The Sneeze

Well, I was quietly sitting under the Christmas tree, with me stocking, patiently waiting for Santa, and the dog was outside, and the cat, goodness only knows, when all the sudden the mistress had an almighty sneeze. I shook in me boots with fright when the dog, Toff came flying inside to check her out. She was very concerned about that woman here. I don't think that Toff had heard such an almighty sneeze before, when all the sudden another sneeze came. Toff had a very worried look on her face and made sure the mistress recovered. What on earth could a dog do anyway! 

Dogs know how to go on walks, laze around here and eat. Otherwise, she's useless. The mistress wasn't happy with my point of view, but tough, we are all allowed an opinion. She says Toff gives her more love than me and oh what nonsense. "Love" how ridiculous.

Gosh humans are such crazy people who don't know what they're talking about. I'll just read my book and hope for some peace and no more sneezes, because I don't want to see the dog have concerns for that god dam woman again.

So, when is that Santa fella supposed to come here anyway. I hope he knows I'm on holiday and a long way from home. This waiting is driving me to drink. I could do with a beer. I wonder if I click my fingers or rock hard in my chair to attract her attention that a nice cool one would appear. Hmmmm might be waiting a while, I think. 

Good golly gosh, I put my radar on for a beer to come to me, and look, she's not a bad old chick sometimes. I had to pour it myself because she was on holiday, but she did give me 2 cherries and a strawberry. Shes said I had to be grateful....oh I will be when Santa arrives Mistress!! 

I need to show you proof

Can you see my stocking?

This is LOVE she says

 

More love she says...how ridiculous!!

Now I know where she went this morning

Her daughter and granddaughter have a cat too. More Love she says!

But wait, I asked what name she has given it.." Horse" what, that's a cat, us Gnomes do know the difference between horses and cats. 

Just look at that cat and how she's slipping off her knee, and just look at the size of it. Maybe she ate a horse! Oh, dear I need a beer to get over this one me thinks. Cheers