27 /2/24

Now these humans just took off and didn't come home for 4 days. Where do I lay a complaint around here? I don't think his Lordship wears the pants around here either, so I suppose I would have to address the Mistress. This could get tricky I feel, and I am shaking in my boots already. Just who do they think they are. I usually go with them if they go away, but not this time. They have their heads in the clouds these two at times, so I don't think it is fair, that I wasn't consulted. 

It has been very difficult for us to do anything in case they came home and caught us out. Moonshine just keeps saying "to pot with them and just carry on". Crickey this is very brave of him. He has a short memory as to how grumpy the Mistress can get when telling us off. I guess it could be different as he stopped trying to find the alcohol cupboard key, and no Gnomes would help him to get into the fridge.

The first day, we played with the ping pong balls on the floor and sometimes outside for a short time, then packed up in case they came home. We often walked around the garden talking to the other chaps too. Sitting on the grass and having a great old chin wag, and of course, Moonshine's jokes just, kept coming, causing so much hilarity we almost bust ourselves. 

These fellas outside have wondered how this weirdo got to live here. They are wondering if any more appear here one day. Will they be the same as him? I couldn't answer them. My guess is time will tell. Our Mistress is capable of anything!! 

I still don't know what kind of books he reads either. I have shown, him mine, but he needs to show more interest in them, because a lot are, about understanding humans, and I doubt he wants to know and will just process everything as it comes along. Not a bad way to be I suppose. Maybe I should take a lesson out of this. 

As each day and night passed and not a sign of the humans, we decided to heck we will just carry on doing our thing whatever that may be. Most of us are pretty p......... off that they didn't take me with them.

Huh, they arrived home today, with the Mistress being full of apologies and has assured me that I am going on the next wee holiday, which is next week. It appears they looked after a small farm at Doyleston for His Lordship's brother. They even had chooks with babies, roosters, horses, and 2 cats. Oh, I wish I had been out there, to see these little chicks. I haven't seen any babies before. Too late now that is for sure. 

The Grandson met them out there and stayed one night with them. I am so jealous that he got to go there. It is a tough life being a Gnome. I hear he likes killing flies and did a good job too. They even took him fishing. Oh, it is so not fair. 

The next we, holiday is also looking after another farm for a week and leave, here next week and stay in his Lordship's caravan. I can't wait. She better remember to take me or there could be trouble. 

Not knowing what day, they would come home meant they caught us outside playing with the ping-pong balls. They didn't seem to mind though. It was good to see them, and she even set the computer up for me.

 

This is how they caught us out here bouncing balls everywhere and having lots of fun. 

21/2/24

Everyone was up early today, and His Lordship left early too.  Things to do he says. The Mistress seems to have more stamina these days at times. Sometimes she conks out for a while then gets up and into action. Blimey it has been a while since I have seen this, so she must be feeling better. Now she doesn't always let me on here, so I have to, wait for my opportunities. 

The Mistress went to Croquet again today, for one game she reckons. She doesn't want to overdo it. By the sounds of it, she must have got some goals today. This surprised her as she hadn't played much for a few months.

The Mistress went out tonight and at breakneck speed, we heard the garage door open, and off to our places on the shelf. We were re-counting the Gnomes in front of the TV. The silly twits tried to count themselves and got into a terrible mess. For a start, they can't count. Then I had to teach them. Moonshine came to lend a hand, but all he could do was tell jokes and they were falling all over the place. A proper dog's breakfast if you ask me.

22/2/24

Moonshine continued his jokes when the Mistress went to bed. The barrel fella was rolling around the floor as if he was drunk. That head of his is on a spring and as he laughed the more hilarious it looked. I had to quieten them, because I saw the Mistress moving about in her bed and thought she might get up and see us. They didn't listen, either and, eventually, she came out in the dark. OMG, we are shaking in our boots. She must have thought someone was at the door. She didn't dare open it as His Lordship wasn't here. Crickey we were worried someone could have knocked her on the head and then start on us. Not hearing noise, she went back off to bed. Phew that was close. She would have seen us on the floor if she had turned the light on.

What would she have done if she did hear a noise again? Goodness she may have phoned the Police, then, what would happen to us? Oh heck, it is a tough life being a mere Gnome. 

From time-to-time Winkle won't be able to do his blog for the next few weeks. He will be back on here regularly in the future and all will be revealed as to WHY....soon!! So, watch this space.....he will be back. 

 19/2/24

What a joke this morning. These two humans were sorting their pills at the kitchen table at the same time. She commented that this is what oldies do these days. Then announces she has a big birthday this year. Hey, this sounds like she will be really old. Oh dear, I might start to hide or run!!

The Mistress has been painting Gnomes again today. I saw she got more paint on herself. All up her arms and everywhere. Her apron was wet with paint, and she put a white angel against it. His Lordship had been repairing its wings. Part of it turned blue very quickly. I saw her put it under running water very quickly and the blue was gone. His Lordship was trying to get the old glue off so he could re-glue. She thinks this could take a while. Good things come to those who wait. She has learned to have patience. 

20/2/24

This afternoon we were alone again so we had to come up with a plan of what we could do and pack up quickly. Trixie suggested we count the gnomes and their friends. The Mistress had lost count and we thought we would start counting. Some of these fellas were counting their toes too and didn't have enough to continue and wondered what to do. Jeez they tested my patience, but when we got to 99 I couldn't figure it out. Oh heck. We discussed what to do now, and decided we would start again at number 1 and continue to the next 99 and that fella would say 2 times 99, and core blimey another 99, so that was 3 times. Oh, more to count. 4 times 99 and counting, there were more on the table in the garage, after we counted the ones inside, so another 18. 

When the humans came home, I had to ask what comes after 99, the Mistress said 100. That is three numbers. Oh, my brain hurts. It is a tough life being a Gnome. The Mistress says the total is now 418 Gnomes and friends. There are rabbits, birds, kiwis, dogs, pigs' owls, birds, meerkats, snails, ducklings and frogs galore. 

I also need to report that we are going to have 17,000 hits on the blog this week. 

