest. This meant the house had risen, and she slowly did it with her back, always allowing extra time for her slowness. I am shaking in my boots because I will be the show's star. The Mistress reminded me I had done this at a public speaking engagement. Once the gray matter settled, I can recall this. 

9am and we were off; his Lordship had warmed the car for his darling, put four cartons, chairs, placards, and lunch in the car, and raced off in our speedy machine. The only problem was I was put in this box too, and I have a vast dislike for confined spaces, a fear that stems from a traumatic incident when I was forgotten in a box at a friend's house. The mistress and a friend know about this issue from the past. She left me at her friend's down south and forgot to take me back to our home in Christchurch. I was posted back into her arms a few days later, and I never wanted to see the insides of another box. That lady was so cruel, and I thought she was a friend. Huh.

We arrived in the frost and sunshine, the crisp air biting at our noses. Her friend came too, for help and support. We were all plonked down on a ledge, the cold stone seeping through our plastic bodies. We were told to smile at the people, and our frozen smiles were in stark contrast to the warmth of the protest. This show was outside and no heat pump to keep us warm. Those humans had wooly hats, scarves and thick jackets on and no thought for me who normally lives on the shelf in the warm. Placards were beneath our feet, their messages a testament to the protestors' passion. It was interesting watching the humans in conversations with the Mistress. People admired me, the star of the show, of course, and took photos. Ensuring I smiled to everyone was essential to the Mistress; had I not, I could have ended up back in the box.

The humans who stopped were interesting; some thought we were all for sale. Who do they think we are? The Mistress paid a lot of money for us and hopefully wasn't about to part with us either. Anyway, I want to go on that caravan and tour NZ with them. I just need to make sure His Lordship knows that I sit on a cushion with a seat belt on, and my job is to look out for the red and blue lights. 

Now, I watched his Lordship suffer today. The things she made him do bored him out of his tree. He is in no hurry to do this anytime soon. She was given some exciting contacts today and is mighty chuffed about this. That Mistress said he wasn't in the tree above and shivering in his chair. A shame the media didn't show up after her efforts in contacting them. I heard him say to her friend that he was missing golf. Now she knows that he was fed up with it the other day and wanted to sell his gear. 

He changes his mind like the wind, I reckon! She wants him to continue this sport as it is good for him. 

6/6/24

Now available on Amazon

News flash, we are up and running with this book.  At long last, the Mistress says. It has been a challenge, and let's hope people enjoy a laugh. The Mistress wants people to fill in a review and advise if they want me to continue to write. The second book is currently being Edited, and a third book, promising even more excitement, starts when we get on the road. I hear the second book is relatively large, Crickey. The Mistress loves the cover on both books. That fella who designed it deserves a medal I reckon. 

The Mistress won't show me the cover of book two. Gee, she is really mean sometimes. I hope her fella knows what he takes on when he marries her. The date is set, and this is also not for my ears. Humans are so complicated and mean, but she advises that if I am unhappy, there is the door. The cheek of her. I shall call a meeting with my mates and protest with our placards. That should cause a stir. The secrecy around the second book's cover is intriguing, isn't it?

His Lordship arrived back today, and he is no doubt supposed to help tomorrow. I am not sure he is happy about this, as he is a shy fella. I reckon the Mistress will not allow him to sit around, and I shall keep an eye on him and watch what exactly he does. 

They must be staying a while as I hear the flask has been found at her friend's, which is in storage for the caravan. She will fill it with hot water. This all sounds well organized, and this is what the Mistress does. She is always on the ball after all the wedding is sorted out already, and I have heard who is doing each job. He only proposed a few days ago. But my lips are sealed, as some do not know yet. I shall keep my ears tuned in. 

So, what does she have in store for us? Surely, she is not taking any other Gnomes as I am the star of this show. I'm curious about what we will all be doing, but I have been informed that everything will be revealed closer to the date. 

Overnight, while the Mistress slept, we played very quietly with the pin-pong balls. The aim was to stay on the carpet so there would be less noise in case she woke up. The odd one escaped at a fast pace and Trixie ran in to see if the Mistress was asleep. We do enjoy playing with these as they are our size. 

 5/6/24

Then, the mistress seemed very serious about the protest. How many will turn up? She says there could be 5, 500, or 5,000. But what if there is more? She said she would be delighted, which would mean a successful protest.

The banners are done, and she has found more people to attend, as well as another notice on Facebook. Gosh, it could be cold for us fellas. Are you taking the heat pump with us? Jeepers, I got a NO. Like it or lump it, she announces. But I am not used to the cold wind, and the forecast says cloudy.  Toughen up, she announces. His Lordship has a wooly hat; maybe I should wear this. 

The Mistress got four boxes of Gnomes packed up today, ready for Friday. She can't possibly take the 418 she has as it's just too hard on her back and too much for her darling when there are no car parks. As it is she has a trolly if he needs it. She reckons we have to look after him as he has a wedding to attend. 

She went out today for a while, so we went to see what was happening in the neighborhood. We noticed the birds have had a great time in the garden, pecking at the lawn and lifting the lawn out of the ground. We are glad she doesn't think it was us because she sprinkled black pepper around when she came home. I just wish I could see how a bird sneezes.

