Judy and the travelling gnome

29/ 30/ 31/5/23

Conspicuous by our absence. We are sorry about this. You see we had a quick trip down to Waimate to see the relies, and friends. Was a fast trip I might add. You see we took off in the dark, stayed somewhere. I had to stay in the car and was not allowed to know why. Gosh, why is this human so strange. Tells me some things but not others, weird if you ask me.

So now back to the 29th. my goodness, the mistress re-arranged the lounge, because we had these 8 people coming for afternoon tea from Age Concern. My mistress, bless her does this voluntarily, and spent the morning sorting food and baking some orange and date scones and sausage rolls. She was a busy beaver.

Hey, she has taken a bite out of this.

They arrived and boy they can all talk and talk. They had a good look at me too. All extremely happy to hear the stories of our adventures. Lots of fun and laughter, what a carry-on. Another lady told us of her adventure around Australia with a friend. The food plates were emptied, and everyone had a great time. When the mistress tidied up she found a box of chocolates with a lovely note thanking my mistress. Of course, she was delighted but said "What passes the lips stays on the hips." Have you ever heard such rubbish?

It's a tough life being a gnome around here. Hey, I have more stuff to report about this human. I can tell you she is up to something....!

Monday night the mistress packed her bag ready for 1 night away and leaving Tuesday, when she heard some extremely sad news from a friend. Because she is very caring, she offered to stay with them on our way south. Now this was a fast trip in the dark. I couldn't see anything including those red and blue lights. So, she must have stayed within the speed limit, but I somehow doubt it. She is not known for doing this very often. Now when we got to this place, she left me in the car all night in the dark and no mates around me. I did hear the chickens from time to time and breaking daylight some even came around our car. Where on earth are we. The mountains weren't far away either. I did not have a clue, mind you she often says I am clueless. The cheek of her.

The next morning, we were off again to the relies. Lovely sunshine too. We did see other people getting tickets from the red and blue fellas. The mistress was very relieved I might add.

We get to the very elderly relies, nice to meet them and they loved hearing our stories. They had lunch together and a good old yack as usual. I sat on the couch keeping an eye on them, gosh they cough and splutter a bit while eating, and Auntie is not at all steady on her feet, either, and the uncle, he has lost some weight. The mistress worries about these two just like their own family.

Here I am at the Aunties and Uncle's place just keeping an eye on them.

We saw another lady too, and she can yack too. We missed seeing her son as he had just gone back to work from his hour. I was perched on her little table, trying to figure out what makes her tick. I had to pose for a photo too. I really should start charging for my services. That is one way I can earn an income and help the mistress.

At another friend's house

We were off again, this time to the local cemetery. Goodness gracious me. What do they do here I asked. There was nobody around here, but we drove over the lawn and the mistress got some and put them on some concrete. What the heck is she doing? I asked as this seemed so weird. She explained that this was where her late mother was laid to rest. What, I can't see her resting. No, she is in the ground. What on earth for? It is called a grave and men dig holes and the dead people are laid to rest in the ground, huh so they get planted, yep, she says, so will she shoot through the ground again sometime. I was told a strong NO. This is so weird. What would this poor lady say to this? Humans already know what happens when they die. Really? Oh heck, I just don't understand this human life at all. The mistress has said I must look this up in my books.

Now after visiting the cemetery, we visited some other relies but this time I had to stay in the car. I was quite pleased because I was watching these dudes walking and skating along the footpath. More weird humans.

The mistress appeared and we are off again. Now she says we are going to her friends place to stay the night, but she wants to buy some bubbly. OMG, I hear when these 2 plus her son get together it can be hilarious. So I got to meet them both and joined them and a new mate at her place in the sunroom. They even gave us some bubbly. Now this new mate, he had never been given bubbly before, how mean is that, he tells me he keeps watch over her place 24/7 with no form of payment at all, so I had to teach him all about humans, and how complicated they are to understand. I also told him that if he poses for photos, he must charge the woman. If there is no payment, then at least give him some bubbly for his efforts in looking after her lovely home. He watches the odd cat or two passing by and when she is in the garden at the far end, he wanders out to check out the Goldfish.

My new friends. Cheers

I hear that a cat often sits on the side watching and waiting for his dinner until he gets shooed away. The poor cat could do with a feed I hear.

Getting back to these 3 humans, you should have heard them and their stupid stories. The man visiting, well he looked up Google for something and spun the mistress some stories causing these 2 women to almost wet themselves. I noticed as soon as the mistress's glass was empty it was promptly refilled without her even noticing. They got on well these 3 and obviously, they are all good friends. They all appeared extremely happy with that bloke making them laugh. I believe he has learned a lot from these 2 very wise women who have obviously had lots of difficulties in their lives. They were also in a roundabout way educating him about relationships and what they have learned about disappointments etc. Now he is an ex-teacher, how come he needs to be taught anything. I thought teachers knew everything because he has all sorts of degrees, diplomas, and goodness only knows what else. It appears from the mistress he still has a lot to learn yet. Jeepers I would start running because teachers are good at handing out discipline.

Now the one thing I don't understand is he told her to stay in her own lane. What the heck does that mean. I was duly told to MYOBB. Huhh

So, she was up very early today as she had an appointment with a book illustrator at 2pm today. It appears we are on the road to getting some books underway.

Just hang on a minute, I am still in Waimate, and the mistress has gone and left me here. What the heck is going on? She left without me. How could she forget me? I reckon her head is all over the place at present and I don't know yet, but I WILL find out why eventually.

This woman here has an interesting life, and a huge garden, and took me outside and plonked me in all sorts of places. She amused me all day, with her antics and talked flat-tack at times. I reckon she was quite pleased to have me stay on. She gets lonely too you know, and I am glad I could assist her with some entertainment.

But I want to know how I am getting home. This lady here reckons she will pack me in a box and the postie will deliver me to my home. What does postie mean? She said the postie will look after me until I can see the mistress again. What's a postie? I could see she was fed up with all the questions and told me to look it up in my books. She has been listening to the mistress because that is what the mistress says to me. She is a fast learner and a kind lady. I wonder if her son has taught her all this? I hope he stays in his lane too. I am sure I will find out eventually, then I can report back so watch this space.