18/2/24

Moonshine is skating on thin ice around here. I caught him trying to get into the fridge. He tried and tried, and nobody would help him. He needs to grow a foot or two taller. Because nobody would help him, he gave up in disgust.  He reckons he saw His Lordship putting his beer in the fridge. Stupid man, he should have hidden it while putting it in there. That fella doesn't miss a beat. I will be keeping an eye on him, as I do not trust him. 

Thank goodness the rest of the alcohol is under lock and key and he still hasn't found it yet. These humans cleaned up outside this afternoon. The Mistress had to slow down and get His Lordship's help. They had been out to goodness knows where and she was tired and wanted the area tidy from the winter leaves that were still hanging around. She is very pleased as now the area looks great. 

His Lordship also sorted her hose sprinkler system for her. She says he has to earn his keep and is glad that a male brain can sort these technical things out for her. Earn his keep is strong words.

There is a Gnome door stop at the front door, now he has to earn his keep too. He is constantly holding the door open in the daytime and some evenings too when the weather is warm. Some days when the humans are in and out, that Gnome doesn't know whether he is Arthur or Marther. He gets kicked around a bit and he is getting very tired of this treatment. The Mistress says that this is his job, and he is to like it or lump it. Everyone here has their rolls to play.

16/2/24

What a night we had, trying to find the ping pong balls in the garage. They had been tossed in all directions and were found in all sorts of strange places. It took many hours to find them but each time we did we then had a play. So, this took all night. The Gnomes on her painting bench joined in on the fun too. We had a great old time. 

Moonshine is really enjoying living here as we do all sorts of things, and he is making friends with everyone. Actually, he was the one to find most of the balls and took them to the wheelbarrow. The Mistress was pretty pleased to see them all back where they belonged this morning.

17/2/24

That Mistress stopped me from being on this computer last night.  Gee, she is so mean at times. I was on a roll when she rudely interrupted me. Now she reckons if I contributed to the running of this house then I would have a say. She can be so mean, and I am unsure where I can go to put in a complaint. I shall have to have a chat with the rest of the gang. Moonshine says to have a word with His Lordship. That is all very well, but at times he has to do as he is told too. Even more reason to complain I say. Maybe he could guide us as to where to go. We will have a deep and meaningful conversation when she is not around. The only thing is he is not fast at coming forward either, but I better be careful here or I could be out on my ear.

I have been hearing some conversations tonight about these humans doing some farm sitting. Two farms where their owners are going away and they want someone to feed the animals. So now I wonder if they take me. Trixie says stinky farms ooh no she would rather stay at home. Women, what's wrong with them these days? 

I believe it is next week they are going to Doyleston.  They also have the Grandson for the night next Saturday so his parents can go away. The Mistress is sure he will enjoy farm life and feels he will probably run after the chooks. They seem to wander in the gate if they can get away with it, so I hope they remember to close it. This place belongs to His Lordship's big brother. 

Then the following week, it's down to just past Hinds. I guess they know how to find these places, so I shall enjoy the ride then the experience. I'm getting rather excited now. There will be a whole heap of trouble if they leave me behind. 

15/2/24

There have been some strange noises happening around here the past two days. It took so long to figure this out. I noted The Mistress looking up outside, and then she went out in the car.  So, it was time to investigate this noise. Some of us here, inside stumbled out the door all at once, and this caused absolute mayhem. We waited around and eventually, we looked up and there were 2 small planes going backwards, and forwards over our house. We lost count as to how many times they did this. When the Mistress came home, I asked her what is going on? It appears that the Port Hills are on fire and these planes are helping to put the fire out. Phew, I thought they could drop a bomb, so we didn't hang around for long out there in case they did.

Thank goodness the Mistress put us right. It must be a huge fire, and yes, the Mistress agreed. Everyone is worried about it as it's close to houses, and people have left their homes and staying elsewhere. 

I heard the Mistress talking about having her independence back and is allowed to drive the car again. It sounds like she is really enjoying this and went window shopping down at the Hornby Mall, as this gave her a good walk in the cool air conditioning. She met a friend down there too so a good excuse to stop and have a cupper together.

I also heard that she intends to go to Croquet on Saturday. Gosh, things are getting back to normal again. It is months since she played. I wonder if she remembers how to play!! Gee, I better start running, as that was rather cheeky of me! 

Last night we went back out to the garage and gathered up all the ping pong balls when the Mistress was asleep. We had a play first and the chaps standing on spades used them to make the balls go further. Ahh heck, there are some we couldn't find, and now the Mistress is asking where they are? The wheelbarrow is looking rather empty. Nobody is owning up to this.

Where are the rest of the balls?

14/2/24

 His Lordship went back down south today. So, the house is very quiet, no TV on, and she hasn't even put the radio on. Mind you The Mistress has been in and out the door so many times I am now dizzy. Trixie says it doesn't take much to make me dizzy these days. I am still on edge from the outburst of alcohol intake on Monday, and The Mistress's angry voice when she found us. 

Now Moonshine is determined to find the jolly key to that plonk cupboard. He reckons he is pretty good at sniffing things out as he has had plenty of practice where he came from. All I can say is "Good luck on that one and I am not having anything to do with the plonk ever again. I need to be on the right side of the Mistress because I want to go away again for holidays. I bet Moonshine won't get asked as he is, far too much trouble. 

The Mistress has been pottering around outside today and made the most of the shade around the back and pottered up plants. She even used a trolly to take them around the front, as they were far, too heavy for her. We can't have her busting her foo foo. She is quite chuffed as to what she achieved. Now the branches are gone gave her the freedom to pot up those plants. 

She went out tonight, and as soon, as she was gone the ping pong balls were tipped out of the wheelbarrow and, Gnomes running everywhere. We also headed out to the garage as they ran, well on the concrete floor. The chaps who were, almost finished being painted were ready to join in the fun of the balls going in all directions. High jinks galore was going on. They tell me they are itching to get back outside. A fella fell in a bucket out there too. He had been standing on the table and jumped. It was a long way into it then he couldn't figure how, to get out of it. Oh, my goodness the garage door opened, and the Mistress was back. We scarpered back to our places, but we heard the fella in the bucket calling out very loudly. There was nothing we could do but leave him. The Mistress didn't notice anything including the ping pong balls and shut the door behind her. Phew

13/2/24

Some of us are still very unpopular with the Mistress. She is so grumpy today, but my, guess she has every reason to be unhappy. I heard her talking to His Lordship that we can no longer be trusted when they are not here. Oh dear, I do not like the sound of what's coming. His Lordship said that he will lock the cupboard and hide the key. Even the Mistress won't know where to find it. Oh dear, these humans mean business. We have nobody else to blame, despite telling Moonshine the humans wouldn't be happy. I am sure that now he will realize that humans mean what they say. 