We know how the humans sneeze because Mistress crossed her legs one day during this action. As for His Lordship, he goes on and on with his, then has a sit down to recover. 

Gosh, I do get sidetracked here. So, while the Mistress was out, we climbed the fence far away from Mr. Policeman and looked around. We waved to him once we got over to the common area. He just could not work this out. We had a ball climbing the trees and swung around like monkeys. Following the road was fun; we had to duck for cover when a car entered the complex. We didn't want to be seen, as the gossip would start. We went to the big gate, and there was a huge hill to go down, so we decided not to do it today but would do it another day. 

Slowly, we tottered back via our secret escape root, and now we found this: You never know where we could end up.

4/6/24

Jeepers, the Mistress, was on the ball today. She had a long list of things to do, two appointments, and many phone calls, and she helped a neighbor in distress. 

They were away all day, so my friends decided to head outside. The sun was out, enjoyable for my friends, and we had a ball out there. We were trying to find the leaves, put them in a pile, and run through them. Usually, this is so much fun, but there were no leaves. Looking up at the tree, we saw that it was now empty. 

The humans are delighted about this as they were causing an extra job to do before an open home. We attempted to get out of that gate again. Mr. Policeman had his own views on this. As always, he has a lot to say on the matter. Bribery didn't work, that was for sure. He got wise to one of us distracting him, so that plan failed, too. 

We may have success next time. His Lordship is getting ready to return to his home tomorrow, and the Mistress is ensuring he returns for Friday's protest. He wouldn't dare forget because he could be in serious hot water. 

A little birdie informed me that their wedding plans are starting to take shape, and a date may just have been made. I must listen harder or search through all her paperwork around her chair. 

Watch this space for more progress on our book. I believe she has ordered a rather large boxful, or maybe several boxes. I wonder how many could be in each box. Maybe 20 or could it be 50? She is getting pretty excited now, so thank goodness we have a happy Mistress. 

 3/6/24

This Mistress never stops. She has informed the media about her intentions for June 7th and is complaining to the government about how much the pensioners get from this so-called budget. She wants every pensioner to join her in Christchurch Cathedral Square.

 The paint has been selected, and cardboard banners are ready for a splash of paint. She hopes for a good turnout to support her with banners. Maybe a loudspeaker would help. 

His Lordship is not too impressed with this, and I wonder if he will get out of this anytime soon. She needs him to carry my mates, who will be tucked into boxes. She even has a trolly to save his back and hers. I have to look after these pensioners, as they are planning a wedding to add to their extensive list of things to do, plus their extreme concern about pensioners' income.

That Facebook thingy has been busy the past two days, with many people congratulating them on their significant announcement. She didn't realize how many friends she had. His phone has pinged all this time, too. 

By the sound of things, wedding plans are underway, too. She has not rested her brain from all that is going on around here. His Lordship is a man of few words and extremely hard to get answers from. A simple Yes or No is just too much for him. His task is to sort the background music.

We're making progress on our book and hope it will be available on Amazon before or by the end of this week. So, watch this space. It sounds like the Mistress is ordering some books, too, as a lot of friends don't have the internet. Her poor daughter has been working hard to complete the complicated stuff online for Amazon.

We will advise you here about her book on Amazon.

 2/6/24

Well, jeepers, I have some news. These humans are always up to something. Some extra humans, his daughter, husband, and grandson, arrived for dinner last night; hence, I had no show of sitting here to write. Now, something happened here, which I am still trying to understand. The Mistress sorted drinks for everyone and sat down. His Lordship rose from the depths of his chair, got down on one of his sore knees, and asked The Mistress to marry him.

Will you be my wife and marry me?

Tears and laughter, pure expressions of love and joy, erupted, and hugs all around. I noted that there were no hugs for me, but it is not normally a gnome thing. I heard the Grandson announce what an engagement meant when the Mistress asked him. He explained it beautifully for me to understand. They thought I didn't see anything, but I had a prime view from my position on the shelf, seeing His Lordship on bended knee. 

My understanding is that the next event is a wedding. Well, I have news for them: I will be attending this event either by hook or by crook. I am not so sure His Lordship is happy with this, but I know her, and she will get her way. She usually does anyway.  Do not tell her this; she could leave me at home.

Today, she is compiling a concise list of people attending this event. There is chatter about where and when, and it sounds like it could be soon. Blimey, is she pregnant to have such a quick event?

But they are selling this house, so does she think she needs more on her plate here?  I reckon knowing her as I do, she will cope. She appears to be an organizer and gets the job done. I sit here frequently and watch the brain cogs churning in her quiet moments. 

Her phone has been red hot today, letting people know this astounding news. The screams in the background have made it attractive to sit here and try to take all this in. I may need a lie down soon just to process this knowledge I have gained in the past twenty-four hours. 

Jeepers, I hope they are not expecting me to propose to Trixie. Gnomes do not do engagements or weddings except to attend these two human events. The Mistress tells me it is only sometimes that a gnome gets to attend such an occasion