Moonshine is not getting much sympathy today from anyone, and a tough lesson for him. Shopping day today for the humans, and the shopping bags just kept coming in the door. A big job to put them all away. 

There were still bananas needing to be used from the carton last week, so while His Lordship was outside getting rid of branches for Bin Day tomorrow, The Mistress made more muffins. Nice smells wafted past us, and we didn't mind this at all, because it wasn't that other horrid pickle stuff she made over the past few days.

I believe it's Valentine's Day tomorrow and due to His Lordship returning to Ashburton tomorrow, they celebrated it today. They even went out for dinner tonight. I recall the last Valentine's Day the Mistress bought me 2 chocolate roses. I doubt I will be Her's this year. Someone else has taken my place. 

It has been so long for the Mistress to have someone special in her life and now she has found Mr. Perfect!! Not quite one year yet since they met. 

I understand the Grandson's Gnomes that are now finished being painted are going back to their home on Friday. Thank goodness they did not get involved in the drinking session. They had more sense I reckon. What they do at their own house is their problem. I just hope they didn't get any ideas while they stayed here, or we could get the blame if they got into that families' alcohol. 

12/2/24

OMG, we are in trouble today and I am not feeling well at all. The new bloke who tells jokes has got us into a whole heap of trouble. The Mistress is on the wall path and is very angry. The new bloke found some beer and whisky on the floor in the spare room. Oh boy, I reckon he has tasted this stuff before and rather likes it too. It wasn't long before he was falling over himself as it's much stronger than beer and wine. 

These humans told someone on the phone last night that they were going to Akaroa today, and never took me. How rude is this? The Mistress put me on the table ready to go and left me behind. I am not impressed at all. We finally got it out of the new fella what his name was. He had wanted us to guess, but we had run out of ideas. A couple of slurps of that whisky and he let it slip. "Moonshine". Now that's an interesting name that we never would have guessed.

I doubt he will be shining in the morning. He also mixed his drinks and I learned that he should not have done this. The look on His Lordship's face seeing us all over the floor in a state. He too was not impressed. He said they should put all alcohol up high and not down low, and this would stop us getting, into it. Knowing Moonshine, he would stack all our books and climb. Nothing would stop him. He is very strong-willed and full of himself. I am sure he will be in more trouble with the Mistress in the future, and Moonshine says, "so, what she will get over it and we will do this again sometime". 

Crickey I am shaking in my boots and wouldn't dare get into trouble again. I hope His Lordship really hides this stuff, so we do not have a repeat of today. I shall have to hide some books too so that this restricts his climbing. 

11/2/24

Grrr the Mistress has been cooking up a storm again and poo the stink. She tried putting me outside again, but the climate was freezing, and I told her in no uncertain terms that I wasn't going outside. So I went to the garage, which was all very well, but she forgot to close the door. By this time His Lordship arrived. He too said it stunk. The Mistress assured him that he would enjoy the Chow chow. 

He assisted her at times and kept a check on the cooking process, and the bottling too. She always enjoys him helping as he knows what he is doing, and they work well as a team. I did notice he took off for the cleanup process, a typical bloke.

While I was out in the garage, I had a good chat with the fellas that are nearly finished being painted. Four of them stand on spades out in the garden. They think it is tough around here as the Mistress is always wanting the garden dug over. She has bulbs to put in and is eager to finish them as they have work to do. Her expectations are always high and says they too have to earn their keep. 

It is a tough life living here at times, because that Mistress, now that she is feeling better is very motivated and wants things done. I reckon His Lordship will have to get the branches that he cut down to finish cutting up for the bin this week. They wouldn't all fit in last week and they are obstructing the path to the shed. She is sure to be on his tail as he has brought a stronger saw to cut them up from Ashburton.

I do know she cannot get to the potting mix as she is re-doing 3 big pots for outside the gate so any day now, she will announce that today is the day!!

10/2/24

 It is still very quiet around here. The Mistress lapping up the peace, and the radio going quietly in the background. The Mistress reckons it has cobwebs around it from the lack of use. She has been a busy bee in the kitchen chopping vegetables for Chow chow to be made tomorrow. All was going well until I heard an ouch. It appears she thought she would slice some meat into it as well, but the blood needed attention. Off to the bathroom for some plaster and she saw that no meat on her bone was missing, and just slid the skin back. All is well until later when she knocked it and more blood. Just as well her friend isn't here as she would probably have fainted. She took the Mistress out for lunch today, then came home and processed more vegetables, so now the pot is very full. 

More Gnome fun last night with this new bloke. He has so many stories and they just keep coming and the pole dancer ended up on the floor. What a crack up we had watched her pole vault to the floor, which of course meant more laughter. Up on his shelf there is a fella with dumb bells, well they went flying too and knocked over the golfer. Now he is nursing a very sore head today and not at all amused but did enjoy these jokes. I cannot share these as they are only fit for Gnomes. 

Phew there is a drop in the temperature around here. The Mistress has the door closed, so she must be feeling the cool change. Normally the door is open late, but a southerly has arrived to change her routine. 

Today we have been thinking about what we can get up to tonight. So far nobody has come up with any ideas. Probably best not to discuss here for obvious reasons.

9/2/24

The Mistress is on a go-slow day today and I am not at all surprised as she was up to all hours last night and then couldn't sleep. This meant that the Gnome activities were delayed. We were quite anxious that she was still awake and had no sign of sleep. Then she tossed and turned which was a great exercise time for the Mistress. Maybe she is missing His Lordship. Hmm, I wonder. 

This afternoon she painted Gnomes and finished the grandson Gnomes. She is quite chuffed as to how they turned out. I even had a chat with these fellows as they sat and dried after getting a spray to protect them from the weather. They are both looking forward to returning to their home and sitting in the garden, as they have a nice outdoor area to relax in. The mind boggles about the mischief they will get up to out at their place. 

We went out to the garage last night once the Mistress was asleep and climbed on the table for a look around and some high jinks. There was a dish of water for the paintbrushes, and we flicked it around, causing mayhem. The paper on the table was soaked and the Mistress wondered how it got so wet today. 

The Mistress has almost finished some other fellas too. I could see she enjoyed today and made huge progress.  I guess they will be back in the garden very soon. There appears to be another bucket of gnomes soaking in water ready for a proper scrubbing before painting.  I reckon the Mistress is going to be busy for a while yet. 

His Lordship phoned tonight and as usual, the mushy stuff is discussed. It appears he has been a busy fella chopping wood with his brother and was out for dinner tonight with another family. I heard the Mistress tell him that she has enjoyed a quiet house and that it had been peaceful but has missed him terribly. 

8/2/24

We had such fun through the night here on the shelf. The new bloke above me can tell funny stories. He had us almost falling off the shelf and the pole dancer couldn't keep a grip of her pole. She almost pole-vaulted off the shelf.  It is a long drop to the floor, and she would have got very broken. Eventually, she sat in the corner to recover. This fella's stories are hilarious, and goodness knows how he learned them. 

It appears some of his books have these stories in them. Where does he get them from, I wonder. The Mistress nearly caught us laughing when she got up through the night. She even put her head around the corner as if she heard something. We did settle for a while, and then he started up again once she was asleep. I think we will get on just fine, as long as he doesn't find the alcohol cupboard, as I have a gut feeling like the Mistress gets that he could get us into a whole heap of trouble. 

It is so quiet around here. The phone rings from time to time and it is always a mushy call between these two humans. Oh, dear, they do miss each other terribly it appears. I did promise His Lordship that I would keep an eye on the Mistress and am pleased to report she does rest at times then gets up and does some chores. 

She had wanted to do the dusting, but I said why bother, it just comes back again. She looked mighty dangerous with this long thing that she flung around and caused Trixie to sneeze. The fellows on top of the TV were most put out at her moving them around just to get rid of some dust. They like a bit of dust and dirt, actually, most of us Gnomes prefer it. Being clean is no fun at all.

She took off into the bedroom and gave it a go too. Jeepers she is on a roll today. What will tomorrow bring?

7/2/24

It is very quiet around here as His Lordship has gone back south for a few days as Golf is on the agenda and a few odd jobs need doing. The Mistress is enjoying the peace and quiet but is missing him. She reckons absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

She has been pottering around doing small chores, and this afternoon has been out painting. She got more on her hands than on the Gnomes from what I can see. By the way, I am now back on my shelf and my new friend is above me. I am delighted she put him up there, as it is so handy for us to talk. Last night I found out he likes to read stories about the adventures that Gnomes have. They are very different from the adventures that go on around here. I am hoping he will share his books with me. My large collection and variety will be sure to please him. 

Today is rubbish bin day and the Mistress took it very slowly. Neighbors offered to help but the Mistress is a determined woman and prefers to battle on. She thinks it's good for her to do some tasks within reason. Sitting down to rest afterward was pleasing to see. His Lordship would be pleased about this. He told her again this morning that she is looking better.

He has asked a lot of questions about the pole dancer beside him. It took me a while to figure out why the questions. Soon it clicked. Crickey this fella is a fast mover.  No flies on him. I intend to stay out of this situation. I have enough problems of my own to sort out. Trixie will look after her, so she can keep safe. I bet that fella who made that Gnome didn't expect a pole dancer at this house. He hasn't seen the bathroom yet, and the nude gnome on the toilet. The topless woman in the pool turned on the charm and almost fell over him. 

My new mate is above us.

6/2/24

Another night outside for me. That Mistress had no intention of taking me back inside last night. Either that or she forgot. These humans are getting old around here and often forget things. 

The Mistress was out in the front garden this morning taking dead flowers off the climbing rose. It was about time too as they were in a shocking condition. Those mates out there were complaining about the state of them. His Lordship came out to keep an eye on her from time to time, and she rested on a chair out there at times. She had him moving big pots too. They are not doing well out there and she's going to change things around.

They came home after a short time out with a huge box of bananas. These humans like bananas but this was ridiculous. Due to her kindness, she gave some to the neighbors. His Lordship wondered what she would do with the rest when she got out of her recipe book.

Fifteen bananas went into a huge bowl and His Lordship was summoned to the kitchen to mash them. He did a great job too. He sits down and leaves the rest to her. Then the smells waft out the door. This new bloke seems to lie around a lot out here and he wondered what was going on in that kitchen. I had to explain that the Mistress is often cooking up a storm because she knows His Lordship will assist her if necessary. He seems to like her cooking and baking, and he is pretty good at it too, especially if she isn't so well. I haven't seen him baking yet, so who knows he may give it a crack too.

Another thing he is a dab hand at is folding the washing. He plonked the basket in front of her and she so politely suggested he do the honors!!! The cheek of her.....she announces that he ate 3 fresh muffins and has to earn his keep. 

I am still at a loss as to what these new blokes read. They seem to talk a lot and not much reading, but they are still settling and getting to know the place. We talked a lot about humans, and at night I took them around the other 399 fellows to meet them. They appear to be thrilled that they have arrived here. They didn't know that this is everyday life and they assured me they would really enjoy learning about life at this house. 

 

5/2/24

 His Lordship had the job of putting the pickle away as the Mistress had a day in the garage painting with the Grandson. Thank goodness I don't have to look at that stuff on the bench anymore. 

Some of his Gnomes needed finishing touches, then a good spray from the lad. He did a mighty fine job too. The Mistress was most impressed with his skills. He liked mixing colors too, and a dab hand with opening tins with a bent screwdriver and then hammering them shut. He wondered what he had struck seeing this screwdriver in such a state. The Mistress says why worry it still does the job ok. Females, I don't know about them, some are strange. You wouldn't see His Lordship with a bent screwdriver, as he would have ditched it ages ago.

Ready to take home

Another chap out there had a spray ready for being outside. He is a reader as well. I have yet to see just what he reads too. I can see many discussions on our topics of interest. 

Another fella who reads

The Mistress left me outside last night with these two new chaps. Now I am not accustomed to the night atmosphere out there, only for short times when I can sneak out while the humans sleep. Anyway, we had a good chat about all the things he needs to know about these humans.  He was quite gob-smacked at all the stories I talked about. Now he is not up to the antics that go on, let alone understand their feelings and emotions. There is so much for him to learn and will take ages. He just doesn't yet understand that humans are so different from Gnomes. 

We also talked about the holiday the Mistress took me on. He literally had no idea what I was talking about. I shall dig up some photos and show him tonight when the humans sleep.

 

4/2/24

His Lordship arrived back to find his darling deep in pickle cooking. She made sure she sat down often and when he told her to as well. Gee, he growled a bit too but did take over at times when required. Now the stink was horrendous, I coughed and coughed and then the sneezing started.  

I demanded she take me outside so I could breathe.

Sitting on the seat outside

Phew fresh air. Oh, this is so nice. I must do this more often. The smell disappeared then they went out for a while and came back with some more Gnomes. Just what we need around here!!

She took His Lordship to the Riccarton Market. He had not been before, and I know she likes this place. The Mistress tells me that a very nice young fella makes these Gnomes and other ornaments. The look on His Lordship's face was priceless. She sat these new fellows beside me and introduced us.

My new friends

Now this fella likes lazing about and reading. I tried to see what his choice of reading was, but I needed help.  I will be sure to find out and just hope it's not like the stuff I put in the recycle bin. The detail on these fellows is really spectacular. Creative Cove Art Studio is the maker, and the Mistress recommends him, in case some other collectors would like to add to their collection. 

I believe he is not always at the market and will be back about October for the Christmas trade. 

Oh, heck they no sooner got home, and the pickle smells started up again, her second batch. Thank goodness I was outside, and these new fellows couldn't believe the stench coming out the door. They were mighty pleased they were not inside. I am so pleased that I don't eat that stuff, she is talking about making a different flavor as a very large cauliflower appeared, and she's now looking at recipes. More stink I suppose. I shall remain outside for the duration. I just couldn't bear to go through that again. 

3/2/24

The Mistress slept in this morning and woke to farewell His Lordship as he was heading to Ashburton to play golf.  It was overcast and rain predicted but he decided it would only be showers. We missed out on last night's storm that was heading north. Goodness knows where that went, but the story has it that the mountains needed it more than Christchurch. We badly need the rain, but it had an agenda of its own.

So, the Mistress had some peace and quiet today. She quite enjoys a quiet house at times but does miss her fella when he is not around. She reckons he likes to head off and do his own thing too. 

A friend popped in to take her out for lunch. They enjoy their catchups and no doubt yack constantly about what they have been up to. The last time she saw her was when she visited the hospital, and the Mistress is looking more like herself now. 

Some of the fellas came inside as soon as she disappeared. Some of them were cold and needed to warm up, so they ran after the ping pong balls tossing them in all directions. Some of them landed in His Lordship's chair and these fellas got a fright because his chair rocked and the look on their faces was priceless when it moved. 

The Mistress returned, had a quick sit down then worked in the kitchen preparing a heap of tomatoes to make Tomato Relish. She processed them for hours and sometimes had a quick sit down before she conked out. I kept reminding her to rest as His Lordship would be on her tail if she was on the floor when he arrived home tomorrow. 

By the looks of the bench, she has 2 batches prepared as she can't fit it all in the big pot. It has to sit overnight apparently so tomorrow is cooking day. Oh No, I have just realized it will probably stink while cooking too. I just might make a run for it tonight, watch this space!

 

2/2/24

Some of these fellas here take huge risks, especially around these humans. They leave things until the last minute to keep out of their way. Sometimes as soon as the light goes off, they come in the door ready for action, when a human wants to use the bathroom.  Jeepers His Lordship hesitated at the door last night, and pure fear kicked in and panic took over. Luckily, he eventually carried on about his business and they breathed a sigh of relief. I noted a funny smoke smell waft in the door, I wondered if those fellas were at it again. There could be so much trouble around here as that policeman at the gate could get some of them taken away or disposed of. 

The humans went out and gave us some peace this afternoon. We went around the back to check on the branches and His Lordship had been out there again cutting things smaller to fit in the bin. This pleased the Mistress immensely. 

We heard today that there is a storm brewing and some mates down south in that little town they call Waimate, had to block their ears from a thunderstorm. This is the lady who put me in a box when the Mistress left me there and went home without me. They seem to think we will get it soon. I hope so as the lawn is so dry it makes prickles on our feet. His Lordship has golf tomorrow down in Ashburton and he is itching to play. But a little birdie tells me he might get a wet tail. Either that or it looks like it will head inland and over the mountains. Rain tonight means we will not get back outside but we have another plan up our sleeve. I don't mind listening to thunder as long as it's not too loud. 

I may have to look after Trixie though as she is terrified of it. So, for the humans if the storm does come this way, they may not sleep much. 

1/2/24

 His Lordship had instructions to wake the Mistress at 8am today. She was sound asleep when she was woken five minutes later. He said she looked so peaceful too and didn't want to disturb her. It's no wonder I say because her light was on then off, on then off. She decided to read for a while, so this meant we were restricted as to what we could get up to. The hours ticked by when she tried yet again. She reckoned it was after 2am.

We waited a while for her to settle, and His Lordship was in dreamland well and truly at this time. The coast was clear, so we headed outside. We were trying to find the kiwis under a bush. She calls them Hydrangea flowers. It is so full of flowers we had to crawl in to find them. I say it is about time she gave these a prune. We counted 5 kiwi and one of them had an egg ready to hatch. These fellas do not like coming out in the daytime and I forgot they were there. I shall drop some hints to the Mistress that this bush needs a tidy-up. Some of the flowers are almost dead. Trixie reminded me of her health status and that maybe it was too soon for her to be getting out there. I shall bide my time on this. The kiwis were happy though foraging in the undergrowth. 

There were also a couple of chaps lying down and couldn't get up again. I think they had passed out on that happy stuff they smoke. They thought we were going to pick them up and stand them on their feet, but I had news for them, and they didn't like it at all. There are two others out the gate and they sit and smoke all day while watching what goes on in the neighborhood. They don't usually pass out because they pace themselves. I reckon they need to teach these others a thing or two. They are younger and more stupid and haven't grown up yet. At least they were not into the alcohol. That was a bonus.

31/1/24

 The Mistress has just said it is February already. Each day is the same for Gnomes. The only thing that changes is the seasons. My aversion to winter is especially the pits. Those fellas and the female version who get around with very little clothing all year round, I just do not understand. I guess I never will either, but it is something to ponder when I don't have anything else to think about. Now this is not often either, because around here there is always something going on for me to get interested in. For some things of course I just shut my eyes, as it is the only way for me to cope. 

These humans have some very strange ideas and habits, and it is just far too much at times. Some things I hear are just not suitable to share. I could get into some serious trouble here if I divulged any information, so best for me to stop right now.

The Mistress seems to be getting chirpier these days, and this pleases His Lordship immensely. She can be full of cheek too, but he fires back with a cracker at times. He has come out of his shell she reckons, as he can be known to not comment when she would like to hear something useful coming back to the conversation. She says it is like pulling hen's teeth. Hey, but they do not have teeth!!

Now his Grandson could teach him too, how to communicate and be part of the conversation. He has many topics of interest, and I am sure could teach him a thing or two. Maybe he needs to have a sleepover at times so he can teach Grandad a lot more. He didn't appear that keen when Mistress suggested this. Maybe he is a little shy still, like his Grandad. It must run in the family!!

The Mistress was really overjoyed, chuffed, and honored to be asked by this lad if he could call her Nana. She was so excited and shared this news with His Lordship, the next time he went out to the garage to check on what they were up to. He was extremely happy to hear this news. I noticed he had a spring in his step after hearing this. I was sitting high up on a can of paint and was watching his body language. Something that I have learned over my many years living with the Mistress and now His Lordship. 

These humans went outside this afternoon around the back, and I spotted His Lordship up on the small step ladder with the loppers. Jeepers he powered through some branches that were about to hang on the fence and heading towards the guttering. Any high winds or storms could have meant disaster by smashing everything in its path. The Mistress plonked on a chair and cut the easy twigs into short lengths that she could manage with her delicate hands and that nail polish. She even wore gloves I noticed. I reckon she needs to toughen up. 

They were filling the green waste bin ready for tomorrow's collection. There is a whole heap more she said but this will go out each week until it's all cleaned up. I hear His Lordship found some muscles he didn't know he had on the small ladder. He reckoned his knee was up to it as he exercises it every day and several times a day too. So tonight, he's resting up to recover. 

The Mistress has done more tasks than her usual of late, so another sign of wellness. She rests often too as she conks out too. His Lordship has a keen eye on her and was even happier today when the St John alarm people came to install an alarm for her especially when she is on her own. This means he can go back home happier knowing she just needs to push a button. 

They never warned me that they would test the alarm, OMG what a noise. Trixie and I nearly fell off the shelf. Let's hope this doesn't happen too often. My nerves just would not cope at all. 

29/1/24

The Mistress spotted some Gnomes in the garden of His Lordship's family on Christmas Day in a terrible state. She was shocked that they didn't look loved and moss all over them. The man of the house would water blast them ready for painting.

The Grandson would be coming over during the holidays and would paint them with the Mistress. Yesterday was the day and he chose the first to work on and then the colors he would use. He was quite the artist and had a good choice of colors.

Now I watched over these two while the lad went about painting. He was always asking questions. They never stopped all day, and this is how kids learn the Mistress announces. He looked very comfortable at the table and surprised as to how fast the paint dried. Another warm and sunny day the Mistress says. 

Stopping for lunch and a break, then a card game was a new one to learn for the Mistress. She had just clicked on the game when he announced he had won. She sent him to the freezer to find them some ice blocks as the day had got hotter and they needed to cool down before going painting again.

He is an interesting character to watch, as I haven't had many opportunities to learn about the smaller human species. The Mistress has a Granddaughter and being a female she ticks differently to this fella.

 The Mistress didn't do much painting herself as she wasn't up to it. I think she enjoyed seeing how this young fella ticked, after all, it is a long time since her son was this size. 

The Mistress has instructions to tidy up his painting and he will choose the next one to do next visit. 

28/1/24

 It's been quite a business looking after the Mistress. A full-time job for me I say. She has had his Lordship and I worried at times, but they say time heals. 

She looks a bit brighter today and about time. She doesn't move far from her chair at times but today she assisted His Lordship in the kitchen to make a meat loaf. He made a great apprentice she reckons. He did exactly as she asked, and his mixing skills were perfect. Into the crockpot and it cooked all day. The smells wafting past here almost threw me off my perch. What a stink. Glad I am not eating it, is all I can say. 

The summer heat is a bit much for these humans. They dislike it immensely and would prefer at least five degrees cooler. As for me, I don't mind the heat at all. I am just so glad that I live inside in the winter. So better for me not to say too much here in case it gives these humans ideas. 

It amazes me the stuff that comes out of these humans and their visitors at times. Probably best that I remain tight-lipped here because I could get into a whole lot of trouble. 

His Lordship is cutting up this meatloaf I see and doing a productivity test. He licks his lips and so all must be ok. The Mistress enjoys her dinner and approves of his mixing skills. He always presents the meals to her that she really approves. Tonight, new potatoes marinated vegetable salad and the now famous meat loaf. 

 25/1/24

Now I have not been able to get on here, because I am a bit worried about the old Mistress. It appears being home doesn't mean for good. She could be whisked off again at any time.  Well, but not if I can help it. She doesn't move fast or far these days. His Lordship keeps her topped up with food and fluids and always insists on her resting. He is pretty quick if she steps out of line too. An interesting scenario to watch. 

As soon as she picks up a bit I shall be up and running again. See you soon 

23/1/24

I need to report that this Mistress has done another disappearing act, yet again. These 2 fellas rolled up and took her away again in that big thing they called an ambulance. Now I watched her in her chair not looking happy at all. In fact, she was growling about being in pain. I am not accustomed to her being in such a state. His Lordship had gone home earlier to play golf, after all, it was Saturday. It had been so long since he played because he had knee surgery, in early December and the Mistress was looking after him while she was in a moon boot with her Achilles. Now she ends up in the hospital four times in 3 weeks. We are not accustomed to burly to these burly hunks appearing in our homes. She rang a friend to sit with her as these fellas took ages to get here.  Gosh, they had equipment galore and wires all over her and in places I would rather not see. They lifted this up and that up and my eyes could no longer take it. Her friend was very concerned too and even happier when his Lordship came in the door. He got into the ambulance too but only to settle her. It was a very hot day and air conditioning was on for everyone's comfort. He came inside the house not at all happy, because they stuck another shunt into her arm, one of the many lately, sounds like it hurt a lot as her arms had seen a few needles lately and she let them know she was far from amused. He had a few worries on his mind because like the Mistress she was too worried as to what was going on. Living here has taught me a lot about body language. Every day, I asked him to take me with him to visit her, but the answer was always NO. That was me told. 

 18/1/24

Jeepers we nearly got caught overnight going outside to dispose of that book into the recycling bin. These 2 humans didn't sleep that much and luckily, they never noticed me scooting past the hallway. We couldn't find the yellow bin. I know it was dark, but my eyesight doesn't miss a thing. The red bin was out there, and I was very puzzled until my thoughts turned to His Lordship going past the window earlier and making a terrible racket with 2 bins going out the gate. It was bin day today and so we had to get past that policeman at the gate. He wasn't having a bar of me going past him. 

Explaining how important it was to recycle, the Policeman soon understood my reason for going out the gate. Now I didn't want any other Gnomes looking at this book as it was not at all fit for their eyes. He let me pass and even assisted me in getting up to the bin, which was very thoughtful as I had nothing to climb on. What a struggle but as he is taller than me this was a big help. Phew, it is safely in the bin and the job is done.

We both admired the common area as they had done some planting to beautify the area. It is coming along nicely, and I reckon some Gnomes out there, will help with some color. But a fat chance that will be as some of these people have a dislike to us, so we won't rock the boat. Visiting the area overnight will be enough I reckon. What they don't know won't hurt them.

Some of these fellas reckon I am the favorite with that policeman, but they can get lost as I was helping the planet as all Gnomes should be doing. So, we will be having words one day on this business. 

The Mistress has had the odd walk outside checking on things and making sure everyone is behaving, in her Gnome family. I noticed there is another fella in the pool that she painted lately. Crickey, he takes up a lot of room in his Lifebuoy. I reckon we need a bigger pool. But I doubt the Mistress will agree to this as a shortage of space outside is an issue.

Those BBQ fellas are making a dreadful mess out there and I hear the Mistress growling recently that to live here they have to keep the area tidy. Those fish they catch leave a stinky mess and she is far from impressed. They should know by now not to get on the wrong side of her. 

The lady in a uniform arrived again today to check on the Mistress. She did all sorts of things and oh goodness me she stuck a needle into her arm, and I watched her blood go into a bottle.  Hey, I hope she leaves some in there. I asked the Mistress later why she did this and she went into a long explanation of why they did this and what the Laboratory will do. Oh, so complicated for a Gnome. She wasn't in the mood for a long explanation and the rest I was to look up in my books.   It is a tough life being a Gnome around here.

 Catch up

His Lordship and I are keeping an eye on the Mistress. She is plodding along very carefully tires easily and has to rest often. A lady in her work uniform arrived this morning to check her out. She did all sorts of things and asked lots of questions. I believe she will come in for a few days, as this is instead of staying in the hospital. Now I like this idea because His Lordship and I are really concerned. I have noticed he tries to cover his concerns.

You see I am learning about these things the Mistress has taught me. Being very observant at my place on the shelf, means I don't miss a thing. Trixie too is getting switched on and learning a lot from these complicated human species. 

Just as well we don't have anything inside us to go wrong. I guess we would trot off to the rubbish bin and be recycled. Crickey what would they turn us into I wonder. As far as I am concerned Gnomes last for hundreds of years and outlive humans. Nobody is going to do anything with me, and I will make sure of this. In fact, I have hatched a plan, but I am not about to disclose this here as this is Gnome's business only. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So today humans slept well and no people in uniform appeared. So this must mean all is well. I jolly hope so as I just can't bare the Mistress disappearing again. I really did miss her and more than I thought. His Lordship sure did. At times I saw him quite lost and didn't know what to do with himself. He perked up when the phone rang or a text pinged. He was always eager to visit her and he wouldn't let me go too on her last admission. I never understood why so I just had to "suck it up," he says. Humans can be so mean you know. 

Usually, every day she would go outside and check on her Gnome family and they are wondering where she is. So, they too are missing her wandering past and having a chat or telling them off. They do not understand humans like Trixie and me, so there is a lot to teach them and more for us to learn.

I have had some time to study my medical books on babies and how they could possibly get into a woman's body that I saw on the Mistress's second visit. What an unbelievable event. This has disturbed my mind constantly ever since. Humans would say they have nightmares about some event. As for me, I am an utter wreck. I just cannot function. I will not read any more on this topic ever again. I recall that when a Gnome baby appears they just go poof, and they appear. None of this other nonsense.  This is just way too much, and I shall choose very carefully in the future what I want to know and learn. The only problem though is I have to actually read it to find out, then regret it. Trixie has a good idea and recommends tossing this book in the recycle bin for some other twit to read and I think this is a very good idea. So tonight, I shall go out and toss it. I would not like it to get into the wrong hands especially the other chaps outside. 

 15/1/24

The Mistress is home again today.

She did a disappearing act again with those Ambulance fellas. Things just were not good in the breathing department and needed it sorted. Give her a couple of days to settle in with all the TLC from His Lordship. She is not allowed to do too much for a while. He is taking great care of her and is pleased to have her home again tonight.

11/1/24

His Lordship and I have kept an eye on the Mistress today. She hasn't been looking at all well all day, but now some sleep last night could have helped. She had the electric bed up, then down, and I am sure it became as confused as did His Lordship. She completed her bed exercises by tossing and turning so many times we were giddy just watching from a distance. Now this meant that he too was deprived of sleep and at about 4am she waltzed out to her chair. This of course meant panic because we were not in our places on the shelf. Shiver me timbers, did she see us.

Waiting for her to settle took time as she wriggled around. When we thought the coast was clear we very carefully made our way and of course very quietly too. Being still dark went in our favor. 

His Lordship waited on her all day and assisted as much as possible. She is impressed with him doing his exercises and getting good results, as is his physio. She even discharged him today. I kept an eye on her while he went out. It's tough seeing her suffer like this and something I have not seen before as she is always mostly well.

I need to report on my findings while I was visiting the hospital. Navigating my way with all the jolly doors and reading signs was a nightmare. Some of them were in a foreign language. How the heck is a gnome meant to know this stuff. My mission was to see a baby being born. This ward was next door to Urology. I don't understand what that word means, but I did hear the Mistress say that it was the only bed available at the time. 

I did see some women with huge tummies that I had never seen before. So, I wondered how on earth a baby got in there in the first place. They didn't seem very comfortable either. So here I am peeking around corners, and nurses tending to these people. Come on hurray up I am here to see them come out. I shall have to find out how they got in there in the first place is my mission for returning home. Seeing the fellas wiping brows for goodness's sake. You don't see Gnomes doing anything near what I saw. Nobody sees Gnomes have babies, they are magic, and poof they appear. Oh, I wish they would hurry up and get on with it. Hearing the screams threw me off my perch, what's the screaming going to do here. This screaming will wake the dead let alone the sleeping people.

Why is this taking so long I wonder, but I am here to learn, so I am here around the corner curtain eagerly waiting. This screaming is a real carry-on. Is it really necessary to carry on like this? The talk between the mother and father is getting rather heated. She said it was his fault that the baby was in there and look at what she had to go through. She announces she is never going through this again, and that he could have the next one. What is she talking about here? I have so many questions for the Mistress and His Lordship. Hang on the nurse has just said the baby is nearly here, oh just hurry up then.

That woman is screaming so hard and loud. What a carry-on. The nurse says PUSH that's it. Oh, yucky. Look at all that mess. I can see the baby they pull from her lower region, and everyone is happy. They cut the sausage and the baby cries. The baby is cleaned and given to the mother. Why was it dirty and needed to be cleaned. It wasn't out in the dirt to get dirty. So many questions I have to get the answers. The mother and father appear very happy, and so I am off out of here. Navigating my way out of here causes me a lot of stress as so many people are everywhere. I shall bide my time as I process what I just saw. 

Humans are a strange species and how on earth am I going to cope now. Life for me has changed forever. Imagine telling Trixie and all our mates. I tell you what, I deserve some bubbly. Imagine the chaos from the Mistress if I did this, especially after a previous episode a few months ago.  We had so much fun getting into her supplies and caused all sorts of strife. She went away without me for several days, and no indication as to when she would return, we were bored and explored her cupboards and found all sorts of delicious drinks to try. I can still remember the telling-off we got, and the mess she came home to with gnomes asleep all over the floor. 

I may re-consider my eager thirst. Just to sit under a tree on my own to gather my thoughts before I return to be beside the Mistress, and before she notices I have disappeared. My poor head is pounding, but I am enjoying the fresh air here. What a night for a Gnome. How can I process what has happened tonight? I would much rather be a Gnome than a human that is for sure. Jeepers, time is moving on as daylight is appearing and she would wake soon, if she slept that is. 

I arrive back to those nurses continuing to annoy her when she tries to sleep. They pump stuff into her arms all the time and she really does get grumpy with them. Sometimes they take stuff out and become a real pest.

I observe her struggling to eat her breakfast and worries me that she is so poorly. She grumbles about the dirty view from her bed and finds this very depressing.  Later that day the nurse said she was moving to another ward. This put a smile on her face, and she was ready to go when the orderlies appeared. His Lordship was delighted for her too and off they went with her in her bed while they pushed her from one side of the hospital to another.

Her excitement about this new room and beautiful decor and the view 3 stories up looking over the Avon amongst the trees, was a much-needed change. Then she spots people punting on the river. Oh, she is so happy. She informed His Lordship that she wants to do this when she is well again. So romantic she reckons. By the look on his face, he wasn't amused. I know her and she has her hidden talent to pull this one off.

Oh, I have just been told I am to go home with his Lordship today. Not on my watch I say, but this did not get me anywhere. I was stuffed in a bag and off we went. 

11/1/24

 The Mistress is home.

Thank goodness she made an appearance yesterday, and not before time. She just needs a couple of days rest before getting back on here. She has now ended up with pneumonia on top of getting her gall bladder out. Back on here soon.

8/1/24

What a night I had cruising around the hospital. I have never seen so many doorways. They were everywhere, and oh my goodness there are some very sick people around the place. There is a pregnancy wing very near here and I was hoping to learn something. Fancy human babies coming out of humans. I cannot get my head around this at all. I want to watch a baby being born, but only at night as it is so difficult for me to get around without being seen.

I kept coming back to check on the Mistress because she has had me worried at times and His Lordship too. I do know a lot of people have been praying for her, so I guess this helps too. 

The doctors came in this afternoon, and they are mighty pleased with her and to try and stay off the oxygen for as long as she can. His Lordship took her for a ride in the wheelchair and she enjoyed getting out for a few minutes. She really wanted some coke to release some gas upstairs. At least this worked because I could hear her burping. This was a new one for his Lordship to learn. He had never heard of such rot. He really doesn't like her drinking this stuff, but she thinks it's better than some stuff he drinks. I better not mention it here or more trouble could be on the horizon.

So tonight, I know exactly where these babies are born, and as the Mistress is feeling much better, I can stay away longer. It is my only chance as it looks like home tomorrow. 

Her favorite nurse is on today, and both are delighted. It looks like it is not every day someone calls her this. 

The Mistress cannot eat her dinner. She is not hungry especially the same gravy for 3 straight days. Roast beef, then roast pork, and, tonight roast chicken. She rolled her eyes big time seeing this and was far from impressed. The fruit crumble and custard, she thinks the fruit got out and left the rest to it......the pigs she says. So, this wasn't scored highly either. It must be time to go home as she is now complaining. I heard her say she expects pudding twice a day when she gets home. This did not go down at all well with her or him.